The cheater gets love but the betrayed gets nothing

AppleDucklings · 02-11-2012, 03:25 PM

I was 100% faithful throughout our 14 year long marriage. He cheated more times than you could shake a stick at. Yet, he gets to have someone to sleep next to at night. He gets to have someone to hold and someone who loves him. Maybe I'm just bitter, but I think he does not deserve to have that. I find it unfair that someone like him (my ex husband) who did nothing but cheat on me and treated me like crap gets to have love, while I, who was 100% faithful and loyal and stood by my marriage vows gets nothing.

Sorry for the rant. This was bought about by the fact that today I allowed my ex husband's new girlfriend to pick up my daughter. I have nothing against this girl. She is not the one he was cheating on me with when we divorced. In fact, I bet she has no idea what really happened between us. I'm sure he didn't start dating her by saying "Hi, I'm a lying bastard who treats women like property instead of people. I also cheat every chance I get and I am very good at manipulating. Wanna go out sometime?" I'm sure he painted her a pretty little picture instead.

I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love? Why is that the one who cheats gets that and those of us who were betrayed can't have that? Seems very unfair.

*sighs...................

the guy · 02-11-2012, 03:30 PM

Your not a cheater so you won't understand the empty, fake , on the run, "love" that they (cheaters) have.

You percieve them to have better, but they don't, you just think they do b/c of the great ability that cheaters have to act.

There is an emptiness they have that you don't ....your not that person so it all seems odd to you.

Entropy3000 · 02-11-2012, 03:56 PM

The betrayed gets another chance in life to find someone who they can have better life with.

Complexity · 02-11-2012, 03:58 PM

It's not really love if he's bouncing from one woman to another. People like that never have love because they don't know what it is.

lascarx · 02-11-2012, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AppleDucklings

I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love?

Probably because you have real high standards of your own. Your ex probably doesn't. Nothing wrong with you, you just have a much smaller pool to pick from.

CruxAve · 02-11-2012, 05:29 PM

At least you can feel good when looking into the mirror. Your ex can't. I would rather be alone with a good conscience, than a cheat.

ing · 02-11-2012, 07:37 PM

I have a few friends who were "left behind" in all cases the one who left seems to come out best. It sucks.
They are the ones who move someone in to a house, set up a new family, take your kids out for family fun days.
They appear to found love. They appear to have it all.

the guy · 02-11-2012, 07:41 PM

Appearence is not everything! Whats inside counts

morituri · 02-11-2012, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ing

I have a few friends who were "left behind" in all cases the one who left seems to come out best. It sucks.
They are the ones who move someone in to a house, set up a new family, take your kids out for family fun days.
They appear to found love. They appear to have it all.

Notice I highlighted the word 'seems' because we really don't know what is really happening inside those new homes.

I've also known a few unfaithful spouses who have left their spouses and families. Some of these unfaithful I've seen later betrayed and left by the one they escaped to. Poetic justice indeed.

AngryandUsed · 02-11-2012, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

Notice I highlighted the word 'seems' because we really don't know what is really happening inside those new homes.

I've also known a few unfaithful spouses who have left their spouses and families. Some of these unfaithful I've seen later betrayed and left by the one they escaped to. Poetic justice indeed.

Mori, nice to hear this. But in how many cases does it happen?

tam8145 · 02-11-2012, 10:23 PM

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Goldmember357 · 02-11-2012, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AppleDucklings

Yet, he gets to have someone to sleep next to at night. He gets to have someone to hold and someone who loves him. Maybe I'm just bitter, but I think he does not deserve to have that. I find it unfair that someone like him (my ex husband) who did nothing but cheat on me and treated me like crap gets to have love, while I, who was 100% faithful and loyal and stood by my marriage vows gets nothing.

I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love? Why is that the one who cheats gets that and those of us who were betrayed can't have that? Seems very unfair.

*sighs...................

Its more proof that life is not fair if you have a set deity you believe in than your god will surely tell it all to you or you would have learned and that the bad actions of others will come back to haunt them even after they die on this little earth. You sound like a good woman and you are reflecting on some past actions and are deeply affected by the changes they caused to your family and to your life. There are many different views you can have on this i am imaging that you are doing better and hope you are so best of luck to you.

However yes you are right its not fair at all its not fair at all that so many people suffer period its not fair that some people in our country starve to death. Its not fair that some people see there family members killed or raped, its not fair that many people never find love in there life its not fair that some people die before ever finding love. Gratitude can help you a lot and you likely live in a 1st world country that is prosperous so your problems are rather on the smaller side though believe me if you happen to be say in an area were most people are well off and happy than often when you are hurt or having problems it seems that everyone else has a "Perfect life" when that is never the case and only few times are their lives really much better than your's. Than again that is all based off perception so yeah it really just depends.

Best of luck i feel bad for you that you had a man that treated you like that.

Goldmember357 · 02-11-2012, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complexity

It's not really love if he's bouncing from one woman to another. People like that never have love because they don't know what it is.

True

people i know who were betrayed seem to eventually find someone and they love. Id imagine their marriages are very strong basically i think most good people will get hurt at some time but eventually two good people will meet and get to embrace ina long last loving.

tam8145 · 02-11-2012, 10:34 PM

Apple, I have kept up with you. Our timeline is similar. I'm about 1 year out from D-day. I busted my wife on an ea later found out from others it was a pa also. I healed quicker than normal and moved on. About 7 months ago I met my current girlfriend and she is a blessing from God. I prayed to get my family back and my prayers are coming together - just not with my x. God will take care of those who believe in him, put him first and ask. In fact, today my girlfriend and I put an offer on a house together for our new family. My kids have resentment or their mother and they adore my girlfriend. We will get married, but not sure when - maybe on my 40th birthday in November.
Meanwhile, my cheater x-wife's affair didn't last long and she has somewhat estranged herself. She's rolling in debt and can't hardly keep up. She had to downsize apartments last week. I'm considering asking her to rent our old family home she walked away from when my new family comes together.
So, in my case the cheater is way-more worse off.
Apple you're a strong woman and God has big plans for you. Just keep the faith and stay strong.
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DanF · 02-11-2012, 10:35 PM

Hey Apple!
I'll come sweep you off your feet.

BRB

Sorry, the wife said "no".

Cheer up, Sweetie. He'll come along. You deserve it and when he does show up, you'll know it's right.