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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-21-2012, 10:18 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Descendants - Take on Infidelity

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Originally Posted by Thor View Post
What I need is a movie about a spouse taking a polygraph.
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What I need is a movie where the BS throws the cheating spouse out on the street naked, and people are driving by taking pictures and posting it on youtube

Or something where the BS is able to publicly humiliate them, get custody, or somehow get all the marital assets and the cheating spouse has to start over. Now THAT would be a movie!!
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:26 AM   #47 (permalink)
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His wife's failings would have a lesser man trashing her to his young daughter, his tool of a father in law, the world.
Oh please. Spare us.

I agree that no matter what, you should NEVER trash the spouse to your children. Thats not even a debate.

But if he chose to handle it a different way with other people, that doesn't make him a lesser man. How he handles dealing with finding out he was betrayed by a lesser woman, with exception to his kids, would be understandable to say the least.



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Instead, he honored his commitments to all
The only committment he had at that point was to his daughters and nobody else.


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even his cheating wife.
Wrong. The day she didn't honor her committment is the day he had no responsibility to her.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:44 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Descendants - Take on Infidelity

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I didn't consider his character a cuckold, because to be a cuckold, one would have to continue putting up with a cheating spouse. She wasn't cheating anymore, obviously




Yes, we know you keep saying its thought provoking without qualifying your statements. My guess is you are refraining from saying what you really want to say, and for good reason seeing as how many of us here realize you posted this more to provoke, while veiling the intentions pretty well. So I guess all we'll get from you is "thought provoking"



Ya, we know you find it interesting.

The rest of us, for the most part, no.
First others have referred to Matt King as a cuckold, not you. I am responding to posts in general.

I get it, you're hurt and can't look at this objectively.

Yes I posted this to provoke (where you get that Idea, please let me know).... You DM are the one who likes to provoke.

Anyone who has liked the movie you seem very upset about it. I take it you feel the same about the 89% of film critics who gave it a positive rating and those who nominated it for Academy Awards?

I posted it here as I really liked the movie and how they portrayed the affair. This was not a Hallmark romance or a Mystery/Legal Thriller (Presumed Innocent & Unfaithful).

I will say again as someone in their late 40's, teens, 20-30 years with my spouse it is something that spoke to me. Sorry you seem to have a problem with that DM.

Last edited by Havesomethingtosay; 02-21-2012 at 11:10 AM.
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Old 02-21-2012, 11:04 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Those that gave it good ratings must have been cheaters.
Or, y'know, people examining it from a storytelling and filmmaking perspective.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had overture weekend. A friend and I were discussing the work of comics writer Alan Moore, perhaps best known to the general public as the writer of Watchmen, the comic mini-series that the movie of the same name was based on. In interviews regarding Watchmen, he was asked several times how he was able to write te character Rorschach so compellingly, when the character's politics, ideology and views on the world are so diametrically opposed to Moore's own. His response was that if he were only able to write characters well if they were just like him, that would make him a bad writer. By extension, we don't have to like or agree with the way a story in a movie, tv show or book plays out to be able to enjoy it on its own merits. It's a film critic's job to look at that larger picture, not simply at whether or not they think the characters did the right thing.
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:59 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Descendants - Take on Infidelity

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Anyone who has liked the movie you seem very upset about it. I take it you feel the same about the 89% of film critics who gave it a positive rating and those who nominated it for Academy Awards?
I have seen countless movies with at least a partial theme of infidelity. I have also seen many movies, tv shows, and news stories with some mention of child sexual abuse.

Before I had any personal knowledge of those things they meant nothing more to me than any other plot element. Now they are triggers for me, and so I choose to not watch them.

If people like the movie, great. If it is a piece of art and wins all kinds of awards, fine. If others here like it, that's ok too. If it glamorizes infidelity or sets out to make the BS husband as at fault, I would be disappointed.
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Old 02-21-2012, 03:54 PM   #51 (permalink)
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First others have referred to Matt King as a cuckold, not you. I am responding to posts in general.

I get it, you're hurt and can't look at this objectively.
No, you don't get it. I am long past hurt. I got rid of the source of the pain.

Secondly, what is there to be objective about when people come here belching platitudes of praise in a CWI forum of a movie that shows a BS that turns the other cheek. You knew what you were doing when you posted this thread, which is the same reason why you dodge the questions of your status here, cheater? OM/OW? BS? WS?

Your refusal to acknowledge tells us your true intent. Objective? please.


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Anyone who has liked the movie you seem very upset about it. I take it you feel the same about the 89% of film critics who gave it a positive rating and those who nominated it for Academy Awards?
Their nominations are more than likely coming from the standpoint of acting and the story in general. Not that "this is how a BS should behave". I gather you love the idea of a humbled BS.


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I posted it here as I really liked the movie and how they portrayed the affair.
And how, in your opinion, was it portrayed?


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I will say again as someone in their late 40's, teens, 20-30 years with my spouse it is something that spoke to me. Sorry you seem to have a problem with that DM.
What I have a problem with is someone coming into CWI with intent to show that this is how a BS should cowtow.
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Old 02-21-2012, 03:58 PM   #52 (permalink)
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In order to protect his daughters he had to be discreet. Thrashing about publicly would not do that.
I already said the way he handled it with his kids was the only way to go. And one doesn't need to "thrash" about it pubicly and loudly to cease being a doormat, or whipped pup.


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If he had, say, beaten the OM to a bloody pulp, that would have put his children's future at risk--no matter how satisfying.
Nowhere did I say he should have done that, and would never advise it in real life. But he could have looked at the guy's wife and said, "your husband had an affair with my wife" and walked off.

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He chose to focus on their needs.
Their needs was to have a father and husband that didn't betray them in the first place.

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And following through with her final resting place was for those girls.

If you have children you may understand.
I do. And I wouldn't be the one to bury their mother after finding out she completely disrespected me and cheated on me. I'd respectfully tell her family that they need to make arrangements for their daughter and why.

My main issue with your previous post is that you thought a man that stood up for himself and would have handled things a little differently would be a "lesser man". The only lesser in the equation is the cheater.

Only way I would have considered him a lesser man is if he trashed his wife to his kids. Thats it. The other emotions and reactions he would have been entitled.
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:12 PM   #53 (permalink)
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I already said the way he handled it with his kids was the only way to go. And one doesn't need to "thrash" about it pubicly and loudly to cease being a doormat, or whipped pup.




Nowhere did I say he should have done that, and would never advise it in real life. But he could have looked at the guy's wife and said, "your husband had an affair with my wife" and walked off.



Their needs was to have a father and husband that didn't betray them in the first place.



I do. And I wouldn't be the one to bury their mother after finding out she completely disrespected me and cheated on me. I'd respectfully tell her family that they need to make arrangements for their daughter and why.

My main issue with your previous post is that you thought a man that stood up for himself and would have handled things a little differently would be a "lesser man". The only lesser in the equation is the cheater.

Only way I would have considered him a lesser man is if he trashed his wife to his kids. Thats it. The other emotions and reactions he would have been entitled.
Maybe you have your nose a bit out of joint and are reading far more into my words than I intended.

A father of two young daughters, one quite naive, already dealing with the loss of their mother, as flawed as she was, did not need the potential violence of a combative confrontation.

If daddy got locked up for fighting that resulted in injury or worse? How would that be useful?

The character's resolve to protect them despite his own pain speaks volumes to me about the man portrayed.

The movie is about his reaction to protect his family.

If it meant sucking it up about the end if her life, he was up for the role.

Angry exchanges with relatives, friends, or the OM's family would be fruitless after a superficial moment.
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:23 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Maybe you have your nose a bit out of joint and are reading far more into my words than I intended.
So you didn't intend to imply that a man who would have chosen a different way to handle the information of his wife's cheating, with the exception of not bringing the kid's into, is a lesser man? Those WERE your words.


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A father of two young daughters, one quite naive, already dealing with the loss of their mother, as flawed as she was, did not need the potential violence of a combative confrontation.
And when did I say anything about violence or "combative" confrontation. I merely said he should keep his emotions in check with the kids, but if he decided to tell the in laws that they will need to make arrangements for their daughter, I wouldn't blame him. He would not be a "lesser man" for deciding to not add insult to his injury.


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If daddy got locked up for fighting that resulted in injury or worse? How would that be useful?
It wouldn't. How many times do I have to say I would never condone physical violence?


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The character's resolve to protect them despite his own pain speaks volumes to me about the man portrayed.
Yes, and as admirable as it is, it wouldn't make him a lesser man if he told the inlaws they need to make her arrangments.


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The movie is about his reaction to protect his family.
And he could have still done that if he decided a different course of action, aside from physical violence or public exposure.


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If it meant sucking it up about the end if her life, he was up for the role.

Angry exchanges with relatives, friends, or the OM's family would be fruitless after a superficial moment.
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Again, not talking about angry exchanges with relatives. Now calling a spade a spade with regards to the so-called friends who decided to keep him in the dark about his betrayal, and the wife friend who probably coddled her throughout her affair is a different matter.

He wouldn't have been a "lesser man" if he decided to give them a piece of his mind.
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Old 02-21-2012, 05:56 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Descendants - Take on Infidelity

Holding up a skank ho of a wife and mother like she's some kind of saint just because she's sick is also pretty toxic and twisted.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:24 AM   #56 (permalink)
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I don't disagree that there are many moments in the movie where an angry expression of what had transpired would have been hard to NOT do.

However, again, the alternative to his restraint is escalation with all the attendant potential for violence.
Not at all, as I've already stated. Like I said, if he were me, I'd have not handled my composure and words around my children any differently, but would make it known to the inlaws that I will not be responsible for her arrangements and why.

And as far as the OM, not sure I'd have even bothered to look for him, but if I did, I'd simply give his wife the information she deserves, and leave. No violence.

But then again, I'd be a "lesser man" if I handled it that way, eh?



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As for the jerk FIL, he had no boundaries and would have, in my estimation, caused drama moments that would include his grand daughters in negativity.
Not the BS's problem or responsibility. A man in the BS's position only is responsible for how he wants to handle things from that point on. Its wasn't his responsibility to keep laying down out of fear what the FIL would have done.


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If you think I am for rug sweeping coddling of cheaters, you really do not follow my postings.

I am all for protecting small children from the ugliness of life--as this character seems to be trying to do.
And again, I wouldn't have handled my kids any differently than his character did. But that doesn't mean I have to lay down and take it up the arse either. With the exception of lashing out just a little at the friends that kept him in the dark, they made him out to be a wimp, as others have said.

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You can quote my comments all you want. I don't take them back. read them in context of my entire post, don't pull out words and twist to suit your idea of what i said.
I didn't twist a thing. You said a "lesser man" would have handled things differently than Clooney's character did. Therefore, if I had decided to do the exact same thing as he did, with the exception of calmly explaining to the in-laws why they need to make arrangements for their daughter, I'd be a "lesser man".

I don't think so.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:25 AM   #57 (permalink)
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So if you know that then you'd know that just because he had kids doesn't mean he wasn't allowed to express his anger. Him getting angry doesn't automatically mean violence.
And it doesn't make him a lesser man.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:26 AM   #58 (permalink)
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Expressing anger to an OM, no 100% certainty, of course.

Potential to escalate? Huge!

And the churn getting back to the child? Very likely.
Uh, he did express anger to the OM, in his own teeth gritting way.

He simply didn't try to take a swing at him.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:45 AM   #59 (permalink)
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I wanted to ignore you DM, but it is obvious that there is only one way to handle an affair when confronted in your opinion.

The woman was dying (actually days from dead). But your view is to sh&t on her grave and memory even though she is gone. Obviously she was (as we all are) a flawed person.

Her father too was flawed, but we see the love he has for his wife (suffering herself). Why does he need to know about the affair? Probably would have approved it, but that is another discussion all together.

The point of my OP and the movie, is we really know almost nothing about the family at all. For all we know Clooney may have beat her or not have had sex with her for 8 years and emotionally vacuous (extremes yes, but we know absolutely nothing), and are just given little vignettes and insights.

We are left to make our own decision as to what MAY have happened and that is what I took from the film.

Also listen to the scene where he screams and vents at her comatose body when he finds out about the affair.

I get it, no affair is acceptable. That was not the point why I posted at all.

Your hate is palpable.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:25 PM   #60 (permalink)
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I wanted to ignore you DM, but it is obvious that there is only one way to handle an affair when confronted in your opinion.
No, there are several ways to handle it. But none of them include violence or acting like wimp.


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The woman was dying (actually days from dead). But your view is to sh&t on her grave and memory even though she is gone.
Not at all, I simply said that he shouldn't be responsible for the arrangements of someone that sh&t on him.

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Obviously she was (as we all are) a flawed person.
But not all of us cheat.

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Her father too was flawed, but we see the love he has for his wife (suffering herself).
Sure, that is his daughter. Far cry from a husband. And the wife didn't f**k over her father, she f**ked over her husband.

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Why does he need to know about the affair?
He had no idea. It was his daughter that told him.

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Probably would have approved it, but that is another discussion all together.
LMFAO. Ok, now I can ignore what you write out of the sheer ridiculousness of what you just said.

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The point of my OP and the movie, is we really know almost nothing about the family at all. For all we know Clooney may have beat her or not have had sex with her for 8 years and emotionally vacuous (extremes yes, but we know absolutely nothing), and are just given little vignettes and insights.
Still no excuse for cheating. And in any case, you are just assuming. If that were the case in the movie, it would have came out, and the daughter would have had a talk with him about it. Obviously with his flat affect, he was not an abuser.

But you go ahead and make assumptions to make your justifications for cheating.


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We are left to make our own decision as to what MAY have happened and that is what I took from the film.
What happened is she cheated on her husband. Pure and simple.


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Also listen to the scene where he screams and vents at her comatose body when he finds out about the affair.
I did. I loved that part About the only part in the movie that didn't have me wanting to get up and leave.

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I get it, no affair is acceptable.
Uh huh, thats why you just tried to justify her affair with assumptions of neglect and physical violence

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That was not the point why I posted at all.
Based on who you are, and reading your defense of alot of cheaters on this board, I'm not the only one that knows why you really posted this here.

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Your hate is palpable.
Oh no, how will I ever sleep at night knowing someone of your character decided to take that swipe at me
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