Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress - Page 3
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree20Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-24-2012, 09:38 AM   #31 (permalink)
RDL
Member
 
RDL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brussels Belgium
Posts: 186
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress


Hello,

Inside relationships mounting evidence suggests that there are several options which are viable. Each of them presents a different set of challenges.

- monogamy
- open relationship
- swinging with it's different forms

The male sexual instinct is geared towards inseminating as many women as possible. In the case of a monogamous relationship both men and women suppress those desires. As both partners naturally have curiosities about others.

Whichever path you may choose for yourselves please keep in mind that it is far better than cheating. It involves honesty and it has it's challenges to be approached in a balanced fashion.

I suggest you get informed and initiate an open honest and cooperative communication.

__________________
Dedicated to the creation and growth of exceptional romantic erotic relationships.

Regards, Alex.
RDL is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-24-2012, 12:59 PM   #32 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,300
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

I completely disagree with those that say humans aren't hard-wired to pair bond. If monogamy wasn't a positive survival characteristic, it would never have been invented or become the main type of human relationship that it is. Humans aren't apes or herd animals. We separated from the actions of our primate relatives many 100,000' s of years ago. Human pair-bonding predates religion, so it stands to reason that there are very good reasons for it. Infant care, genetic diversity, to name a couple. The proof of the efficiency of human pair-bonding is that we are the most diverse and most numerous single species of mammal on earth.
Badblood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 01:10 PM   #33 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 167
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by Badblood View Post
I completely disagree with those that say humans aren't hard-wired to pair bond. If monogamy wasn't a positive survival characteristic, it would never have been invented or become the main type of human relationship that it is. Humans aren't apes or herd animals. We separated from the actions of our primate relatives many 100,000' s of years ago. Human pair-bonding predates religion, so it stands to reason that there are very good reasons for it. Infant care, genetic diversity, to name a couple. The proof of the efficiency of human pair-bonding is that we are the most diverse and most numerous single species of mammal on earth.
Statistics suggest otherwise, unfortunately. Nothing to confirm, but it's thought that the infidelity rate is more realistically around 80%, where [at least] one of two in a marriage will step out.

I think it's only our intelligence that keeps us from stepping out. Do you wander why a pretty woman or cute guy that walks by brings on a euphoric feeling? That is one's crotch alerting the brain that it should be go time.
lovestruckout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 02:59 PM   #34 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 167
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

I feel like there are two concepts being explored here. I don't disagree that pair-bonding is almost exclusively practiced, but then again isn't an affair also pair-bonding? Any time two people pair off, even if one of them has a spouse at home.

All I was suggesting was that it is natural to be turned on by someone other than your spouse because that is how we are hardwired. If married guy was minding his own business and a victoria's secret model came on to him, I think it would be considered peculiar if said man was NOT turned on.
lovestruckout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:15 PM   #35 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 166
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

I think I understand where the OP is coming from. The CWI portion of these forums may not be the best place to ask a question about extra-marital activities though. I think what makes a marriage is what both partners (that's not gender exclusive) are willing to compromise on. I think if one or the other is perfectly Ok with having the higher-drive partner have an occasional fling, then who are we to judge? Frankly, the cheating thing is almost always done behind the back of the loyal partner, so most of that equation is not just physical (EA's anyone?).

If it turns you both on, you are both OK with it and have a strong understanding that it's all physical between consenting adults, and it's your private business an it harm none then that could be something that works for you.
mr.miketastic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:30 PM   #36 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,250
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
The big majority of people do not cheat though it may seem like it and real numbers are hard to come by.
I`d disagree with that statement chapparal.
The latest surveys of both men and women put cheating at about 60-70% of the population.

My personal experience puts it at about 80-90%

Faithfulness is the exception not the rule.
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 05:05 PM   #37 (permalink)
Member
 
Chaparral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 9,024
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I`d disagree with that statement chapparal.
The latest surveys of both men and women put cheating at about 60-70% of the population.

My personal experience puts it at about 80-90%

Faithfulness is the exception not the rule.
The last study I saw said about 30% men and 15% women. I have never heard suchhigh numbers as 80%, where did you find that. The worse number I ever saw was that about 70% would cheat if they knew they would not get caught.

I think all the studies are wrong to a certain extent. It seems like if the number of men is so much more than women, the women who do cheat are handling a lot more men cheaters. I believe there are equal numbers of men and women cheaters.
Chaparral is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2012, 01:09 AM   #38 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,300
Default Re: Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruckout View Post
Statistics suggest otherwise, unfortunately. Nothing to confirm, but it's thought that the infidelity rate is more realistically around 80%, where [at least] one of two in a marriage will step out.

I think it's only our intelligence that keeps us from stepping out. Do you wander why a pretty woman or cute guy that walks by brings on a euphoric feeling? That is one's crotch alerting the brain that it should be go time.
Statistics can be made to say anything you want them to say. The proof is that pair-bonding is far and away the most common human relationship by many millions (even billions) of times. Poly relationships are a far, far, distant second.
Badblood is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Allowing things to happen vs. taking chances? GA HEART General Relationship Discussion 16 12-03-2012 08:37 AM
Considering allowing my husband to have sex outside the marriage Maya627 Sex in Marriage 196 11-25-2012 11:47 AM
Allowing my female roommate's BF to come over JetFalcon General Relationship Discussion 8 11-02-2011 02:56 PM
He has a big effect on me.. topcoursereviews01 The Ladies' Lounge 2 06-11-2009 07:57 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:50 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage