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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-22-2012, 12:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

I was and have been a suspicious and tad bit jealous. I am not sure why but it translated into me thinking I was just having issues and reading to much into what H was up to and then I started trying to tell him how uncomfortable I am with his coworker and then it all came to a head. He had an EA and now I am worse then ever. Sometimes wish I had been complelty blindsided. Would feel a little less like an idiot because I watched it unfold like a sports event and yet it was still a shock when the text message woke me up and there is a picture of her parts and ugh..........
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:27 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

I was not really jealous, I did have issues when he talked to his ex wife a little too much ( he said was about kids, which were her step kids), because he had said they married being more good friends than actual love relationship (even though they were married 10 years), so I worried they were being better friends now that they were being divorced.

It took him a few months ago, to make the comment "once a cheater always a cheater", ( he was talking to my daughter, and said it jokingly),, but it gave me that "gut feeling" so I searched our cell phone records and BAM!,, there were all the calls to 2 other women that he said were "just friends"....so now I have no trust with him at all.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:36 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

I certainly was jealous/suspicious....in the beginning, only because I had trust issues left over from my previous marriage where my first wife cheated on me. But I got over that in the fist year or two and became the very trusting husband. In fact, I was quite proud of her and thought she would never do me like my ex-wife did. I had either forgotten, or repressed the memories of any red flags. So much so, that I missed them this time around.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:08 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

Was never jealous, but was very protective. Now, I could give 2 ****s.
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:13 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

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Just curious, how many of you were jealous/suspicious people before there was any EA/PA/OM/OW introduced into your relationship?

Asking because I was never a jealous person. I would say I was very confident, and wouldn't have noticed red flags (if there had been any) because I thought I was special. So years and years later when I found out, it was a huge slap in the face. But for people who were suspicious without or before 'cause', was it easier to handle?
I can relate to this 100%. I was never a jealous person nor paranoid. Never ever ever thought he would cheat. NEVER. Especially since he was always saying how wrong cheating was and constantly brought up how bad it is. He was always very jealous/paranoid/and accusatory toward me, even if I spoke to the postman. If I even thanked a server at a restaurant (male) he would accuse me of flirting.

So when I found out what he did, I was completely floored. the thing that is always so baffling to me is that I never ever ever suspected. That is why it was so crazy to me. Some people suspect, and they are right on the money, but I never had that experience. If he never would have told me, I prob wouldn't know to this day.
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:24 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I can relate to this 100%. I was never a jealous person nor paranoid. Never ever ever thought he would cheat. NEVER. Especially since he was always saying how wrong cheating was and constantly brought up how bad it is. He was always very jealous/paranoid/and accusatory toward me, even if I spoke to the postman. If I even thanked a server at a restaurant (male) he would accuse me of flirting.

So when I found out what he did, I was completely floored. the thing that is always so baffling to me is that I never ever ever suspected. That is why it was so crazy to me. Some people suspect, and they are right on the money, but I never had that experience. If he never would have told me, I prob wouldn't know to this day.

That was the thing that caught me as well. I never expected it. Sometimes you just know the kind of person you have on your hands, so you could have that "I saw it coming" moment. Not with this one, that's what happens when you put the pu$$y on a pedestal.
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:27 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

I see a common theme shared by a lot of us here, the unfaithful spouse the very jealous spouse.

Same here, ex-wife was very jealous woman. Perhaps we should add jealousy as a red flag for detecting a possible cheater in any future relationship.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:03 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

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I see a common theme shared by a lot of us here, the unfaithful spouse the very jealous spouse.

Same here, ex-wife was very jealous woman. Perhaps we should add jealousy as a red flag for detecting a possible cheater in any future relationship.
Not necessarily, my H is not jealous at all, EVER. He is everything that is opposite of jealous..I was the one with jealousy issues....I think it's different in every situation....
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:06 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Not necessarily, my H is not jealous at all, EVER. He is everything that is opposite of jealous..I was the one with jealousy issues....I think it's different in every situation....
Very true but keep in mind that a jealous person is an insecure person and cheaters are, for the most part, insecure people who often cheat for outside validation of their fragile egos.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:09 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

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Very true but keep in mind that a jealous person is an insecure person and cheaters are, for the most part, insecure people who often cheat for outside validation of their fragile egos.
True, there's no doubt that jealous people may tend to cheat more often, I agree, but if jealousy sent up red flags there would have been red flags all over the place with me and I never cheated. I'm not an insecure person, I mean sure I have insecurities like everyone, but I also think I'm a very good looking person Mine stemmed more from not really knowing my H when we became parents together...Even though he had an EA, things are much better in the jealousy department with me now...

**Edit to add: I suppose a lot of it had to do with growing up and maturing too, we were practically kids when we moved in together after I had our daughter, there were a lot of obstacles to overcome there
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:15 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

In a past life, I was a cheater. I am no longer that person, but as a result of having once been, I must confess to being more suspicious than I probably would be without the cheater's background. I've also been the cheatee, so have lived on both sides of the fence.

I'm always on the lookout for any red flags. I feel like I could probably recognize these quickly and easily, since I've been through it myself before, both ways!

Red flags have come up with H, they've been investigated, and dismissed, thankfully. But really? It's a shiitty way to live...

As for jealousy and insecurity, not so much. I don't find myself jealous of other women as a rule, and I feel secure with myself. Suspicions for me, are independant of jealousy and insecurity.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:23 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

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Very true but keep in mind that a jealous person is an insecure person and cheaters are, for the most part, insecure people who often cheat for outside validation of their fragile egos.

This is said very well Morituri.. My H was always the one to be accusing of me ( in his way, jokingly).........when the whole time was carrying on conversations with other women.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:25 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I've also been the cheatee
I thought the term for women is cheetas and for men cheetos.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:32 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people

I was, because my first husband also cheated. In that relationship I was less jealous than in this one.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:51 AM   #30 (permalink)
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I clearly wasn't suspicious enough!
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