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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

View Poll Results: My WS's chose to cheat with someone:
more physically attractive than myself 14 16.67%
less physically attractive than myself 51 60.71%
about the same level of attractiveness as myself 13 15.48%
who had a (will explain below) 6 7.14%
Voters: 84. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-15-2012, 03:46 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
There's always someone hotter than you.

what about Miss Universe?

I would think that encompasses everyone
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Old 02-15-2012, 04:08 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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I dunno, when chicks ask me to get paid for me to have sex with them, I find them rather unattractive all of the sudden
That's why I said they were actually a downgrade

Gah, it pisses me off sometimes, STILL, to think he did that. I mean, what kind of fvcked up moron PAYS for sex when they're married, especially via Western Union money transfer? When I think of all the money he wasted and what a fool he was to get scammed like that................gah. Gotta stop or I'll drive myself crazier.
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Old 02-15-2012, 04:57 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

i know that the OM was a downgrade..or a Me lite at best.

physically he had height and penis size...that was it. at the beginning of the affair he was really skinny (6'2" approx 160 lbs) andis quite the drinker. from what i understand now hes put on about 30lbs, ALL in the gut. he looks like the letter d. vs my 5'7" 170lb frame of mostly muscle.
oh and hes bald and not shave it all of cuz it looks cool, but shave it all off because he has no choice. and from what i get thats a big insecurity for him.

he lives 3 housed down from his mom, who cooks and cleans for him still (at age 34). hes cheap. hes not romantic at all (via his exwife) except the normal holidays. hes controling and manipulative. he hates crowds, and even though he has two kids avoids playdates and school functions/birthday parties.

yet she saw him when our kids used to play together (wife and his ex used to be friends) so he saw certain things from him. same thing at work. he was able to portray himself a certain way.

but my wife has told me its really about the emotional thing. she said that i wasnt romantic as i used to be. i critisized her and she didnt feel wanted or needed.

and he made her feel special. thats it. she was vunerable(ie weak self esteem issues) and he learned all about her at work and went from there.


the thing about affairs is that since they are a fantasy, what the spouse usually sees in the AP is part of that. the AP can portray their best because they dont have real life to deal with.
the OM came off as quite the alpha male at work, which attracted my wife. when in actuallity the guy is the typical "nice guy" described in the book, heck hes borderline sociopathic really.

but sometimes its just the emotional fix they crave. regardless of looks.

and the one thing ive learned about women, esp. regarding affairs, is that her opinion of a mans looks are fluid and could be enhanced with personality or status or something of the like.

for us guys, if shes hot, shes hot. personality be damned.
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Old 02-15-2012, 05:10 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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That's why I said they were actually a downgrade

Gah, it pisses me off sometimes, STILL, to think he did that. I mean, what kind of fvcked up moron PAYS for sex when they're married, especially via Western Union money transfer? When I think of all the money he wasted and what a fool he was to get scammed like that................gah. Gotta stop or I'll drive myself crazier.


LOL Western Union?!!

I had no idea hookers would take payment that way- in fact - was he prepaying?!!
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Old 02-15-2012, 05:13 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

He was prepaying. They strung him some line about bypassing their agencies yadda yadda. He wanted it so bad he paid $700 TWICE to the same 'model'.
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:19 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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what about Miss Universe?

I would think that encompasses everyone
I hate that moon faced look that wins. And anyway, no matter how hot she is, there's someone who's sick of her sh^t. Or his ****. Think of what a high maintenance crazy Jennifer Aniston must be.
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Old 02-15-2012, 07:07 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

No matter what these cheaters look like, they will have to live with the ugliness of their actions the rest of their lives. I would much rather be the cheated than the cheater. I wouldn't want to carry that around.
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:06 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Almostrecovered View Post
I dunno, when chicks ask me to get paid for me to have sex with them, I find them rather unattractive all of the sudden
Geez A/R, I would have thought they would be paying YOU!!!
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Old 02-16-2012, 09:11 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Bandit, I don't think its worth getting hung up on the physical traits of yourself or the OM. I'd say that at the time of initial stages of affair there is always something in the AP that is more appealing than what your spouse thinks you have to offer. It is very painful no matter what the AP looks like, no matter how big their c()ck is, no matter how much muscle they have etc.

For cheating wives I would say almost universally the OM is acting more alpha than you are, or atleast it is the perception of your spouse. In my ex W's case, she was stoneset on black men (and not for the reason that most guys who've seen inter-racial porn are thinking) I'm sure it factors in at some level, but for my ex it was the swagger, the confidence and leading her on the dance floor making comments on her booty, she wanted to be made to feel like a sex object and she decided she couldn't get that from me... since she had decided to depart from her morals anyway she pursued her fantasy. All it took was some sleezy guy with the right skin color to come along and speak his dirty mind for her to offer up the booty. It really is the biggest disappointment and failure for a man whose W does that, no matter what the particular details of the OM are.
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Old 02-16-2012, 09:31 AM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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For cheating wives I would say almost universally the OM is acting more alpha than you are, or atleast it is the perception of your spouse.
My exH is extremely alpha. Almost to a fault.
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Old 02-16-2012, 09:40 AM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

When my WS picked the OM up for the first time. She drove to a bar and waited for him in the parking lot. He lived a few houses away and he would not go in the bar as drinking is evil in his mind. She told me that at first she was disappointed. He was shorter than she imagined from his pics.

But that did not stop her from driving him to a hotel and fuc**** him.

Everytime they met my WS drove to him and took him places. He did not drive to work as he always had someone drive him. She took all the effort in pursuing him.

He was not an alpha.

Hell he was Amish.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:40 AM   #57 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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My exH is extremely alpha. Almost to a fault.
Is that part of what attracted you to him in the first place?
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:44 AM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Thorburn View Post
When my WS picked the OM up for the first time. She drove to a bar and waited for him in the parking lot. He lived a few houses away and he would not go in the bar as drinking is evil in his mind. She told me that at first she was disappointed. He was shorter than she imagined from his pics.

But that did not stop her from driving him to a hotel and fuc**** him.

Everytime they met my WS drove to him and took him places. He did not drive to work as he always had someone drive him. She took all the effort in pursuing him.

He was not an alpha.

Hell he was Amish.
But he filled a need it seems, maybe not alpha in the sense of being the strongest in the pack, but he was able to get his own selfish needs met.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:57 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Is that part of what attracted you to him in the first place?
A little. Honestly, it was more of the love bug and now I can see where that covered up a lot of things we should have paid attention to which were detrimental to our relationship. Lots of fundamental differences. Love can be blinding.
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Old 02-16-2012, 01:54 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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A little. Honestly, it was more of the love bug and now I can see where that covered up a lot of things we should have paid attention to which were detrimental to our relationship. Lots of fundamental differences. Good alpha d!ck can be blinding.
I fixed this for you JB
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