What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-09-2012, 01:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Exclamation What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

I am re-posting this thread here....

Where do I start! I am 30 years old with a beautiful wife who is about to give birth in the next weeks…and on top I have a handsome 3 year old son as well…and I MESSED UP!!! I cheated on my wife back in Oct with a girl from work that meant nothing to me…and now my life, my marriage and family hang on a thin line that she is holding…She has all the right in the world to throw me out, but she loves me so much and we are about to have a new baby boy born into this world aside from the 3 year old that adores me…WHAT A MESS I CREATED!!! It is all my fault, no doubt at all….I look at my sons eyes and just wonder how his life will be without a father!!! How my new baby boy will be raised without me, the father?
My wife, she doesn’t work and was so dependent on me too….I can’t lose them, I cant allow my family to be destroyed….but its not in my hands…she has the full right to leave me for what I did…I cried, apologized, everything possible….she hasn’t decided yet…

I am crying right now in the pain I feel as I saw my wife cry, hit me with anger, saying, ´why, what did I do, I love you, why why?´ Poor her, STUPID ME for making her suffer like this…We do make mistakes, but this is one that is so great and painful I am lost in a limbo…not knowing what to do.

Last night, I even spoke to my son telling him if he never saw me again…to be a great kid, listen, grow up loving God etc…as I was ready to take my life….But how could I? How could I leave them?

I need to SAVE MY FAMILY AND MARRIAGE!!!! Any of you going through this?

She found a video that I recorded of myself in the act, yesterday!!! IMAGINE!!! She is in so much pain; I really hurt her like nothing else in the world. I am a piece of ****, I know, I have no excuse for what I did…I never spoke to that girl again as she moved far away and after that one time, I felt so much quilt and never again did it….but it was with me and I acted cold with my wife as I had that quilt inside me burning me alive.


Last night I didn’t sleep nor did she, she lied in bed with our son crying as she said every time she closed her eyes she could see the images of me with another women…MAN, I can’t even imagine the PAIN she feels, I can’t and it kills me to see her suffer this way!!! I know, I should have thought of all this before I did what I did….but I fell…

She told her mom and my parents as well, devastated is what I must say…but she has the right as she needs to feel comfort from her family…not me as anything I say will be taken as a lie or not worthy, and she has the right to feel that way.

I am writing this as there must be people out there that have gone through this, going through this or other. I don’t want to lose my wife, 3 year old boy and my new born that will be here in the next days…I can’t believe how low I went, how stupid I was.
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

This is why as I posted on another thread I wish that people would think through these things because it messes up so many lives. I think part of it is living in a society in which we want what we want now no matter what the consequences.

It is good that you are so repetent but I totally get your wifes views on it. To screw that up for someone that you didn't even care about it..yikes!

Good luck to you! I hope it works out!
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

Why would you videotape it as well....I don't get that??
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

yeah, why the videotape?
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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We had been drinking prior and stupid me did that...but you know what? It may sound stupid, but I am happy she found it, it was killing me inside, I wasnt being myself with her....

If this makes us stronger and saves our marraige and family, then so be it...

Sometimes these terrible things must happen for Good or Bad...I do hope it is for the better here...though I know it will take Years and HARD WORK to make it happen.

I dont want to lose them, for nothing!!! (Should have thought about that before) But I must now try to win them back!
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

Where was the copy of this tape you recorded? How did your wife find it?

Also, you filmed the ONLY time you were ever together with the OW? That seems strange to me.

Be honest here. We are here to help but don't lie to us.
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Old 02-09-2012, 01:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Exacly, I am trying to be honest letting it all out so see what I can do.

I had my iphone with me and well even before I was into just taking pics or doing a video with my wife as well....just something I did...

And that day we had drinks and things got to where I wished they never, I put myself in that place..no excuse....and I started to put it on my iphone, never showed my face...but poor her, poor wifey she saw my wedding ring and heard my voice...Poor Wife, the PAIN she must have felt....I deleted it right away once she confronted me, I could bare her to see it over and over again....

This is a long haul, I know...I do....But I hope she finds it in her to, as hard as it will be, forgive.....it will take LONG---but we have a beautiful boy and a new baby coming anytime soon....I dont want to lose them!
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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With this girl, she worked under a contract or something like that for the company I worked for, pretty much working for the big corp..and we saw each other a few times, chatted etc...this is WHERE I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED and SAY NO AND NO!!!!!

But then we went out and with drinks and stupidness, the biggest mistake of my life was done.

One thing let to the next, wse saw each other once more and I told her that I cant I was feeling quilty etc...where she told me she was moving away anyways, very far...so it died their
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Why not delete it right away....if I was her I would be thinking that you wanted to keep it as some sort of trophy/reminder of what happened.
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

All I can suggest is you guys do MC and you have to show her how sincere you are...everything you do will have to be up front 120%.

It will be a long road ahead for you and her that's for sure.

You will have to work your butt off in order to make this work. Other than the alcohol do you know why you were drawn to this other person..was something going on in the marriage?
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Why not delete it right away....if I was her I would be thinking that you wanted to keep it as some sort of trophy/reminder of what happened.
You are totally right and she did say that, but the weirdest thing ever..I did delete it LONG time ago, way back in Oct...but somehow it was there? No idea how....everything eventually comes to light somehow right?

Like I said before, its better we are dealing with this now, its better she found out, as much pain as this is creating for us....as living a lie with her, feeling so quility for what I did, etc....it would have killed us more later on...
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Yes, you have irreparably harmed your wife and put your sons at great risk. Children of divorce are more likely to do worse in school, have lower self-esteem, more social problems, etc.

As for moving forward, you should make a sincere apology to your wife. Then, you offer her complete transparency to your life. She can view your cell phone and cell records any time she wants. Giver her the password to your email and Facebook. Tell her she can put a GPS tracker on your phone or car. Start calling or texting her more often to account for your movements. If you're leaving work, text her when you leave. If you get stuck in traffic and your commute time is going to be longer than normal, call her. She should know exactly where you and what you're doing are at all times. There can be no more secrecy in your marriage. Then, offer to do anything you haven't thought of to give her some reassurance that you are committed to your marriage and you're not betraying her again.

If she wants you to delete your Facebook account, do it. If she wants you to call her every 30 minutes, do it.

There's no guarantee that you can help her get over your betrayal. But, doing the above may help her forgive you, eventually.
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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All I can suggest is you guys do MC and you have to show her how sincere you are...everything you do will have to be up front 120%.

It will be a long road ahead for you and her that's for sure.

You will have to work your butt off in order to make this work. Other than the alcohol do you know why you were drawn to this other person..was something going on in the marriage?
Indeed this is the road I must take with my head down...as it will take a long time to make things right again...but I 100% want to, no doubt in my mind!

About something being wrong in our marraige, she asked me that...she asked me if she did something wrong? etc.. I told her that NOTHING was her fault, it was all mine...not to say sorry to me for nothing..it is I that must appologize a million and more times....she has these moments of love, hate, anger...normal I guess...and so sad to see...it kills me....But back to the question, no....I must be totally honest when I say she is a PERFECT wife, she raises our son, cleans, cooks, loves me...who wouldnt want her? I cant put my finger on WHY I did it, nothing emotional, I am thinking it had to do more with something of the spur of the moment, etc...I dont even know how to explain it, I am not sure...why
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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You are totally right...and by all means I will grant her that and more...I have to, I have to try anything and everything to save our family and marraige
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Old 02-09-2012, 02:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: What a MESS I created, I cheated on my Beautiful wife !!! HELP

what to do if your wife wants R-

1) tell ALL of the truth right away- do NOT "trickle truth". Do NOT hold anything back because you fear you will hurt her or feel ashamed.
2) be 100% completely transparent- give up all of your passwords, let her look at your phone, tell her where you are, where you are going and check in with her when you are away. Get a GPS and put in your car and allow her to see where you are.
3) Show true remorse- own up to 100% of the affair- do NOT blame shift. Expect to be in this for the long haul- it can take 2-5 years for her to trust again and heal. Expect to answer her questions over and over and over again.

lastly read the newbie link in my signature- in particular read the 3 rd post and what a disloyal spouse should do for the betrayed spouse
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