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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 30
|  My wife cheated multiple times but admitted it and is sorry
Bear with me, this is a long one.
Last friday, feb 3 2012, while at work at night shift I got a text from a stranger telling me that they saw my wife out in the middle of the night 2 times in this past week, 1 with her sister and a guy, and the second with the guy alone, and seemed to have something between them and that I'd want to watch her actions more carefully. We are living with her younger brother so as soon as I got home from work, I immediately asked him if he knew about my wife leaving at almost midnight and returning past 3 am to which he confirmed.
I confronted my wife about this to which she admitted. She said they were only friends and it was nothing etc. This is my third time catching her with someone that she said was her friend. Once was in our previous apartment . The guy was hiding in the other room with her sister when I came in and was afraid to come out. My wife said that it was her sister's boyfriend and only visiting her so I passed it as nothing to do with her. 2nd was when I had this gut feeling when I called her while at work that something was wrong when she said she was out at a certain time one night so I went out the office early. I came to our home to find out she was not there. Then I saw her getting dropped off by someone. I got so mad I laid hand on her and when I asked who that is, he said it was a friend who'll be married in a month and who just wanted to be reunited with his friends for the last time. I demanded she show me where this guy lived but she won't. She said she was sorry she didn't tell me about that.
3 years passed and now with our 2nd (almost 2yo) child and this recent incident happened. I was really mad and hurt so I decided that instead of physically hurting her, I went and stayed at her sister's (the one who lived with us in our previous apartments) house in a nearby city.
As I confided to her sister during my stay about what happened, her sister thought my wife told me everything and slipped into saying about the past that she's been sexual relationships with men, in our own previous apartments, in our own bed. Also, her other sister and her husband, who also lived with us in our previous apartment knew this. Old friends will go to our apartment and they will get drunk and sex will happen. Drunk or not, her sister said my wife allowed her old friends to sleep in our bedroom. This included her old friends, an ex, previous suitors, who she just bumped again into and who've been friending her through text. When she was drunk (she never drinked in front of me), even new friends gets to do it to her. I was told this went on for months. I was devastated. The timid, shy, loving girl I knew for seven years of marriage was gone.
My wife also called her sister when I was there (because she didn't know I was there) and said to her sister it (her current leaving the house) happened because I was always busy and never had enough time for her and she became bored. She felt I didn't care for her, I don't know here anymore and more, to which I can somehow agree.
Learning this, after 2 days I went back home. I confronted her about this and she denied everything. She said those were only her friends and nothing sexual happened. I told her not to deny because It was her sisters who told me about everything. She said her sisters don't know anything and are adding their own stories. After almost two days of urging her to come clean if she wants our relationship back, she started admitting but not to all of those men her sister mentioned. I felt she's still hiding information.
I said we should just be friends and could now do anything we want. I pretended to be not hurt by everything. I asked her casually and said that it's all in the past so there's no reason to hide anything now, i wont be hurt, and we're only talking as friends. And with her believing that coming clean will be the first step to returning to our previous state in our relationship, one by one she admitted those things. I casually smile with her when she starts slipping to my questions asking what happened the first 4 years of our marriage. My face was smiling. My heart was getting stabbed again and again, story after story, detail after every detail. Sometimes she goes to another relationship immediately after another. She's been with 5(?) guys, mostly related to each other, mostly friends with each other, mostly on the same part of the city as the other. She did it with the guy who's gonna get married. She's doing it with the one she made me believe before was her sister's boyfriend. Sometimes, she said when drunk, she wakes up with two guys beside her not sure what happened. Never in my mid did I think that my loving wife would do such things. I expected highly of her. This was all on the first four years of our marriage. She said she stopped when she got pregnant with our youngest kid 3years ago and decided to change herself since then.
I also said I know our youngest was not mine, although I was just really joking when I said it. She said I "believe" its yours. WTF? Now my son, the boy who supposedly would carry my name, is now not 100% sure mine. Everything I believed for 7 years, broken in 3 days.
She told me she cant live with me with the guilt of those sins she did. She told me it's ok that now were just friends. She said that maybe this way, we'd be truer to each other. She said the only way I could be happy again is if I will try too look for another girl. A girl that maybe would be the one I'd be lifetime together with. (now as I was typing this, she just texted me to Please come home.) She said if I find out that the girl I had relationships is not the one, I could always return to her. She said I could do what I want. She even joke about me matching her numbers and then come back. She said she's sorry this all happened. She said If i decided that I'd forgive her, even at that very moment, and I would not rub on her what she did, she'll stop everything. She says then she'll got to the friends she's meeting on the last incident and settle everthing. She said she had a real friend there. He was the only real friend she had now. He gives her advice. Good advice. She said he even said that she should not give me up. She will tell those friends she'd stop If i decided I totally forgive her. I said she should be carefull with that guy since he's married and they drink when they meet, but she says nothing happens with them, honestly, and the guy loves his family so much.
Now that she admitted everthing, and was now true and honest to me, she will love me again like before, she promised. But better if I try other girls first and lift both her and me from the burden of the sins she did and prove to myself that in the end she will still the one I'd chose, if i still love her.
If I decide I want to give time for myself, cool everything down, try relationships with others again, she said she'd go with her friends and try to be happy too because she'd be crazy and lonely thinking about me, seing the house without me around. She promised that nothing sexual will happen again.
I love her very much I cant stand the thought of living my life without her on my side. Living and raising our kids without her. It fcking destroys me. I am in pain. Although I pretend everythings ok when Im with her since she's now only just my "friend." She keeps saying she's sorry and beg for us to start again, with the conditions she said.
Im devastated, help me what to do.
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Re: My wife cheated multiple times but admitted it and is sorry 
