Sorry, I seem to have struck a nerve with you. I really do not have an 'agenda'. I'm just taking part in the discussion. Well, actually not any more since I am leaving work now and going home to my husband who cheated on me two years ago but is doing a helluva job R'ing with me, to celebrate Valentines day
The forum is for discussion. Sometimes it feels like a little bit of conflict but you know, sometimes that helps us all sort things out. Sometimes I am typing stuff and realize my down fall. People are just sharing their thoughts. How else can we learn?
That's actually a good point. 24 years ago, long before my marriage, I cheated on a new boyfriend with an old one. (can you say, "goodbye sex? I knew you could.")
I have thought lately that that single incident is why I am experiencing the other side of infidelity today. FML. (My fault.)
You mean karma? I've been on both sides myself. I'm not afraid of karma, I'm afraid of women who are like the one I used to be.
Again, all I can do is live my life right, and hope that my husband chooses to do the same. If I expect him to cheat at every given opportunity, just because I was once the cheater, then we may as well call it quits.
I think this study is trying to unlink monogomy from sex. To me, monogomy is not the same as love, cheating is not the same as polygamy. Cheating is about honesty, and honesty has a lot to do with love. If someone wants to be in a polygamous relationship, who am I to argue with that, I am liberal-minded and really could care less what consenting adults do as long as they are not hurting others. The problem with infidelity is it denies the betrayed partner the right to informed consent.
I think this study is trying to unlink monogomy from sex. To me, monogomy is not the same as love, cheating is not the same as polygamy. Cheating is about honesty, and honesty has a lot to do with love. If someone wants to be in a polygamous relationship, who am I to argue with that, I am liberal-minded and really could care less what consenting adults do as long as they are not hurting others. The problem with infidelity is it denies the betrayed partner the right to informed consent.
Now my head hurts
This is key. And one of the things I didn't like about this EA my guy had with this so called ex was the fact that she knew a lot about me for a long time before I knew even anything about her. When he did finally come clean, he forwarded me an e-mail with her e-mail address on it. I e-mailed her something.
Do you know I was discussing this situation on another relationship message board and several women chastised me for invading this woman's privacy?!?!?!?
Sex and Love are different actions. You can have sex with someone you don't love(PA), and you can love someone without sex(EA). And yes, cheaters can cheat and still love their spouse or SO. I have cheated, but would not leave my spouse for any of those women. They were satisfying a singular urge, nothing more. I would never use family money to take them out or get hotels, I usually went for women in much better positions financially. Is it right, no, but everyone has a flaw or fault. Even you folks who claim they will never cheat or think cheaters have flaws, so don't go down this holier than thou path.
Just as how there are a larger percentage of men who can cheat without falling for the OW, inversely, there is a small percentage of women capable of the same. And where there are a large percentage of women who will fall for the OM, there is a small percentage of men that will as well.
Does this ability to compartmentalize it make you stronger or weaker mentally? Who knows.
I don't think cheating has anything to do with love in a lot of cases. Sex does not = love. I love my husband but my vibrator gives me orgasms - I certainly don't love my husband any less because of that. If it was a penis in the flesh attached to a man, it isn't such a leap to say I still love my husband but I just wanted a bit of extra sex on the side.
Tell your husband that, see if he agrees. Better yet, tell him, "I love you, but I want another man inside me. But I will still love you the entire time he is penetrating me"
I realize he has cheated on you, but that is irrelevant to the principle of the discussion.
Tell your husband that, see if he agrees. Better yet, tell him, "I love you, but I want another man inside me. But I will still love you the entire time he is penetrating me"
I realize he has cheated on you, but that is irrelevant to the principle of the discussion.
Just because she can seperate the 2 feelings and actions, does not mean she wishes to act on it.
have you loved every person you have had sex with?(and if you did, that would explain a lot more than if you did not) did you have sex with every person you loved? Even before having my affair and even wanting to, I was able to seperate the 2.
You didn't separate the two when you were in the arms of another woman, that's just the rationalization you used in order to keep cheating. Posted via Mobile Device
Tell your husband that, see if he agrees. Better yet, tell him, "I love you, but I want another man inside me. But I will still love you the entire time he is penetrating me"
I realize he has cheated on you, but that is irrelevant to the principle of the discussion.
I am not saying I want any such thing. And if I did want it, I am certainly not going to act on it. I was using it as an illustration of what I *think* may go on in the minds of some cheaters. Not all cheaters, but some.
You didn't separate the two when you were in the arms of another woman, that's just the rationalization you used in order to keep cheating. Posted via Mobile Device
Last I checked, I was not in love with any other woman. And the things I do for my wife, I wouldn't do for any other woman. Sooooo..not sure what your idea of love is, but its beyond just sex.
Last I checked, I was not in love with any other woman.
"Last I checked, I was not in love with any woman".
There I fixed it for you. You simply cannot cheat, lie, deceive, manipulate, put in harms way, steal time/marital resources and claim to love the person you are doing that to. Not a chance.
My guess is you also haven't told her. It sounds like you can compartmentalize that part as well.
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Re: 5 Myths About Cheating - WashingtonPost 
