Mr. Confused, I sympathize with you and your decision to divorce. I respect you for sharing this heartbreak with us. It takes two to tango. Just because you cheated does not neccesarily make you the ass.
Right. It makes him a saint
Quote:
There are different forms of asses as you have seen in this forum. Sometimes being married to an ass makes one cheat.
No, lousy character makes one cheat. I was married to an ass of a woman, even didn't get sex. But it wasn't in my character to cheat, therefore, I didn't.
all you scorned people should relax. go have a drink . and go get laid . it helps .. for christ sake ... i banged my gf last friday and have had no guilt with the wife all week
Thats because you are a sociopathic POS.
Quote:
it takes 2 to ruin a marriage
But only one to be a cheating scumbag.
Quote:
... just because one of the spouses winds up banging somebody does not make that person the bad guy.
Maybe not the only bad guy, but a bad guy nonetheless, and to a higher degree.
Justify what you are doing every way to Sunday. It doesn't make you any less of a POS.
There is a similar thread where a wife had cancer, recovered, but would not be intimate with her husband for 10 years. This thread is similar, but a lesser extent of OP suffering.
If his wife does not blame him, and understands, what are repliers mad about - sounds like people are just projecting. As I see it, his wife quit the marriage - when one person outright refused to care about the other's happiness and fulfillment. She effectively acknowledged she knows what is required to make him happy and she would not oblige that. She committed to being his wife, but later chose not to do what she had been doing and what the OP and most people would expect. Whether they had a divorce decree is beside the point. She ended it. When one party says I do not care about your happiness or fulfillment, and continues on that path for years, they are the one that ends the marriage and are being lazy or cowardly to not end the marriage. If you do not care about your spouse, you should file for a divorce - especially if your spouse cares about you and would rekindle the marriage in a heartbeat.
I think he should have been honest and said that because she would not try to make him happy, he may look to find someone that does. But when the marriage is ended, it is over. Because you live together and share a history does not mean that you owe the person anything beyond what you'd owe a roomate/friend.
I guess it comes down to what is cheating. Is it the same definition as adultry? Not in my book. Cheating in my book requires a committed marriage, not a marriage of convenience. An example would be if I called my wife ugly and stupid every day for a year, I should have no expectations of anything from her. A conscious decision to be cruel and callous to your spouse (denying sex, love, companionship, support) over an extended period alleviates some of the demeaned spouses obligations. Note the word conscious. You know you aren't having sex with your husband. You know he needs it. Please do not be "shocked — shocked— to find that gambling is going on in here". Sounds like the OP's wife wasn't so shocked.
You know, I get more emotional reactions from strangers on a board than from the wife I "betrayed". Make of that what you will.
Are my actions a "mistake" - seems we want to debate that point. It's not a mistake if it's fully informed I see is the point.
The problem with my affair, and others I suspect, is - usually...guessing - people don't just decide gee I want to become emotionally involved or start having sex outside my marriage. I know I didn't. I also didn't want to be in a sexless marriage. I didn't want a lot of things I have today, some were completely in my control and I f'd it up. Other thing were f'd up despite what I'd consider concerted efforts to address.
So I posted this thread just to get some sh*t off my chest. I neither sought support or confrontation. Minimally I think I have a different experience than most. I live in a 100% sexless marriage - do you? My spouse did not discover my affair, she was notified it might be happening and asked and I told her. It has been ~8 months since that time and she has never brought it up again, tried to address our issues, sought therapy despite my recommendation - or quite honestly done anything to resolve, dissolve, or reconcile. I get everyone emotion and sentiments on the topic - it makes sense - I expected something similar from my wife - perhaps more - but no - nothing.
I don't know why. I can't figure it out. I have my suspicions. I do provide quite well for her - we have a couple of homes, maids, boats, etc.. Her life is pretty good. I strongly suspect on the whole she would love to retain these things. I do not think she loves me the way a couple should love one another. I'm ok with that because the feeling is mutual. I guess we can speculate, but as someone in it - it's not real clear.
I don't like my actions, I call them a mistake, call it what you want. I don't enjoy anything that requires me to conceal it. But I will also say I don't view it as betrayal at this point. She knows about it, she never once said I betrayed her, how can you betray someone on something you don't share? How can she expect me to only have sex with her if we don't have sex? That may not resonate with you, but since we aren't married really doesn't matter much - she gets that. I think we are somewhat unique in that respect.
all you scorned people should relax. go have a drink . and go get laid . it helps .. for christ sake ... i banged my gf last friday and have had no guilt with the wife all week.... sometimes people stay for many reasons ... it takes 2 to ruin a marriage... just because one of the spouses winds up banging somebody does not make that person the bad guy.
lots of lovers scorned not willing to hear the other viewpoint on this thread (hi dexter) . . . .
you miserable scorned people are so easy to detect... you are the one critical of everyone in the office. the socially awkward individual at a corporate gathering. the corner of the bar not talking person during happy hour...
go ahead ... trash everyone here who admits to an affair... it doesn't change your hurt. it doesn't make me feel worse. ...
hey ladies .. listen up ... you want a faithful, devoted husband.... don't cut his balls off in front of his buddies. don't put him in a sexless , loveless relationship. don't threaten divorce because you know you have leverage with the kids ... don't count how many drinks he has when you are out with couples... don't forget to hold his hand. don't forget to try. to send sexy texts. sexy pics. keep your ass in shape... it's the least you could do... nobody wants to bang a pig. be the 'hot wife' ... real real easy.
Well this started in 08'. I could ahve left then but the economy was for sh*t and had two homes under water. I didn't want my child to be forced to move, switch schools, and deal with this at that age. I have ridden out the storm and now in the best financial shape in a long time, my child has matured, and it's time to leave.
We are discussing divorce, I've spoken to the lawyer, been through therapy etc.. We could continue to do this roommate thing indefinitely I suppose, but now is a good time to move on.
Reflecting on all this crap - I guess accepting celibacy was my most honorable option. I'm sure had I left long ago, turned everyone's life upside down so I could go be honorable and happy would have left me feeling worse than what I have. Celibacy was terrible also. Hell, I don't know, all my options sucked.
It's all left me pessimistic about marriage in general. NEVER again, especially since no more children planned. I guess a great marriage is wonderful and something to aspire towards, but with a 50% failure rate the "successful" 50% seemingly half miserable....I just don't know...but I digress....
You know, I get more emotional reactions from strangers on a board than from the wife I "betrayed". Make of that what you will.
Are my actions a "mistake" - seems we want to debate that point. It's not a mistake if it's fully informed I see is the point.
The problem with my affair, and others I suspect, is - usually...guessing - people don't just decide gee I want to become emotionally involved or start having sex outside my marriage. I know I didn't. I also didn't want to be in a sexless marriage. I didn't want a lot of things I have today, some were completely in my control and I f'd it up. Other thing were f'd up despite what I'd consider concerted efforts to address.
So I posted this thread just to get some sh*t off my chest. I neither sought support or confrontation. Minimally I think I have a different experience than most. I live in a 100% sexless marriage - do you? My spouse did not discover my affair, she was notified it might be happening and asked and I told her. It has been ~8 months since that time and she has never brought it up again, tried to address our issues, sought therapy despite my recommendation - or quite honestly done anything to resolve, dissolve, or reconcile. I get everyone emotion and sentiments on the topic - it makes sense - I expected something similar from my wife - perhaps more - but no - nothing.
I don't know why. I can't figure it out. I have my suspicions. I do provide quite well for her - we have a couple of homes, maids, boats, etc.. Her life is pretty good. I strongly suspect on the whole she would love to retain these things. I do not think she loves me the way a couple should love one another. I'm ok with that because the feeling is mutual. I guess we can speculate, but as someone in it - it's not real clear.
I don't like my actions, I call them a mistake, call it what you want. I don't enjoy anything that requires me to conceal it. But I will also say I don't view it as betrayal at this point. She knows about it, she never once said I betrayed her, how can you betray someone on something you don't share? How can she expect me to only have sex with her if we don't have sex? That may not resonate with you, but since we aren't married really doesn't matter much - she gets that. I think we are somewhat unique in that respect.
Maybe she has someone as well. Sounds plausible. I mean you're still in your affair. Why do you care what her reaction is?
hey ladies .. listen up ... you want a faithful, devoted husband.... don't cut his balls off in front of his buddies. don't put him in a sexless , loveless relationship. don't threaten divorce because you know you have leverage with the kids ... don't count how many drinks he has when you are out with couples... don't forget to hold his hand. don't forget to try. to send sexy texts. sexy pics. keep your ass in shape... it's the least you could do... nobody wants to bang a pig. be the 'hot wife' ... real real easy.
And the same can be said to men, don't treat your wife like dirt, like a maid or mom, pay attention to her, don't take her for granted. Don't ridicule her, let her win all the time
Oh, wait, forget that last one ok, you guys never saw it because I wear the pants in the family, got it
Like it's been said, it takes 2 to make a marriage work, but it only takes one to destroy a marriage.
lots of lovers scorned not willing to hear the other viewpoint on this thread (hi dexter) . . . .
you miserable scorned people are so easy to detect... you are the one critical of everyone in the office. the socially awkward individual at a corporate gathering. the corner of the bar not talking person during happy hour...
go ahead ... trash everyone here who admits to an affair... it doesn't change your hurt. it doesn't make me feel worse. ...
hey ladies .. listen up ... you want a faithful, devoted husband.... don't cut his balls off in front of his buddies. don't put him in a sexless , loveless relationship. don't threaten divorce because you know you have leverage with the kids ... don't count how many drinks he has when you are out with couples... don't forget to hold his hand. don't forget to try. to send sexy texts. sexy pics. keep your ass in shape... it's the least you could do... nobody wants to bang a pig. be the 'hot wife' ... real real easy.
my point is .. i'm here for a reason .. once i resolve my issues... i'm gone.
why are you still here ? 3300 posts ? why ?
my reason is to help the betrayed get thru probably the most difficult time in their lives by relaying my experience, you on the other hand are looking to hurt them and justify your selfish behavior
10Likes
Re: Confesions of a cheater 
hi again.
