"Last I checked, I was not in love with any woman".
There I fixed it for you. You simply cannot cheat, lie, deceive, manipulate, put in harms way, steal time/marital resources and claim to love the person you are doing that to. Not a chance.
My guess is you also haven't told her. It sounds like you can compartmentalize that part as well.
Really? So you never lied to your parents, and if you did, you obviously don't love them. And I don't use any family resources to do my dirt, I go for women that are usually a lot more financially stable than I am. I didn't downgrade when I did that. And lastly, yes, she knows. I told her of each instance. However, we are working to move past it. So now that you're wrong on all counts, i'm sure you still feel that way. these holier than thou-ers I tell you
Really? So you never lied to your parents, and if you did, you obviously don't love them. And I don't use any family resources to do my dirt, I go for women that are usually a lot more financially stable than I am. I didn't downgrade when I did that. And lastly, yes, she knows. I told her of each instance. However, we are working to move past it. So now that you're wrong on all counts, i'm sure you still feel that way. these holier than thou-ers I tell you
1. I've never cheated on any partner I had. 2. You used family resources whether you know it or not. Time is a resource.
I am not wrong on any count, you however are living in denial if you think any of your actions show love. Not holier than thou. I just call out ridiculous "justifications" when I see it.
I think what it boils down to is semantics. I think it's very possible to love someone and cheat on them. But if your definition of love includes remaining faithful, then you wouldn't agree with me. Love is impossible to define the same for everyone. I think some cheaters DO still love their spouse by their own definition.
1. I've never cheated on any partner I had. 2. You used family resources whether you know it or not. Time is a resource.
I am not wrong on any count, you however are living in denial if you think any of your actions show love. Not holier than thou. I just call out ridiculous "justifications" when I see it.
By your own admission, lying to someone means you do not love them. You said it.
The time used for my indescretions was time that I am allotted for my personal time anyhow. And as adults, we are allowed personal time, no? Not living in denial, i have accepted the wrongs I have committed, just as my wife has admitted to hers, does not mean there is no love.
And remember, no sin is "bigger" than the other. So if you've done one, you're no better than I am. Your flaws are just materialized in a different manner.
And based on that little quote under your comments, however funny, shows your line of thinking. Just remember, peace on earth was not jeopordized during the finding baby Jesus, it was this minor incident with an apple. Lol.
By your own admission, lying to someone means you do not love them. You said it.
The time used for my indescretions was time that I am allotted for my personal time anyhow. And as adults, we are allowed personal time, no? Not living in denial, i have accepted the wrongs I have committed, just as my wife has admitted to hers, does not mean there is no love.
And remember, no sin is "bigger" than the other. So if you've done one, you're no better than I am. Your flaws are just materialized in a different manner.
And based on that little quote under your comments, however funny, shows your line of thinking. Just remember, peace on earth was not jeopordized during the finding baby Jesus, it was this minor incident with an apple. Lol.
I said the actions that come with infidelity means you don't love the person. Lying is only part of that equation. There are lots of other components. That was my point and you took it out of context.
Justify whatever you want. You fail to see that even on your "personal time" you were hurting your family. Not worth arguing with you at this point. If your wife is cool with it, so be it.
Apple? Yeah and all animals are decedents from the animals on that little floaty thingy.
[QUOTE=Therealbrighteyes;590648]I said the actions that come with infidelity means you don't love the person. Lying is only part of that equation. There are lots of other components. That was my point and you took it out of context.
Justify whatever you want. You fail to see that even on your "personal time" you were hurting your family. Not worth arguing with you at this point. If your wife is cool with it, so be it.
Apple? Yeah and all animals are decedents from the animals on that little floaty thingy. [/QUOTE]
Of course they are. Obviously someone never saw the movie. pssshhhh.
I never said anything about love when I was replying to you.
So are you claiming to have never done the things you did with your wife, with your affair partner?
No, I'm saying the day to to day things I do for my wife, I would never do for the OW. I would never want them to think the relationship is anything beyond sexual. And the only things I did with them that I didn't with my wife may be some positions that she finds uncomfortable, or multiple times in a night. Posted via Mobile Device
No, I'm saying the day to to day things I do for my wife, I would never do for the OW. I would never want them to think the relationship is anything beyond sexual. And the only things I did with them that I didn't with my wife may be some positions that she finds uncomfortable, or multiple times in a night. Posted via Mobile Device
Okay, let's agree to disagree on the love part. May I ask a question though? Why are you cheating? Why are you risking everything you have and the love of a good woman?
Okay, let's agree to disagree on the love part. May I ask a question though? Why are you cheating? Why are you risking everything you have and the love of a good woman?
Well, I was cheating. And during that time, the wife and I were in a bad place. She had her moment of infidelity as well, and when it came to light, we were arguing a lot. She would not want to talk to me about it, and I wasn't given a chance to heal. She would also say terrible things when we did get in an argument. So, I went to regain my manhood, and after a few times out, I did. It felt great, I had a good time. Once I got it out of my system, I was able to keep it moving. We still talk about hers, because it was during a good time in our relationship that it happened, so I never understood what led her to it. So we just talk when we can about it.
Was it all about ego, absolutely, did it mean I didn't love her, sure doesn't. We were just at a rough patch. We all go through them in one form or another. its that same love that we supposedly lack that keeps it together and going well now.
...So, I went to regain my manhood, and after a few times out, I did. It felt great, I had a good time. Once I got it out of my system, I was able to keep it moving. We still talk about hers, because it was during a good time in our relationship that it happened, so I never understood what led her to it. So we just talk when we can about it.
Was it all about ego, absolutely, did it mean I didn't love her, sure doesn't. We were just at a rough patch. We all go through them in one form or another. its that same love that we supposedly lack that keeps it together and going well now.
Based on your reasoning, whether you are in a rough patch or not, she just had to get it out of her system too, it just happened to not be when you thought it would be possible. There really is no point in trying to understand the reasons for her affair, to do so under your rationale would be hypocritical.
Just to be clear, I am not judging you or your relationship, no matter what the values of you and your W you seem to be suggesting that as long as both of you are vested in the marriage you will both be happy!
Love is a conscious choice just as cheating is a conscious choice. It's never an accident or a 'mistake'
I've yet to see a man, married to another woman, accidentally fall over a woman, married to another man, and his penis gets thrusted into her vagina. Then he saying to her "Hey! Your vagina swallowed my penis!" and she saying to him "Hey! Your penis is inside my vagina", then both of them saying at the same time "Hey this feels great". It's never a Reese's peanut butter cup situation folks
you got peanut butter on my c**k. no you got P***y on my peanut butter.
Based on your reasoning, whether you are in a rough patch or not, she just had to get it out of her system too, it just happened to not be when you thought it would be possible. There really is no point in trying to understand the reasons for her affair, to do so under your rationale would be hypocritical.
Just to be clear, I am not judging you or your relationship, no matter what the values of you and your W you seem to be suggesting that as long as both of you are vested in the marriage you will both be happy!
Oh, I know this is a judgment free zone, I don't take anything said here personally. But trying to understand the reason for her affai is not hypocritical, it was unprovoked, unwarranted and was not with/for something better(according to her of course). There was nothing to get out of her system. We were at that honeymoon stage, when neither of us could do no wrong. Then, she did. I don't know how else to make it more clear that it is an absolute mind F when your spouse cheats when you thought you were being great. It's like, at that point, what can you do to exceed damn near perfect to maintain their interest. Which is what drove me nuts I think.
What is hypocritical is being able to separate love from sex and fidelity then trying to rationalize that cheating only makes sense when the feelings of love start to wane.
2. If you really love your partner, you’ll remain faithful.
3. We generally agree on what counts as cheating.
Hmmm. This has been an interesting discussion about love, sex, relationships and cheating. It shows me that as people don’t always agree to what is cheating they also may not agree to what love is.
There seems to be two types of love discussed on this thread:
1. Love as an emotion/feeling confined to an individual
2. Love as a state of being of a relationship between two people.
There have been arguments that say there is no love if there is cheating of any kind so that myth number two is not really a myth and is explained by the loss of the love relationship caused by the cheater. The other argument says that for the individual feeling of love can still exist but cheating may occur anyway. I really think that how one defines love here is not the important thing.
I think that the actual point of myth number two is that you or your spouse can be blindsided by temptation to be unfaithful whether or not you are in a good relationship. Just because you have an otherwise good relationship does not mean you or your spouse is immune to an affair. A good relationship is not the last defense.
Good boundaries are needed in addition to a good relationship.
I think this whole discussion revolves around each individuals definition of LOVE. There's no right or wrong answers. It's different for everybody...maybe the key here is to be honest to yourself and spouse about what your version of love actually entails...
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Re: 5 Myths About Cheating - WashingtonPost 
