Cloudy, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, I am almost shedding tears here writing this (at work, for god's sake) for your pain because it reminds me so much of what I went through last May.
You are not alone in this - this will peeve you that us anonymous people on this site are telling you the things you will feel and go through so accurately, however it also will bring comfort and can give you a lot of confidence to move forward with your life.
This is the most painful thing ever. I know it. Your W will not really demonstrate that she acknowledges it, she is in the fog and it is impossible to wake someone up from that state if they don't want to. The most frustrating thing you will face is how she deals with this, as if it is the right thing and really is a good thing. You have a right to be p!ssed and you have the right to do anything you need to cope with this, tell whoever you need whatever you need. Do not accept whatever blame she puts on you because right now she will throw EVERY thing hurtful she can at you: that time 7 years ago when she caught you looking at girlie pics, that year you abanoned her for your work leaving her tied to the house with the kid, that little white lie you may have told, that bad anniversary gift you gave her yadda yadda... She will fling all kinds of crap your way for you to contend with.
So do the 180 people are talking about here. Right now she cannot be remorseful, there is a chance someday she may be but it will likely be past the point of no return for you.
yes I'm projecting a lot of things from my circumstances onto yours, but know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, your life will go on and there is a lot of good things ahead, not even that far off. You will find that once she is out and you start to let go that a lot of things that were difficult become easy, you will breathe and sleep easier. Parenting becomes harder , but you'll become a better father and feel more rewarded because of it.
Good luck to you, as you become ready for things you will make them happen, don't feel like you have to do anything other than what you want to. Listen to your body, meditate and give it what it needs.
I would contact the HR departmen and expose this. I know your wife will not like it but I am betting they text emailed and every thing else on company time. They will both I am sure have at least a write up to deal with.
I turned the POSM that my wife was involved with into his Principal and the District, he is a school teacher. I leared the hard way getting these things at in the open are for the best. Make sure your wifes family knows about all of it. She will spin a story making you look like the bad guy. They should know about the emails and that fact she cheated and when.
Yes take care of yourself and those boys. Your wife did not think once about you or her boys before she spread her legs for that POS.
I will put big money on the fact that your wife will want to work things out with you at some point just be ready for that and be rational in your thinking
Keep the records. Since you plan on D, expose it to friends and family(her family too) before she files some false charges. Is exposing the OM an option? But then she might get spiteful and vengeful with money and kids when you divorce.
Since you know you're going to divorce her you might want to just play it cool, don't play your entire hand and do things on the sly to protect your assets whatever they may be.
Consult with an attorney while telling her you're not sure what you're going to do about the marriage. Always be a few steps ahead.
Remember the courts aren't going to care who cheated when they make decisions in regard to asset distribution and custody and such.
As much as it hurts, it's not a consideration in most if not all states.
I've extracted all the SMS messages off the phone and they are safe on my laptop, just incase I need them.
No point exposing the OM. The problem is, although she is the one who is the wrong, I still have to stay kinda amicable. Mothers have so much pulling power when it comes to kids and money.
Typical reaction to the confrontation, she has started to shift the blame towards me, laughable! As though I made her cheat.
Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.
It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her. Posted via Mobile Device
Don't beg, cry or plead. This is the most important part. You cannot beg her back into a relationship. Even if she comes back, it is worthless . Start detaching from her. Also start planning for separation(The logistics, who moves out, who gets what).
Who is the OM? Find his wife and expose the affair if he is married. If they are co workers, call and inform the HR department
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Do this pronto , there are details in the following link:
Best advice. Don't sound like a whiney B either. She will just remember why she did what she did. Your life is not over, you lived before her, you will live after her.
What you focus on now is showing your boys how to be men and what is not acceptable, and get your ass in check. You'll make it man.
Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.
It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her. Posted via Mobile Device
This kind of advice again. You know this type of stuff gets people hurt, right? He just needs to sort out his business and move on. That is such a b!tch move to ruin careers because his woman can't keep her legs closed. If my woman cheats, how can I be mad at the guy? HE'S A GUY! He needs to check her!
Yes, they're both at fault, I know that's the sole argument, but who is MOST at fault here? Her. Deal with the consequences within the marriage, whatever that may entail for you now, but don't be a sour grape kinda guy, no one respects him.
I've extracted all the SMS messages off the phone and they are safe on my laptop, just incase I need them.
No point exposing the OM. The problem is, although she is the one who is the wrong, I still have to stay kinda amicable. Mothers have so much pulling power when it comes to kids and money.
Typical reaction to the confrontation, she has started to shift the blame towards me, laughable! As though I made her cheat.
Why would you possibly need proof of the affair?
We're living in a "no fault legal system" nowadays. The courts don't care, odds are your divorce will settle before it goes to trial and you'll hash out your own terms, even if it goes to trial the judge will not say "well you cheated on him so he gets more", the affair has no bearing on asset distribution or child custody whatsoever.
Forget about blameshifting and all that other crap.
The only one who has to be convinced that it happened is YOU.
Engage her as little as possible, business only, in regards to finances, the household and the kids.
Leave the personal stuff out of your conversations, it's pointless.
We're living in a "no fault legal system" nowadays. The courts don't care, odds are your divorce will settle before it goes to trial and you'll hash out your own terms, even if it goes to trial the judge will not say "well you cheated on him so he gets more", the affair has no bearing on asset distribution or child custody whatsoever.
Forget about blameshifting and all that other crap.
The only one who has to be convinced that it happened is YOU.
Engage her as little as possible, business only, in regards to finances, the household and the kids.
Leave the personal stuff out of your conversations, it's pointless.
If this is indeed a fact, this is troubling. Who allowed that to take effect? Must have been a bunch of cheaters on that panel.
If this is indeed a fact, this is troubling. Who allowed that to take effect? Must have been a bunch of cheaters on that panel.
Man do you have a lot of catching up to do.
Start with a Google search on "No Fault Divorce".
The typical scenario in many divorces:
Hard working guy works so many long hours to provide for wife and young children that he doesn't give her the attention she feels she needs. While he's working 12 hour days or longer, and then coming home and collapsing on the sofa, she's out screwing some guy who is giving her what her husband cannot.
The affair is discovered, she says "yeah you got me it's your fault for neglecting me", a divorce is filed by one or the other, she is usually given sole occupancy of the marital residence, he's kicked out by the courts and is living in a small apartment or with relatives paying so much in support that he barely has enough to live on, and worse yet, the OM moves in and basically replaces him in his own home. The wife is usually given sole custody and the husband visitation because she was the primary caregiver (because he was working all the time).
It happens.
All the time. Usually to the guy because much more often than not the guy is the breadwinner but it happens to women too.
hisfac, it is no fault as you describe in most but not all American jurisdictions, however in some states there are more drastic consequences for teh adulterer.
Contact their employer and inform them of the affair.
It is their environment which permitted it to happen and no doubt their money which paid fir him to travel to have sex with her. Posted via Mobile Device
I have to say I completely agree with this. She must be snapped out of her fog and she must face some consequences for her actions. The OM needs to face consequences as well. Bottom line is that unless she is held accountable your kids will learn it's ok to hurt people and cheat and nothing will come of it.
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Re: Just found out :( 
