Coolidge Effect/Allowing a Mistress

FreedomCorp · 02-24-2012, 09:38 AM

Hello,

Inside relationships mounting evidence suggests that there are several options which are viable. Each of them presents a different set of challenges.

- monogamy
- open relationship
- swinging with it's different forms

The male sexual instinct is geared towards inseminating as many women as possible. In the case of a monogamous relationship both men and women suppress those desires. As both partners naturally have curiosities about others.

Whichever path you may choose for yourselves please keep in mind that it is far better than cheating. It involves honesty and it has it's challenges to be approached in a balanced fashion.

I suggest you get informed and initiate an open honest and cooperative communication.

Badblood · 02-24-2012, 12:59 PM

I completely disagree with those that say humans aren't hard-wired to pair bond. If monogamy wasn't a positive survival characteristic, it would never have been invented or become the main type of human relationship that it is. Humans aren't apes or herd animals. We separated from the actions of our primate relatives many 100,000' s of years ago. Human pair-bonding predates religion, so it stands to reason that there are very good reasons for it. Infant care, genetic diversity, to name a couple. The proof of the efficiency of human pair-bonding is that we are the most diverse and most numerous single species of mammal on earth.

lovestruckout · 02-24-2012, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Badblood

I completely disagree with those that say humans aren't hard-wired to pair bond. If monogamy wasn't a positive survival characteristic, it would never have been invented or become the main type of human relationship that it is. Humans aren't apes or herd animals. We separated from the actions of our primate relatives many 100,000' s of years ago. Human pair-bonding predates religion, so it stands to reason that there are very good reasons for it. Infant care, genetic diversity, to name a couple. The proof of the efficiency of human pair-bonding is that we are the most diverse and most numerous single species of mammal on earth.

Statistics suggest otherwise, unfortunately. Nothing to confirm, but it's thought that the infidelity rate is more realistically around 80%, where [at least] one of two in a marriage will step out.

I think it's only our intelligence that keeps us from stepping out. Do you wander why a pretty woman or cute guy that walks by brings on a euphoric feeling? That is one's crotch alerting the brain that it should be go time.

lovestruckout · 02-24-2012, 02:59 PM

I feel like there are two concepts being explored here. I don't disagree that pair-bonding is almost exclusively practiced, but then again isn't an affair also pair-bonding? Any time two people pair off, even if one of them has a spouse at home.

All I was suggesting was that it is natural to be turned on by someone other than your spouse because that is how we are hardwired. If married guy was minding his own business and a victoria's secret model came on to him, I think it would be considered peculiar if said man was NOT turned on.

mr.miketastic · 02-24-2012, 04:15 PM

I think I understand where the OP is coming from. The CWI portion of these forums may not be the best place to ask a question about extra-marital activities though. I think what makes a marriage is what both partners (that's not gender exclusive) are willing to compromise on. I think if one or the other is perfectly Ok with having the higher-drive partner have an occasional fling, then who are we to judge? Frankly, the cheating thing is almost always done behind the back of the loyal partner, so most of that equation is not just physical (EA's anyone?).

If it turns you both on, you are both OK with it and have a strong understanding that it's all physical between consenting adults, and it's your private business an it harm none then that could be something that works for you.

tacoma · 02-24-2012, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

The big majority of people do not cheat though it may seem like it and real numbers are hard to come by.

I`d disagree with that statement chapparal.
The latest surveys of both men and women put cheating at about 60-70% of the population.

My personal experience puts it at about 80-90%

Faithfulness is the exception not the rule.

chapparal · 02-24-2012, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tacoma

I`d disagree with that statement chapparal.
The latest surveys of both men and women put cheating at about 60-70% of the population.

My personal experience puts it at about 80-90%

Faithfulness is the exception not the rule.

The last study I saw said about 30% men and 15% women. I have never heard suchhigh numbers as 80%, where did you find that. The worse number I ever saw was that about 70% would cheat if they knew they would not get caught.

I think all the studies are wrong to a certain extent. It seems like if the number of men is so much more than women, the women who do cheat are handling a lot more men cheaters. I believe there are equal numbers of men and women cheaters.

Badblood · 02-25-2012, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovestruckout

Statistics suggest otherwise, unfortunately. Nothing to confirm, but it's thought that the infidelity rate is more realistically around 80%, where [at least] one of two in a marriage will step out.

I think it's only our intelligence that keeps us from stepping out. Do you wander why a pretty woman or cute guy that walks by brings on a euphoric feeling? That is one's crotch alerting the brain that it should be go time.

Statistics can be made to say anything you want them to say. The proof is that pair-bonding is far and away the most common human relationship by many millions (even billions) of times. Poly relationships are a far, far, distant second.