02-22-2012, 11:15 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
| | Re: Wife's Emotional Affair, like a big brother
Originally Posted by astooge
I told her last night that I am pissed that the only person who is hurting is me. She is easily moving on and I'm not, doesn't seem right.
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Sounds like she's still engaged with OM then and very much checking-out of your own relationship. If she's "moving on", that means she doesn't care how much you're hurting and she's also not scared about the idea of losing you... probably because you're not giving her any reason to believe that you would actually live your life without her. So she's comfortable with that security and takes advantage of you. She still has the power in this situation because "you're hurting" and she's not. She gets to stay flirtatious and disrespect you while you get hurt but continue to stick around...
You need to take back the control here. You might even need to start preparing yourself mentally for the idea that you will divorce her and live the rest of your life without her (and eventually move on yourself, because it is your own agenda). Then, when you are feeling strong and sure enough about this as a very real possibility, lay down your boundaries and discuss transparencies to her once and for all.
If she is not willing to meet those boundaries/needs for you then you will have to make your final stand and state that you "will be talking to a divorce lawyer" the next day. If she believes this to be a real threat from you, then she will be forced into an immediate reckoning and decide if she wants to let you go or not. If she wants you, she is going to panic and fight to keep you and do anything you need to feel safe in her trust again. But if she's willing to let you go, then you already know where you stand with her and so you have nothing left in the relationship to stick around for anyway.