Bandit, I don't think its worth getting hung up on the physical traits of yourself or the OM. I'd say that at the time of initial stages of affair there is always something in the AP that is more appealing than what your spouse thinks you have to offer. It is very painful no matter what the AP looks like, no matter how big their c()ck is, no matter how much muscle they have etc.
I think this is a very subjective question/topic. As a BS, our sense of self is usually crushed, the vulnerability of the situation makes even the strongest people question themselves and their own qualities, and assign value to the OM/OW that would not otherwise be there. I would assume in most cases, especially early on, the BS can find many "qualities" in the OM/OW that they themselves "lack."
A good friend of mine responded to me in a very interesting way when I made a self deprecating comment, and compared myself to the OM. He told me:
"Never compare yourself to the OM, he is forbidden fruit, something you could never ever be."
This is exactly how I feel (except that I don't have a c0ck, LOL. I'm working on the muscle part). It doesn't really matter how I
feel about myself compared to the OW. He chose her, and not me. I do think about it, but mainly just a curious comparison of this EA/PA versus previous EAs versus me. He's lied so many times, and purposefully said things about OWs just to hurt me in the worst ways possible.
From what I know about STBXH, he likes women with issues who he can 'fix' or who make him feel superior to them. He looks down on my lack of formal education, but doesn't admire the fact that I chose to take care of him when he was sick & out of work instead of finishing my program. I've talked to every one of the EAs and I know I'm just inherently more intelligent than all of them. I have a higher level of practical experience from the school of hard knocks as well.
This 'official' OW (PA) is younger than STBXH (I'm older), we have the same hair color and both wear glasses (me all the time, she mostly wears contacts). She runs marathons, but can't cook food that STBXH likes (I know this because he ate dinners with her and her ex-BF, then came home, complained and ate leftovers of what I cooked for our son & me
). She has a figure like a teenage boy, and mine is that of a curvy woman -- and since I lost weight after I moved away from him, I look even better -- and that's my newfound self-confidence talking.
We both dress well. She gets drunk and high all the time (something that used to earn criticism from STBXH), I don't do either. She is pretty. She has more delicate features than I do. But I've been told that I'm pretty, too. It's a matter of taste. I'm not his anymore. Sexually? I don't know. He's the only person I've ever been with, but I'll bet there are bigger and better. I mean to find out, too.
Even though he now says he hasn't been attracted to me for years, there were plenty of times during that period where he seemed mighty
attracted, and to attributes all of the EAs did not
I found a note STBXH wrote to himself talking about her traits of being manipulated by other men (besides himself), and how she talks about herself. Why would he write that down? The attitude he took was not sympathetic. If I wanted to spare her, I'd show it to her. But she was flirting and starting the EA when she was still with her BF, and she knew I
didn't want to split with STBXH (no matter what he said). I can't see where 2 cheaters getting together is ever going to work out. And if it does? Well, there are two fewer out there to cause heartache for the rest of us.