Plan B should be called plan A

crazyconfused · 02-19-2012, 11:38 PM

The title says it all. Someone cheats on you, start hold them accountable for their actions. Don't coddle them, don't try to win them back. Show them that you can push on and be happy without them..

This does one of two things.. It pushes them away... Well if that happens, you can see that they will not fight for you, or won't quit their affair. That should pretty much tell you where you stand.

OR
They wise up and quit their BS and work on the marriage..

Either one, it's actually a pretty easy decision. The hard part is having the intestinal fortitude to make the hard call.
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Beowulf · 02-19-2012, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyconfused

The title says it all. Someone cheats on you, start hold them accountable for their actions. Don't coddle them, don't try to win them back. Show them that you can push on and be happy without them..

This does one of two things.. It pushes them away... Well if that happens, you can see that they will not fight for you, or won't quit their affair. That should pretty much tell you where you stand.

OR
They wise up and quit their BS and work on the marriage..

Either one, it's actually a pretty easy decision. The hard part is having the intestinal fortitude to make the hard call.
Posted via Mobile Device

Exactly right. The hard part is actually doing it. But realistically it's the only thing you really can do.

lordmayhem · 02-19-2012, 11:55 PM

I think the Plan A they talk about is for when there is no affair going on, for when couples need to reconnect. It's useless if there is cheating going on. There is simply no way a BS can compete with WS's foggy view of the OM/OW.

Complexity · 02-19-2012, 11:56 PM

As beowulf said, it's easier said than done. I for one am not of the ilk that can work on a marriage after an affair, especially a physical affair. The "marriage" isn't worth the years of emotional pain for either spouse. I also don't believe in taking someone out of the "fog". They went into the affair consciously and so they can consciously take themselves out of it. When an affair occurs or is occurring, Plan B is the only plan.

Beowulf · 02-20-2012, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complexity

As beowulf said, it's easier said than done. I for one am not of the ilk that can work on a marriage after an affair, especially a physical affair. The "marriage" isn't worth the years of emotional pain for either spouse. I also don't believe in taking someone out of the "fog". They went into the affair consciously and so they can consciously take themselves out of it. When an affair occurs or is occurring, Plan B is the only plan.

And that is the only reason my wife and I are still married. She got herself into the affair and got herself out of it. It was in truth the only way I could get through R. I was of the mindset that cheating was a deal breaker. I would NOT have fought to save my marriage because at that point I would probably not have considered that we were really still married.

crazyconfused · 02-20-2012, 01:49 PM

Beowulf,
Your a good man for Ring with her. And I agree completely with you. I don't think I could do it if I had to bust the A and do all the work to make her see the error of her ways. but it sounds like your wife made the hard decsions and did the right thing to fix the wrong thing.

AFEH · 02-21-2012, 03:53 AM

It’s all to do with Religion. Plan A is all about “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate”.

Within that context it doesn’t really matter about the two “people” in the marriage. (In fact it’s been said that their feelings/emotions should be totally ignored because they have no value). They’re basically pawns or puppets who in the very much greater scheme of things should stay together because “man” should not be allowed to separate them after God has joined them.

In fact they shouldn’t even be allowed to separate themselves.