Re: can anyone please help me
The emotional connection you feel with the OM is not real. I might seem real to you but it isn't because it's based on the OM showing himself in the best light to you. He wants to impress you and you want to impress him. Remember how you felt about your husband when you first met. He was flawless, wasn't he? Then you learned that he leaves the seat up, farts, scratches himself in unmentionable places, and "All Night Long" is really just a Lionel Richie song. The OM isn't any different, he farts too! Reality will set it and it's gonna hit you like a freight train.
Ending the affair is going to take hard work on your side. Tell your husband about it, tell him everything and at once. The entire truth. How, why, when, what, where. Give him passwords to your phone, email account, FB account, bank account, free access to your computer, access to anything and everything that would enable you to remain in contact with the OM. This isn't going to be easy - it's the price you have to pay. You are not getting around it. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can start working on your marriage. Again, you will not get around paying the price for your affair.
This will accomplish several things:
1. Seeing and experiencing your husband's pain will help jerk you out of your "emotinal connection" with the OM. It won't be pretty but take a good, hard look at it. Use the mental image of your husband's pain every time you feel drawn towards the OM or think of the OM in other than negative ways.
2. Once your husband knows and has been given access to monitor email, FB, phone records etc. it will make it significantly harder, if not impossible for you to stay in contact with the OM. This only works if you give him access to "everything" and if you don't create new ways to stay in contact with the OM. You have to give up all privacy and you need to understand that you don't need privacy from your husband either. There is no room in a marriage for secrets, right?
3. Write a letter to the OM, ending the affair. Do not consider the OM's feelings, don't apologize for ending the affair. Don't show emotions, be precise and clear. No more contact, no more calls, no meetings, no emails, NOTHING! This will create needed distance between you and the OM and it will show your husband that you are indeed ending the affair.
4. Write a letter to the OM's wife. Apologize to her (it will mean nothing to her but it re-affirms "OVER" to the OM as well as yourself). Make it clear that you are ending the affair and have told the OM that there will be no further contact. The OMs wife deserves to know. Again, this will show your husband that you are indeed ending the affair.
You might experience pain and hurt over losing the OM, you might grieve. That's normal but you have to get over it. Every day without contacting the OM, is a step closer to ridding yourself of temptation. If you have to, occupy your mind and time with a new hobby. You are in control of your thoughts! You said you know the affair was wrong, any thoughts about the OM are wrong as well - control these thoughts, don't let them control you!
Last edited by FourtyPlus; 02-20-2012 at 08:37 AM.