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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

View Poll Results: My WS's chose to cheat with someone:
more physically attractive than myself 14 16.67%
less physically attractive than myself 51 60.71%
about the same level of attractiveness as myself 13 15.48%
who had a (will explain below) 6 7.14%
Voters: 84. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-09-2012, 04:43 PM   #106 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
The man my wife left me for is younger, taller, more handsome, more muscular, and much, much, much richer.

It was a major upgrade in literally every single category that defines a man and that made it twice as painful and has absolutely crushed my self-esteem.

Uugggggggghhhhhhhh........
But he still rides your pre-owned wife while you can upgrade to someone better. Think positive!
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Old 04-09-2012, 05:11 PM   #107 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

I don't know if she cheated down in her mind. In my mind she did.

I doubt that she would consider him a step down because she must have felt he was worth risking everything we had built together to be with him.

He is 8 years younger then me...so is my STBXWW. He is a little taller. He is married with kids as well. He is a good time Charley type party guy...all about fun. He seems to be fine sacrificing his time with his kids and wife while lying to them to spend with STBXWW. He is into the carefree life thing...minimizing his responsibilities in favor of his own selfish pursuits.

I am 6' tall and in better proportional physical condition. I look youger then my years. I have all my hair. I am much more successful career wise then him...he makes a fraction of my income. I have multiple degrees...much better educated then him...HS only.

I am an honest, loving and dedicated family man...he is a cheater and a liar. I am an adult and my family always came first. He is a narcissist...he comes first. My STBXWW and him have this in common.
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Old 04-10-2012, 11:36 AM   #108 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
The man my wife left me for is younger, taller, more handsome, more muscular, and much, much, much richer.

It was a major upgrade in literally every single category that defines a man and that made it twice as painful and has absolutely crushed my self-esteem.

Uugggggggghhhhhhhh........
Sometimes you just can't understand the mind of the wicked, and sometimes you can't really grasp how it is that the person you cared for left for things that you cannot change. Yeah it hurts your self esteem, but maybe she will get cancer or something.. Karma is a bizich..
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Old 04-10-2012, 11:41 AM   #109 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
The man my wife left me for is younger, taller, more handsome, more muscular, and much, much, much richer.

It was a major upgrade in literally every single category that defines a man and that made it twice as painful and has absolutely crushed my self-esteem.

Uugggggggghhhhhhhh........
It would have made more sense to me if my wife went the upgrade route, at least I could understand that. The one she picked is a mystery to everyone and almost an insult to me, but then in MLC not much makes sense.
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Old 04-10-2012, 11:51 AM   #110 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

My H ONS Kiss in his mind was an upgrade: 18 years younger and he actually said it made him feel good.

For me I saw photos from that night and I think downgrade: her dress was cheap, shoes out of style, and hair curled the wrong way! HA

But then some men, i.e. my H, don't care about clothes, styles, and brands!!!
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Old 04-10-2012, 12:46 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Thanks, Snap and Bandit.

If the OM and I were cars, it would've be a no brainer trade up for her.

I wouldn't have her back if I could it just galls me that she was able to lie, cheat, humiliate me and treat me like dirt, take my kids, and then get rewarded handsomely for it all.

Life is strange but you have to keep on keeping on, I guess.

Last edited by Alyosha; 04-10-2012 at 12:55 PM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:31 PM   #112 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Based on the poll, would you say that it is about personality, emotional attraction. $, if it is not about physique for a plurality?
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:09 PM   #113 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by L.M.COYL View Post
Based on the poll, would you say that it is about personality, emotional attraction. $, if it is not about physique for a plurality?
Bottom line for my situation -- it was about the money.

She would probably deny it but it has always been about the money with her. The fact that he was also younger and better looking was just bonus material. I think that if a multi-millionaire toad would have shown interest in her, things would have worked out the same way.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:13 PM   #114 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
Bottom line for my situation -- it was about the money.

She would probably deny it but it has always been about the money with her. The fact that he was also younger and better looking was just bonus material. I think that if a multi-millionaire toad would have shown interest in her, things would have worked out the same way.
But did your ex marry the OM or not?

Considering the success rate of affair's I highly doubt a young, rich guy is going to settle with an older woman with child(s).
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:08 PM   #115 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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But did your ex marry the OM or not?

Considering the success rate of affair's I highly doubt a young, rich guy is going to settle with an older woman with child(s).
She is not officially divorced yet but they're shacked up and traveling the world together as I type.
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:23 PM   #116 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon View Post
Bandit, I don't think its worth getting hung up on the physical traits of yourself or the OM. I'd say that at the time of initial stages of affair there is always something in the AP that is more appealing than what your spouse thinks you have to offer. It is very painful no matter what the AP looks like, no matter how big their c()ck is, no matter how much muscle they have etc.
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Originally Posted by Paladin View Post
I think this is a very subjective question/topic. As a BS, our sense of self is usually crushed, the vulnerability of the situation makes even the strongest people question themselves and their own qualities, and assign value to the OM/OW that would not otherwise be there. I would assume in most cases, especially early on, the BS can find many "qualities" in the OM/OW that they themselves "lack."

A good friend of mine responded to me in a very interesting way when I made a self deprecating comment, and compared myself to the OM. He told me:

"Never compare yourself to the OM, he is forbidden fruit, something you could never ever be."
This is exactly how I feel (except that I don't have a c0ck, LOL. I'm working on the muscle part). It doesn't really matter how I feel about myself compared to the OW. He chose her, and not me. I do think about it, but mainly just a curious comparison of this EA/PA versus previous EAs versus me. He's lied so many times, and purposefully said things about OWs just to hurt me in the worst ways possible.

From what I know about STBXH, he likes women with issues who he can 'fix' or who make him feel superior to them. He looks down on my lack of formal education, but doesn't admire the fact that I chose to take care of him when he was sick & out of work instead of finishing my program. I've talked to every one of the EAs and I know I'm just inherently more intelligent than all of them. I have a higher level of practical experience from the school of hard knocks as well.

This 'official' OW (PA) is younger than STBXH (I'm older), we have the same hair color and both wear glasses (me all the time, she mostly wears contacts). She runs marathons, but can't cook food that STBXH likes (I know this because he ate dinners with her and her ex-BF, then came home, complained and ate leftovers of what I cooked for our son & me ). She has a figure like a teenage boy, and mine is that of a curvy woman -- and since I lost weight after I moved away from him, I look even better -- and that's my newfound self-confidence talking. We both dress well. She gets drunk and high all the time (something that used to earn criticism from STBXH), I don't do either. She is pretty. She has more delicate features than I do. But I've been told that I'm pretty, too. It's a matter of taste. I'm not his anymore. Sexually? I don't know. He's the only person I've ever been with, but I'll bet there are bigger and better. I mean to find out, too. Even though he now says he hasn't been attracted to me for years, there were plenty of times during that period where he seemed mighty attracted, and to attributes all of the EAs did not have.

I found a note STBXH wrote to himself talking about her traits of being manipulated by other men (besides himself), and how she talks about herself. Why would he write that down? The attitude he took was not sympathetic. If I wanted to spare her, I'd show it to her. But she was flirting and starting the EA when she was still with her BF, and she knew I didn't want to split with STBXH (no matter what he said). I can't see where 2 cheaters getting together is ever going to work out. And if it does? Well, there are two fewer out there to cause heartache for the rest of us.
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:24 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
She is not officially divorced yet but they're shacked up and traveling the world together as I type.
IMO if they are already travelling and acting like a married couple, I bet the OM is only interested in the milf factor and will dump her after he gets his fun. Especially if your wife has multiple kids.
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Old 04-11-2012, 06:38 AM   #118 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
The man my wife left me for is younger, taller, more handsome, more muscular, and much, much, much richer.

It was a major upgrade in literally every single category that defines a man and that made it twice as painful and has absolutely crushed my self-esteem.

Uugggggggghhhhhhhh........
But he is so poor in values and morals.... you really are the richer man.....
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Old 04-11-2012, 07:29 AM   #119 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

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Originally Posted by Alyosha View Post
She is not officially divorced yet but they're shacked up and traveling the world together as I type.
When you wish upon a star, dreams come true lol...

Adulters Embarking Upon Next Leg Of Their Journey Traveling The World "Were Going To Paris Baby!!"
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Old 04-28-2012, 01:31 PM   #120 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Not sure. My situation is similar to Deciminated. Married 10 yrs, 2 kids. Put ex through graduate school. Minute she got job she said goodbye ($150k+). Buys house from settlement, affair partner of 1.5 yrs moves in. He was working in sales. He is taller 6'3". Not better looking or better shape. Wife and I both 5'8". I always worked hard. I have PhD. Money was not the issue. Claims she was neglected and felt unloved. Last couple years were stressful since we spent a lot time away from each for school. Thought I was building something for my family. I moved 500 miles away for work. She was supposed to follow, but decided to stay with OM. Now I'm alienated from my kids and OM has become their primary caretaker while she is primary breadwinner.
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