lordmayhem

If you had a time machine, what would you do different with regards to your WSs affair?

As for myself, I wouldn't go back and warn myself to not marry the fWW, because then I wouldn't have my boys. What I would do is go back to before we got on facebook and talk about boundaries, then I would have installed the keylogger and gotten the VAR and found a forum like this.

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morituri

I wouldn't go back either because it was through my ordeal that I came out a better man.

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Thor

Yeah that is the tough part. In reality anything we do differently will result in not having those kids.

But in the fantasy, I'd tell myself what she told me last summer about her childhood trauma. And I'd tell myself to grow a backbone. With those two things our marriage would have been vastly different and better.

Jellybeans

While I think our experiences shape us.........I would not have married my ex.

There. I said it.

Or at least would have left once I discovered him using dating sites to solicit sex from strangers.

Or stopped any/all reconciliation when he refused to reveal who the OW was. It took him 2 years to tell me her name.

Over and out!

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Letter to OM/OW

Almostrecovered

I'd have to kill baby Hitler first and then invest in tech stocks before handling the wife

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TRy

What boundaries would you have set?

Jellybeans

^^ 1. No posting on dating sites if you want to fvck other people
2. If you do not tell me OW's name, I am not interested in reconciling
3. I would have NEVER gone to marriage counselling with him knowing what I do now. I tried to get him to go for so damn long and when he finally went it was all a farce.

basically...just helll to the no. To all of it.

hookares

I would have never offered the ex a ride home and would have chosen to resume my college education rather than to continue working at a job with no future so I could provide for and raise what turned out to be another guy's child.
As I reflect on it there was nothing good about those twenty years except the end.

warlock07

I would try to patent it and start a business called the "regret machine". I will also invest in Apple stock

Almostrecovered

even if I convinced my wife to not work the night shift I question if that would've stopped her from cheating at least at some point.

I suppose a lobotomy would've worked

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dingerdad

The list is so big...... Definitely point myself to TAM after I first got the ILYBINILWY speech, the gaslighting, the red flags,etc. Got this all 2 months prior to Dday1. Probabley would have saved me a year of hell.
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Kurosity

Not sure it would be safe for me to go back. I still have a lot of anger for OW.
Then again I could have waited then taken it all to their boss and a lawyer and sued the hell out of her and the company and have much more in the bank for my children's future education.

Gabriel

Wow - 2 things only.

1) I would tell my wife about 10 years ago that I was completely uncomfortable with her friendship with her OM (which was totally innocent at that time), and that they could never see each other without me present.

2) I would have taken my wife's warnings way more seriously.

TCx

As a WS, I would send a copy of my journal back to myself 10 years ago so I wouldn't have to learn the lessons that I have.

aqua123

I would go back 3 years and never let our communication die. I would also voice my concerns the very first day I felt something was seriously off in our relationship(which is right around the time WS began a friendly relationship with the soon to be OW.)