I don't disagree that there are many moments in the movie where an angry expression of what had transpired would have been hard to NOT do.
However, again, the alternative to his restraint is escalation with all the attendant potential for violence.
Not at all, as I've already stated. Like I said, if he were me, I'd have not handled my composure and words around my children any differently, but would make it known to the inlaws that I will not be responsible for her arrangements and why.
And as far as the OM, not sure I'd have even bothered to look for him, but if I did, I'd simply give his wife the information she deserves, and leave. No violence.
But then again, I'd be a "lesser man" if I handled it that way, eh?
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As for the jerk FIL, he had no boundaries and would have, in my estimation, caused drama moments that would include his grand daughters in negativity.
Not the BS's problem or responsibility. A man in the BS's position only is responsible for how he wants to handle things from that point on. Its wasn't his responsibility to keep laying down out of fear what the FIL would have done.
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If you think I am for rug sweeping coddling of cheaters, you really do not follow my postings.
I am all for protecting small children from the ugliness of life--as this character seems to be trying to do.
And again, I wouldn't have handled my kids any differently than his character did. But that doesn't mean I have to lay down and take it up the arse either. With the exception of lashing out just a little at the friends that kept him in the dark, they made him out to be a wimp, as others have said.
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You can quote my comments all you want. I don't take them back. read them in context of my entire post, don't pull out words and twist to suit your idea of what i said.
I didn't twist a thing. You said a "lesser man" would have handled things differently than Clooney's character did. Therefore, if I had decided to do the exact same thing as he did, with the exception of calmly explaining to the in-laws why they need to make arrangements for their daughter, I'd be a "lesser man".
So if you know that then you'd know that just because he had kids doesn't mean he wasn't allowed to express his anger. Him getting angry doesn't automatically mean violence.
I wanted to ignore you DM, but it is obvious that there is only one way to handle an affair when confronted in your opinion.
The woman was dying (actually days from dead). But your view is to sh&t on her grave and memory even though she is gone. Obviously she was (as we all are) a flawed person.
Her father too was flawed, but we see the love he has for his wife (suffering herself). Why does he need to know about the affair? Probably would have approved it, but that is another discussion all together.
The point of my OP and the movie, is we really know almost nothing about the family at all. For all we know Clooney may have beat her or not have had sex with her for 8 years and emotionally vacuous (extremes yes, but we know absolutely nothing), and are just given little vignettes and insights.
We are left to make our own decision as to what MAY have happened and that is what I took from the film.
Also listen to the scene where he screams and vents at her comatose body when he finds out about the affair.
I get it, no affair is acceptable. That was not the point why I posted at all.
I wanted to ignore you DM, but it is obvious that there is only one way to handle an affair when confronted in your opinion.
No, there are several ways to handle it. But none of them include violence or acting like wimp.
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The woman was dying (actually days from dead). But your view is to sh&t on her grave and memory even though she is gone.
Not at all, I simply said that he shouldn't be responsible for the arrangements of someone that sh&t on him.
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Obviously she was (as we all are) a flawed person.
But not all of us cheat.
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Her father too was flawed, but we see the love he has for his wife (suffering herself).
Sure, that is his daughter. Far cry from a husband. And the wife didn't f**k over her father, she f**ked over her husband.
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Why does he need to know about the affair?
He had no idea. It was his daughter that told him.
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Probably would have approved it, but that is another discussion all together.
LMFAO. Ok, now I can ignore what you write out of the sheer ridiculousness of what you just said.
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The point of my OP and the movie, is we really know almost nothing about the family at all. For all we know Clooney may have beat her or not have had sex with her for 8 years and emotionally vacuous (extremes yes, but we know absolutely nothing), and are just given little vignettes and insights.
Still no excuse for cheating. And in any case, you are just assuming. If that were the case in the movie, it would have came out, and the daughter would have had a talk with him about it. Obviously with his flat affect, he was not an abuser.
But you go ahead and make assumptions to make your justifications for cheating.
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We are left to make our own decision as to what MAY have happened and that is what I took from the film.
What happened is she cheated on her husband. Pure and simple.
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Also listen to the scene where he screams and vents at her comatose body when he finds out about the affair.
I did. I loved that part About the only part in the movie that didn't have me wanting to get up and leave.
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I get it, no affair is acceptable.
Uh huh, thats why you just tried to justify her affair with assumptions of neglect and physical violence
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That was not the point why I posted at all.
Based on who you are, and reading your defense of alot of cheaters on this board, I'm not the only one that knows why you really posted this here.
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Your hate is palpable.
Oh no, how will I ever sleep at night knowing someone of your character decided to take that swipe at me
Oh, Havesomethingtosay, here is what you told someone whose wife had no sex drive
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You should dump her or have an affair
I now know you are a despicable person to even suggest such. Someone with no sex drive isn't an evil person, it could very well be a medical problem, whatever.
And the kicker here is, this was after she had to go through chemo and just beat breast cancer. How utterly despicable of you! She had cancer for god's sake.
If he wasn't getting sex, then parting ways may have been an option, but to suggest to have an affair and hurt her? Get real. His wife needed HELP, not a husband that is going to listen to some jackass on an internet forum telling him he needs to cheat on her. I'm glad there are people out there that know how to stand by their significant others.
So now I know, along with your refusal to acknowledge your background, that you are a cheater, OM/OW, or both.
So of course you like a movie where a betrayed spouse folded like a cheap suit.
So now we know the type of person Havesomethingtosay is. Someone that advises a husband to cheat on his ailing wife, a wife that had to deal with having cancer. Nice, real nice.
Maybe thats what happened, Clooney's character had cancer, and as a result had no sex drive and deserved to be cheated on.
And I have hate? Sorry, you are a despicable person.
Havingsomething to say, I originally posted on this movie a few weeks ago. I don't think you should apologize for this thread. Obviously, it brought out a lot of different reactions from all of us. I agree that it was a thoughtful story, and in many ways, I identified w/ Geo Clooney's character. But it was quite a trigger, and it kicked my a$$ for a few days. It's good to have this place to vent.
Havingsomething to say, I originally posted on this movie a few weeks ago. I don't think you should apologize for this thread. Obviously, it brought out a lot of different reactions from all of us. I agree that it was a thoughtful story, and in many ways, I identified w/ Geo Clooney's character. But it was quite a trigger, and it kicked my a$$ for a few days. It's good to have this place to vent.
And nobody is asking HSTS to apologize for the thread.
But when its taken into the realm of "this is how a BS should act", or from someone else that any other reaction would have made him a "lesser man"(therefore calling anyone here at this site who handled it differently), is a slap in the face to the BS here, or anywhere.
The only people he had an obligation to put things aside, were his kids. As far as everyone else, he had no obligation, but to himself in his temperament if he did decide to make it known that he washed his hands of her.
Although it pisses me off, my pain ended a long time ago over my x-wife's cheating, because she is no longer significant to me. But BS here have a hard enough time without certain people trying to make them think if they decided to expose, walk away, or tell the OM's wife what happened, that they are lesser people because of it.
Dex, you are absolutely right. We all have that obligation to our kids. Makes the decisions really gut wrenching. And as long as we do not physically harm another, no one should judge us for our decisions under these circumstances. I hear you.
Dex, you are absolutely right. We all have that obligation to our kids. Makes the decisions really gut wrenching. And as long as we do not physically harm another, no one should judge us for our decisions under these circumstances. I hear you.
Since the day I divorced my x-wife, I never told the kids why. If they ask me some day why, when they get older, I won't lie to them. I'll tell them my reasons. But I won't use derogatory language about her, other than the truth(that she cheated throughout the marriage), and then I'll drop it. No anger, no hatred. Just the straight up truth in a calm fashion.
If they never ask, I'll never say a word.
But trust me, I did tell it like it was to her own father. Her father agreed and thinks she has a hole in her head. Only reason I told her father is because he came to see me a couple of times and wanted to know what went on.
I watched this movie with my husband who also had an affair a couple of years ago, I didn't realize this was the plot I thought it was a wayward dad who had to learn to take care of his kids.
I was surprised as I am at times now a days everything and every show seems to have an affair in the jist of the show........
It saddens me that this is our society now and that that kind of betrayal is so common.........
My husband cried through the whole movie........I think he could see himself in the destruction the marriage was in when it should have been a supportive time for a love one....
I didn't cry as a BS I thought it was good for my husband to see it from another family's view point and how pointless and unneccessary the pain caused by the affair was........
I also thought it was good for him to see that it has affected the whole family and that the children also have their own view points of what is right and moral, I think a lot of affair people don't actually think it affects their children........
It all saddens me that something so selfish ruins lives and changes people for the rest of their lives. I know I am forever changed and my boys are too...........And worst of all is the changes it has brought to my husband's life........
He disrespected himself the most and everything about him and the way everyone views him has been affected......
It is just a waste and pointless .........
I think the movie is a huge trigger for anyone that has experienced this kind of pain but I also think it can be educational as well for a wayward spouse.........
sometimes looking in on things has a better meaning then trying to see it in your own life..........
I think the fact that the wife's OM didn't really have any feelings for her is very sad that families are ruined for no reason......pointless deception and betrayal..........
I think triggers are hard to live through but it does bring the cruelty of infidelity to the for front and that is a good thing if it is a learning experience.....
From Imperial.
I have said numerous times I hate my husband. I have not had a job in years. I have children and teenagers are my closes friends. I know that I am obsessed with him. I have gone to amazing lengths to get his attention. I have tried to make him believe his wife is cheating with anonymous calls. Everything I do I can not get him to break away from her. I even set up a 2nd Facebook hoping to get his attention, he did not respond to my friend request and it broke my heart all over again.
I have sent him my nude pictures, of my nipple rings of me in purple lingerie. Nothing has worked. I told him that it was his wife, so he would think she was crazy.
I have sent him love notes, when he went to the therapist for marriage counseling I cre papered his truck and put a love note under the windshield. We had the best sex. She doesnt deserve him
Regina Cahan-Cole
I watched the movie and I am a BS, I thought that the husband showed a lot of restraint in a very difficult situation......he did chose to protect his children from their father acting like a lunatic even though he had every right......
I think he had to realize his mistakes in the marriage as well as deal with a woman that had betrayed him while she was in need.....He had to control the anger and force himself to feel the compassion to stick by his vows to take care of his wife.....in good times and bad........
I think the curiousity of the OM/OW is something we all feel and finding the answers to what the relationship meant to our spouses and what our lives were because of the marriage and the affair....
confronting the OM took courage and It showed that he would stand up for his marriage and his kids lives.........It was sad that the relationship meant nothing to the OM except some fun and sex......
Sad a marriage vow is destroyed for useless reason.
I think the strength of the daughter was amazing and the choice to confront her mother and stand up for her father and family was commendable. She obviously had learned the jist of what is right and acceptable in the world around her.......
I think that even though the husband was hurting by the betrayal and the lies he somehow was trying to do what was best for his wife and what was importnat to her, that is love through a difficult situation and a love for his children.......
I think the husband of the best friend showed that doing the right thing is always the right choice as well......knowing he had a right to know what happened to his marriage and life...
I think you see a lot of the anger associated with this kid of betrayal from many sides, the husband the kids, the OM's wife.
you see how it changes lives and destroys one's safety.......
My husband cried through the whole movie he is a wayward and I think the destruction he saw in the movie and the kid angle was an eye opener for him, he sees some of the same destruction in our lives as well
I am a little disappointed that affairs are so prominent in movies and tv shows. Maybe they always were there maybe I just didn't notice but I never thought that could be the life I could ever be living.............
Wasn't Harrison Ford in the one were he kills the OM and him and his wife stay together and she helps him out when the cops question him.
Nope - Richard Benjamin in "Unfaithful"
I actually like how The Descendants uncovered the reason for the daughter's self destructive behavior stemmed from her seeing her mother with the OM and her conflict about telling/not telling her father. It shows that the damage of an affair is not limited to the spouses involved. Liked the movie but - yeah - could be a big time trigger.
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Re: The Descendants - Take on Infidelity 
About the only part in the movie that didn't have me wanting to get up and leave.
