Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was never jealous although my husband has always had female friends since the first day I met him. There have been red flags and fights between us in the past about other women. When he pulled his lastest stunt he told me that it should not come as a surprise to me while also saying he wasn't cheating. Looking back over the years I believe that he has probably cheated off and on during our 20 year marriage.
I don't think being jealous would be a rewarding relationship for me. I really don't want a husband that I have to investigate all the time. I'm not looking for a realtionship that constantly has me filled with doubt and having to investigate.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was not a jealous or insecure person either (and I'm still not).
I trusted everyone because I believed that people would behave themselves as they should. So that meant that I never had a problem encouraging a female friend to call my husband if she were interested in applying for a job at his employer.
But then I started to notice all these female so called friends would ONLY make themselves available when I said my husband was coming. IF they called the house and my husband answered, the phone never got passed to me.
On one occasion as I was finalizing a weekend trip to which I had invited a female friend, she "returned" the e-mail by sending it to my husband. What I found interesting about that is that while I found a few women who agreed with me that there was something wrong with that, there were still a few women who couldn't see what the problem was, mostly single women. No wonder I got branded as jealous and insecure.
These days I know my worth and I can walk. Which is why with my current guy when I suggested that he and I could downshift our relationship to "just friends" so that he continue being "just friends" with his fly by night "ex", he unhesitatingly cut the cords with his friend.
Just like the Cold War coming to an end, Co-Existence really doesn't work.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was never jealous or suspicious. We were best friends. I knew women found him attractive but it didn't phase me at all. He is such a laid back, easygoing, funny and friendly guy, and definitely not the suspicious type. I knew OW found him attractive, too, and it didn't phase me. I knew they were friends on FB and that they sent messages, but he had always been open about them, and I thought they were all mundane, business messages. We were having problems that didn't get worked on in the months up to Dday, and as my admiration of him went down, he sought out OW's admiration, which she willingly gave.
Suspicious now much? Well, I can now claim that I've staked out my own husband.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I know what you mean. I was never the jealousy type of woman. In fact I never understood why some of my gir friends were so controlling of every move their bfs made. I was never like that. I was always very trusting of my SO and never had any problems with us speding time apart. I tought it was only normal that at times men want to hang around guys only and the same for women. It never crossed my mind that he was actually with other girls. And you are right, when I found out, it was a huge slap in the face.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I wasn't jealous really, but I was too non-confrontational and I let things go on when my gut knew something was wrong. And yes, my (DS) WW is a jealous person.
Now though? She's realizes I'm a different person. The things I used to let go would (will) now result in some guy getting knocked out.
And with respect to trust, I'm accepting that I will never fully trust her again. I mean how could you after so many years and so many lies? Not possible. I believe she can evolve though into a healthier person.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
Quote:
Originally Posted by NatashaYurino
I know what you mean. I was never the jealousy type of woman. In fact I never understood why some of my gir friends were so controlling of every move their bfs made. I was never like that. I was always very trusting of my SO and never had any problems with us speding time apart. I tought it was only normal that at times men want to hang around guys only and the same for women. It never crossed my mind that he was actually with other girls. And you are right, when I found out, it was a huge slap in the face.
This was MY experience, too! I always thought people who were jealous/paranoid about their partners were.. WEIRD. In fact, my exH told me several times he wished I was MORE jealous. Then when he cheated and I was finally jealous, he didn't like that.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanton68
Just curious, how many of you were jealous/suspicious people before there was any EA/PA/OM/OW introduced into your relationship?
Asking because I was never a jealous person. I would say I was very confident, and wouldn't have noticed red flags (if there had been any) because I thought I was special. So years and years later when I found out, it was a huge slap in the face. But for people who were suspicious without or before 'cause', was it easier to handle?
I am by nature a bit jealous and my husband has done things to make it worse here and there. oggling other women in front of me, comparing me to other girls and that kind of thing. But I never really thought he would actually have an EA. And I believe he is currently doing so with a coworker, though he vehimately denies it. Time will tell. So the answer is yes I was and no it didnt ease the blow.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruckout
I wasn't jealous really, but I was too non-confrontational and I let things go on when my gut knew something was wrong. And yes, my (DS) WW is a jealous person.
Now though? She's realizes I'm a different person. The things I used to let go would (will) now result in some guy getting knocked out.
And with respect to trust, I'm accepting that I will never fully trust her again. I mean how could you after so many years and so many lies? Not possible. I believe she can evolve though into a healthier person.
Besides an initial fit of anger, I am different. I can't hold it against another man to TRY to sleep with my wife. She is hot and guys try to talk, human nature. If a guy and my wife had an A, and he didn't know me, I place ALL of the blame on her (as long as he didn't try to get physical or mouthy with me). If he was my friend before, then that is where I could foresee me being out of control.
A good friend of mine returned from deployment to an empty house. Later that day a guy stopped by and hesitantly asked if my friends wife was there. At first he was PO but the guy didn't even know she was married. He apologized profusely, left, and returned with a case of beer so that they could talk. He told him everything. Now they are friends, my buddy threw her out and divorced. I don' know many men who would have had the patience and sense to handle that situation so well.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I think we need to define what jealous means.
IMO, you can be only be jealous when you want something that someone else has that was not yours to begin with. For example, to be jealous of someone else when they receive attention from someone you are interested in but there is no relationship.
When I feel that my partner is behaving inappropriately that is not being jealous. That is being concerned. And as this board and other boards evidence, when your partner gets tied up with someone outside of the relationship that can cause problems for you. Not just the end of the relationship; but also for the family that was created; one's financial security and also one's own personal security since some )Ws and OMs can be bunny boilers.
When I am in a committed exclusive relationship, no one can call me "jealous" when I am considering the implications of one's actions and behaviors that will impact on the relationship that I have not only invested in but have been encouraged to do so.
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Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people 
In fact, my exH told me several times he wished I was MORE jealous. Then when he cheated and I was finally jealous, he didn't like that.
