Do you think OM/OW was an upgrade or downgrade?

Bandit · 02-15-2012, 06:45 AM

Something that boggles my mind and not trying to push anybodies buttons as the OM/OW, in the event they knew your spouse was married could not possibly be an upgrade so to speak as their morally bankrupt scum..So what I mean by "Upgrade" in the following paragraph is not meant to be a reflection of the BS as a person... --Disclaimer out of the way--

O.K. in my particular situation, the OM was physically speaking in 'most aspects --get to that in a minute' inferior to myself. One of those skinny dudes with a little beer belly (you know the type, take his shoes, give him a caterpillar diesel ball cap, a beat up truck and he could fill in as an extra in deliverance) not saying he's redneck (I am) just that he has that skinny/fat, gross body type. He is from her descriptions and pics I have seen probably 6'0-6'1, 140-150lbs, me I'm 5'9", 205-215 but cut into the high 170's to compete.

<--- Pic taken about a week before a competition at around 186-190 (not dehydrated) I would guess.

Back to the part I said I would get back too.. after finding out, I (maybe all BS's) go through the need every friggen detail phase (a recommendation to those getting ready go there--don't, hindsight being 20/20 you can never forget what you find out and it will add endless hours of run time to your mind movies as well as give you a wealth of new triggers.) Anyway moving on, back to Inspector Bandit trying to be the affair CSI.. It came out the dudes Peter was bigger; why on earth I set myself up by asking that question is beyond me, but done is done and is probably part of trying to find the why? This is not to say that 'Bandit' me is defective in anyway as I'm most assuredly above average in that department without a doubt just that it's like one more thing that made me, me that was taken away..

I have no doubt that I could beat this man to death with my bare hands; and I'm much better looking to boot...so aside from the dizik thing (which I doubt was immediately evident upon their first interactions lest he was wearing some daisy dukes or something) it boggles the mind..

Ok that being said.. did your WS cheat up or cheat down so to speak and any guesses on the reasoning?

bandit.45 · 02-15-2012, 06:52 AM

I'm bigger, stronger and more alpha than my wife's OM. Cannot vouch for pecker size as I am of average proportions down below.

Don't get the attraction she has except that he may have alot more bread than me.

Bandit · 02-15-2012, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45

I'm bigger, stronger and more alpha than my wife's OM. Cannot vouch for pecker size as I am of average proportions down below.

Don't get the attraction she has except that he may have alot more bread than me.

I don't know if money would be enough, or be the attraction.. unless a chic is a gold digger from the start or something along those lines...

PBear · 02-15-2012, 07:05 AM

In my experience (as a spouse who cheated), the big difference has been mental. A willingness/desire/passion for sex was the single biggest selling point, whereas my STBXW had none of that. Physically, I found them appealing, obviously.

C
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Almostrecovered · 02-15-2012, 07:16 AM

OM was an evil doppleganger

lordmayhem · 02-15-2012, 07:25 AM

OM had a prior relationship with her when they were in their teens. Made her feel young again and reliving her youth.

Almostrecovered · 02-15-2012, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

OM was an evil doppleganger

I'm really not exaggerating too much either

OM and I are both tall, a tad chubby, shaved heads, goatees, same sense of sarcastic humor and shared hobbies.

I think she was trying to replace me with a newer and exciting me

NextTimeAround · 02-15-2012, 07:51 AM

I try not to think that I know what's best for men. That is, when I look at other women I remind myself that while I may not find this person attractive some guy could.

OTOH, my guy told me that he didn't find his ex cum EA physically attractive. HE admitted that she was fat and needed to lose weight. I, OTOH, have a hot face and a hot body despite my being 21 years older than the EA, according to him.

Three things though one could this woman has over me:
1. She is still fertile in case that matters to a man.
2. She's white and so is my guy. Race relations being what they are in the US, that could be of value to some.
3. Despite the fact that she is fat, she is on the tall side for a woman. My guy once wanted to catalogue the different "types" of women that he has dated. I can't help but feel, given the the gleam in his eye when he said "I used to date a tall blonde" that she somehow in some way fulfilled some category that he needed to tick off.

mikeydread1982 · 02-15-2012, 08:35 AM

Wife definitely cheated down. She also said he was worse in bed, but slept with him for a year while we were living in different countries, but still together. She said she was just attracted to the idea of who he was (he's a singer in a well known group on the island we're from). She said she felt power knowing that he chose her to be with, although no one else knew about it and he wouldn't take her out. However, she gets upset if I don't do certain things anymore for her. I just say, well, he didn't have to work as hard as I used to and still got the goods. So why should I?

Jellybeans · 02-15-2012, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PBear

In my experience (as a spouse who cheated), the big difference has been mental. A willingness/desire/passion for sex was the single biggest selling point, whereas my STBXW had none of that.

Same for me but in an emotional sense. The OM was very emotionally giving which appealed to me.

highwood · 02-15-2012, 09:02 AM

I have no idea what H's EA looked like. All i know is she was Filipino.

I suspect that she was either the same as me in looks or I am better in looks. I doubt he would be attracted to a "troll".

I am very curious but have never asked him anything about her at all. We were the exact same age....43! I admit I tried searching facebook, internet with her name hoping to find something but could not. At this point though there has been no contact for about 5 months now so it is becoming less relevant to me.

The one good thing is that it never affected my self esteem..I know why he turned to his EA becuase of marital issues that we have been having for years.

highwood · 02-15-2012, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans

Same for me but in an emotional sense. The OM was very emotionally giving which appealed to me.

Exactly what happened with H. the OW was very flattering/appreciative, etc. and he got caught up in that. HOwever she was also very eager to come to Canada where her friend was living and start a new life here...and her friend had not been in the country long enough to sponsor anybody. How he could not see thru that not sure but whatever!

Bandit · 02-15-2012, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikeydread1982

Wife definitely cheated down. She also said he was worse in bed, but slept with him for a year while we were living in different countries, but still together. She said she was just attracted to the idea of who he was (he's a singer in a well known group on the island we're from). She said she felt power knowing that he chose her to be with, although no one else knew about it and he wouldn't take her out. However, she gets upset if I don't do certain things anymore for her. I just say, well, he didn't have to work as hard as I used to and still got the goods. So why should I?

Not to piddle in your Cheerios, but one thing I had a hard time grasping was that; Wouldnt' your WS lying to you about who was better be in their best interest? or serve to 'in their eyes' not make an already shizzy subject that much worse. This singer guy could have been laying pipe like Peter North but the story your going to hear regardless is that he was a loser, sucked in bed, your the best, I'm so sorry what was I thinking, I got nothing from it, his wiener was small, "insert additional lies here".. I mean it's proven that the WS is not only capable of, but also adept at being a liar.

mikeydread1982 · 02-15-2012, 09:35 AM

I know for a fact though that at a minimum, when I thought it was a good idea to cheat to get back some sense of my manhood, I went laterally. Never down. I figured if she were to leave me, i'd have a suitable replacement. But most times it was upwards. Whether financially, looks, or both. CFO's, Vet's, etc. I was actually surprised and intrigued that they were interested in me.

mikeydread1982 · 02-15-2012, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandit

Not to piddle in your Cheerios, but one thing I had a hard time grasping was that; Wouldnt' your WS lying to you about who was better be in their best interest? or serve to 'in their eyes' not make an already shizzy subject that much worse. This singer guy could have been laying pipe like Peter North but the story your going to hear regardless is that he was a loser, sucked in bed, your the best, I'm so sorry what was I thinking, I got nothing from it, his wiener was small, "insert additional lies here".. I mean it's proven that the WS is not only capable of, but also adept at being a liar.

Hence why we argued about it up to this week. Mind you this was yeeeeeeeaaaaars ago, but i'm a logical person, and to think that I would continue to sleep with someone who was terrible in the sack for that lenght of time, and sex was the sole basis of the relationship, is unfathomable. It makes zero sense. She even said that obviously there is something else I want to hear....uhhh yeah, the truth. Who cheats for worse sex they are getting at home? Especially if sex was the only thing the relationship entailed. I think she feels she is sparing my feelings, and I am telling her not to, because that is why this issue still haunts us to this day. That and the fact that she became a total B!tch afterwards and I didn't get an opportunity to recover from it. Hence my stepping out on her. had to regain some sense of self