Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?
i know that the OM was a downgrade..or a Me lite at best.
physically he had height and penis size...that was it. at the beginning of the affair he was really skinny (6'2" approx 160 lbs) andis quite the drinker. from what i understand now hes put on about 30lbs, ALL in the gut. he looks like the letter d. vs my 5'7" 170lb frame of mostly muscle.
oh and hes bald and not shave it all of cuz it looks cool, but shave it all off because he has no choice. and from what i get thats a big insecurity for him.
he lives 3 housed down from his mom, who cooks and cleans for him still (at age 34). hes cheap. hes not romantic at all (via his exwife) except the normal holidays. hes controling and manipulative. he hates crowds, and even though he has two kids avoids playdates and school functions/birthday parties.
yet she saw him when our kids used to play together (wife and his ex used to be friends) so he saw certain things from him. same thing at work. he was able to portray himself a certain way.
but my wife has told me its really about the emotional thing. she said that i wasnt romantic as i used to be. i critisized her and she didnt feel wanted or needed.
and he made her feel special. thats it. she was vunerable(ie weak self esteem issues) and he learned all about her at work and went from there.
the thing about affairs is that since they are a fantasy, what the spouse usually sees in the AP is part of that. the AP can portray their best because they dont have real life to deal with.
the OM came off as quite the alpha male at work, which attracted my wife. when in actuallity the guy is the typical "nice guy" described in the book, heck hes borderline sociopathic really.
but sometimes its just the emotional fix they crave. regardless of looks.
and the one thing ive learned about women, esp. regarding affairs, is that her opinion of a mans looks are fluid and could be enhanced with personality or status or something of the like.
for us guys, if shes hot, shes hot. personality be damned.