happyman64

Borderline,

I am glad you finally got the truth.

It is a start if you can let it be and if she is willing to do the heavy lifting and tell the truth.

HM64

borderline

We are still separated with her having time at home. I have made it very clear that I am not ready to make an R or D decision right now and she has responded that she fully understands.

I have given her a copy of the post I found on the site about what her role is so to speak and what she is to expect from me.....I don't remember the OP of that one but pretty sure it was on almostR's newbie post. She has read it and has said she will do all so I will see if that holds true.

She is seeking information on the net and through setting up an app't with a counselor on how to deal with "my own shame and self hate for what I've done to you and us". She is no longer blaming the PPD....stating that it was a factor in our communication breakdown and instead of listening to me that something was wrong and she needed help, she went to OM. She has, at least verbally, taken full responsibility for her decisions. I will add that the majority of these things have come without prompt or demand from me.

Both W and OM have stated (separately) that there has been NC since May of last year. W has volunteered to do a NC letter despite there being NC since may.

I am proceeding slowly and cautiously. This could be real remorse (and I feel it is) or it could very well be placative behaviour to avoid taking real responsibility ....I am,understandably, cynical.

morituri

Are you in IC (individual counseling)? TAM is a great place for emotional support but it can't take the place of IC.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

borderline

Being arranged as we speak. Its nice as work provides it free so yes, will be going to IC

morituri

Excellent. Your healing comes FIRST. It is vital not just for your own well being but for your children's well being as well.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

warlock07

Any updates borderline? Just read your post in another thread.

borderline

Hi warlock. I have still not made up my mind to R or D though I may be nearing the point where I feel better equipped to make a decision. W has been doing all the right things and is not pressing for a decision. She has started IC (as have I) .

I will see if she shows she is in it for the long haul in terms of the difficulties there will be and the work required of her and I if I decide to stay.

In short, not rushing, I'm feeling a bit better and she's doing all the right things for now.

the guy

Its been 2yrs, one month since I confronted and I still have not made a dicision. Thats the deal with us , I can D any time and she can continue to repair the marriage with a real R, or not!

Right now both of us have a pretty good idea of what we are capable of doing, we have faith that the other will do the right thing to keep the other around.

Some how we have managed to do the right thing for each other and we keep waking up next to each other.

There is hope and no need to tell her what you deside, it will be her job to fix this and keep you around, period. Just like it could be your job to forgive( but not forget) or bail.

Now that the both of you are educated with this crap, then there should be no misstake what will happen if it happens again! And for that fact there should be no reason for "it" to happen again period.

Once your chick fixes her self then she can fix *her* marriage!

The rules have changed and your chick made the rule changes and now she can accept them or not.