happyman64

happyman64

Eli-Zor is on the money. Hold your emotions in check. Let her answer your questions. Keep it civil.

Ask and just listen. No crying. No shouting. No hurt feelings.

Do not let your response to her answers drag your marriage down.

Just talk.

bandit.45

If you don't ask her, this knowledge will eat away at you like a cancer. Your bitterness will grow and you'll either withdraw from her or you'll wig out on her one day and send the marriage into a tailspin anyway.

Better now than later....

tacoma

You need to at the very least discuss this with her.

heavensangel

I agree with those advising you to at least talk to her about it. The 'not knowing' will do more harm to your feelings for her than you think. If she gets upset about your reading it, being that both your lives should be an open book to each other - NO SECRETS!! -, then maybe there is something there for you to be concerned about.

IMO - If they have to hide what they're doing; then they shouldn't be doing it.

Granted, you said the letter was written before your wedding as was your direct ?? of her true feelings.... In my eyes, this does not minimize the effect a letter like that can have on you.

TDSC60

In the e-mail she talks about a guy she was with for 4 years who broke-up with her as he had wanted time for his professional career and with whom she is in touch although sparingly . But in the email she talks of him as the love of her life that she could not hold on to . Someone she will always love. But thing that had me actually floored was this line " I wouldn't think 2ice if he asked me to come away with him. Although I know that is ever gonna happen but I would always wait for him.I know that I Peter(me) would be heartbroken but he is strong man he can get over it easily."

Didn't see that the email was sent 6 months before you were married - but even so, the bold statements would still bother me. All this 6 months prior to marriage makes you a rebound 2nd choice.

Were you engaged when she wrote this?

Is she still in contact with this guy? Considering her stated feelings about him, even occasional contact would bother me no end. She is just keeping her feelings for him fresh and torturing you.

You need to talk to her.

asylumspadez

Look at it this way - You were together for about 3 years when she sent this email. It proves how much she values those years when she told her best friend that she would drop you in a minute. You are nothing to her, You are second string to her. Why would you bother staying with her when she thinks so low of you?

Its wise for you not to confront her right away because the key logger will help you find a ton of information (should she be hiding anything from you). Wait two weeks for the key logger then confront her about the email (and any info you find with the key logger). Also stop trying to make a baby. Getting her pregnant now would only complicate things even more.

5stringpicker

Ok GTA, I need to get the facts straight. When was the email in question sent to her friend? Its a little different if it was sent before your marriage than if it was sent last week. If its a recent thing, only you can decide whether her companionship is worth being relegated a substitute for the one she really wants.

Skylar

You mentioned in your post that you installed a keylogger on her computer. I say wait a month. I know it's difficult, but wait a month and keep track in seeing what she's up to. Then make sure to keep a mental note of all the things that's giving you doubts about her. Then use all the information that you found out and ask her questions regarding those information. However do it in a way where she has to say it herself, if what she says matches what you know know then she's telling the truth, or if what she says doesn't then you'll probably know what to do after. I don't know whether what I'm saying make sense to you, but if you confront her right away, she might become suspicious and lie her head off about everything and then she might start doing things behind your back. :S

GTA06

Yesterday I tried to ask her about her situation with the Ex but did not confront her directly. I asked what is going on in his life and how do you feel about him?
On the second part she kinda jumped on me and said that she feel nothing for him like and she remembers him like any1 would feel about a bygone love and that she has me now and wants nothing else ..........: scratchhead:
I also monitored her the actions through her keylogger software but haven't found anything suspicious .Well not yet ?? I still have her Blackberry to monitor ...........

GTA06

Well it's been a some-time since I posted and I just have bad news to share . After pondering and obsessing over this issue I did finally crack and confronted her.
To her credit my wife was upfront and accepted that every word of which she had written was true as per her feelings then!!!
But she said over the years she has has changed and has grown to love me and cannot identify her life without me .
Well nevertheless I left our home the very next day and have begun the divorce process.
She has been trying to get in touch with me regularly and was recently admitted into hospital for dehydration and is also being treated for the mental shock she suffered after I left.
Well needless to say i am facing opposition from each and every corner of my life right from my family to my friends . my parents want us to get back together and start a family.Her family is totally against this divorce and have accused me of being an abusive and greedy husband and have filed police complaints on grounds of marital abuse and demanding dowry.
I have decided to stick to my guns as I can't really see any future with my soon to be divorced wife but it's hard because suddenly i have become kind of a pariah in my own home town.

OldWolf57

well are you a greedy husband ?? this woman has stuck by you dude. she got over the dude. Have ther been others that had you suspicious before. I know you are hurt, but by the time you asked her to marry you, maybe she was over him. Remember this was six months before you asked. True ?? dowry ??? well at least you not a bride burner.

happyman64

GTA,

I do not understand why you left your wife.

1. You verified her actions and messages over the past few months and everything shows she is a faithful loving wife????
   
2. You confronted her about the letter/email and she verified that it is entirely true from 6 months before you were married and that it might have been written in anger.
   
3. She verified that she loves only you and wants to be with you and have a family.

I am confused as to why you left after you verified all of this???

Your wife sounds like she is loyal and honest plus she sounds like she is broken hearted you left.

What made you walk out the door on your marriage? The truth?

HM64

GTA06

I still have the transcripts of the email exchange and the more I read it the more I have become convinced that i married a big-time actress. I don't know why she agreed to go through the marriage but i guess it may have been the pressure and expectations of her family that may have pushed her.
I must also mention that i am from India .Here if you're a woman and not married till say 27-28 life does get difficult not only socially but from family-wise too.
Hence I think that her agreeing to marry me was more out of familial pressure rather than genuinely out of love and I ended up being the scapegoat.
Well i haven't talked to my wife about these thoughts and I feel opening up and talking about these thoughts is only going to invite more bickering ,insults fro my own family and in-laws.In India people tend rug-sweep the individual problems just in the name of family values leaving every person to fight his demons on his own.
So all in all I can say I feel completely betrayed and tricked by my spouse and that's the reason I walked out.

aug

I understand there are cultural differences and expectations than what most TAM posters are used to.

So, could her reaction after you left be attributed to how your society may view a divorced woman?