Don't Know what to do ?????

GTA06 · 02-17-2012, 11:37 AM

Hi I am married to my wife for 2-1/2 years but been with her for 5-1/2 years.Before marrying my wife during our engagement I had asked my wife , that if she still held a torch for some by-gone love someone she still had feelings for she can backout and not keep me around as some sort of backup plan bcoz I wanted sum1 who really wanted to be with me because she really loved me and saw a future with me and not as some sort of compromise.
We have been trying for a child for last 6 months and few days back I came across an email she had sent to her friend accidentally that has me now questioning the very foundation of my marriage .uy she was with
In the e-mail she talks about a guy she was with for 4 years who broke-up with her as he had wanted time for his professional career and with whom she is in touch although sparingly . But in the email she talks of him as the love of her life that she could not hold on to . Someone she will always love. But thing that had me actually floored was this line " I wouldn't think 2ice if he asked me to come away with him. Although I know that is ever gonna happen but I would always wait for him.I know that I Peter(me) would be heartbroken but he is strong man he can get over it easily."
Now this is the woman I told specifically to not to lie about her feelings and bare them out and if that was actually the case let me go out with a clean conscience .
Well I now see that never happened so now I am here and feel stuck not knowing what mt future course of action should be .
Initially I did want to confront her but I have decided to wait and watch I have just installed a keylogger software to track her internet movements maybe get better insight of her emotions In the time being please hit me with some constructive ideas.

CH · 02-17-2012, 11:40 AM

Looks like she's not the one then. You'll always be 2nd choice to her, can you live with that?

Jellybeans · 02-17-2012, 11:41 AM

Sorry for your pain.

Who did she write this email to?

You are going to have to confront her with your knowledge. You said you "came across the email." Does that mean you went looking for it? From your posts it sounds as if you always wondered if she had feelings for someone else. Why? And did you wonder about that guy specifically? You said you asked her this during your engagement so I am wondering, what is the back story there.

Her having ANY contact with this guy is bad news for your marriage. You said they "sparingly" have contact but even that is too much.

GTA06 · 02-17-2012, 11:49 AM

The email was for her girlfriend (BFF) of 15 years.Well her mailbox was open and thought why check it out it I as then that I came across the email.Currently i don't know that confronting her will be the best idea . I think i should gather enough info as to what is going on in her head before I press the matter on her .

67flh · 02-17-2012, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTA06

The email was for her girlfriend (BFF) of 15 years.Well her mailbox was open and thought why check it out it I as then that I came across the email.Currently i don't know that confronting her will be the best idea . I think i should gather enough info as to what is going on in her head before I press the matter on her .

i sure would be alful carefull about thr tring to have a kid part.nothing like throwing more problems into the mix
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TDSC60 · 02-17-2012, 12:05 PM

She just told you in the email what is going on. She is still in love with the "love of her life", her "soulmate" and she would leave you if he said he wanted her back. He is #1 in her heart, you are #2.

Now you know what she thinks. You said she is maintaining contact with the other man. You know if he said to her "Lets meet at a hotel and get it on just like old times" she would go with him. She told her GF as much.

Confronting her will do nothing. She will lie probably but maybe she will tell you the truth. Who know?

OK, #2 what do you want to do about it. I think you have two choices now that you know her mind.

1. Stay with her and always wonder if the other guy will come and take her away.

2. Realize she does not love you romantically like she does him and get a divorce before it is too late and you have children.

By the way - having a child would not stop her from going with him.

Jellybeans · 02-17-2012, 12:07 PM

Don't get her pregnant.
You may not want to confront her but I don't think you realize what a big deal you have on your hands right now.
It sounds like she still loves him.

Eli-Zor · 02-17-2012, 12:08 PM

Confront her and get the drama out of the way, her reaction will give you a clue of her thinking processes. If she makes a comment about privacy remind her privacy is for the bathroom secrecy is deceit . No matter what she says you know that she would drop you in the blink of an eye and this is going to be with you while you are married to her . There will come a day when the ex or your wife will make the contact more personal.

It is pointless trying to convince her to love you. Please don't beg or be needy and be fooled by your love for her. Read her words again they translate that she cares so little for you she would move on , your plan b and always have been.

I suggest as this is very early on in your marriage you divorce now, don't be shy to tell people why? Your not the one causing the problem she is.
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Initfortheduration · 02-17-2012, 12:17 PM

GTA, think for a moment. It doesn't matter what you find out. She lied to you, married you, used you, has sworn love to another man, and wouldn't think twice about casting you aside for him.

WHAT EXACTLY MORE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

I believe your thinking is somewhat clouded. The woman said she would dump you in a hot second if asked. Just how do you fix that? You can divorce her worthless a$$ for the succubus she has prove herself to be.

Eli-Zor · 02-17-2012, 12:23 PM

"Currently i don't know that confronting her will be the best idea . I think i should gather enough info as to what is going on in her head before I press the matter on her ."

There is no need for more info , she will either lie and deny or admit she does not love you . Are you prepared to carry on knowing full well she will walk out as soon as the ex makes a move. Are you willing to live your life with someone that does not, has not and will not love you. Sadly I see no future for you with your wife .
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warlock07 · 02-17-2012, 12:59 PM

Quote:

I know that I Peter(me) would be heartbroken but he is strong man he can get over it easily

This sentence disgusts me. She does not have a speck of respect for you

chillymorn · 02-17-2012, 01:41 PM

he kicked her to the curb.

she will carry this torch forever but he kicked her to the curb.

personaly I think she was just bullsh*ttin with her friend and you most likley have nothing to worry about.

Complexity · 02-17-2012, 02:06 PM

Run for the hills before you bring any children into this.

Quote:

personaly I think she was just bullsh*ttin with her friend and you most likley have nothing to worry about

ing · 02-17-2012, 02:15 PM

Stop trying to have a kid with her.
It is not going to make anything better, only worse.
It is very good you found this before she got pregnant because it gives you a chance to talk about this and be able to have the real option to stop this and move on relatively unscathed.

Gabriel · 02-17-2012, 02:22 PM

If I saw that email I would definitely confront her immediately. But that's my style.

Who cares how you found it? Surely she will tell you that you were a snoop and she can't trust you now. But who cares?

This is a HUGE situation. How could you live even one more day without saying anything to her? I couldn't even look at my wife if I saw that.