Just curious, how many of you were jealous/suspicious people before there was any EA/PA/OM/OW introduced into your relationship?
Asking because I was never a jealous person. I would say I was very confident, and wouldn't have noticed red flags (if there had been any) because I thought I was special. So years and years later when I found out, it was a huge slap in the face. But for people who were suspicious without or before 'cause', was it easier to handle?
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I have never been a jealous person. I have always been an open and honest person and never felt the need to check up on my wife. My wife on the other hand has always been jealous as all hell, snooping at every opportunity she could even though I never had anything to hide. Of course, it was her that had the affair(s).
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
just like you Vanton68 i was never a jealous or suspicious person i knew of at least 5 of my friends or associates that wanted to sleep with my hubby but like you i thought our marriage was so special that would never happen to us ...well how wrong could i be.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was neither, It was only when my W unhealthy behavior that snowballed into a dangerous life style, is when I needed to take the steps to confront her.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquila audax
I have never been a jealous person. I have always been an open and honest person and never felt the need to check up on my wife. My wife on the other hand has always been jealous as all hell, snooping at every opportunity she could even though I never had anything to hide. Of course, it was her that had the affair(s).
She was like that BECAUSE she was dishonest. She thought if SHE was a turd, then you were one too. Projection.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was never jealous or suspicious of my husband. I trusted him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. I thought he had so much integrity. He was always jealous and suspicious of me. He questioned me and always asked me tons of questions. It's so ironic that he cheated on me! I am still heart broken. I can't believe that he would hurt me in this way. I feel like I have a dagger in my heart. So much for trust. I hate feeling like this, but I am suspicious all the time. He had a business lunch today and I even "smelled" his clothes to see if I picked up on anything. I check his "girlfriend's" facebook 5 times a day just to see what she is doing. They had a 10 day affair with 2 sexual encounters. I hate feeling this way. Not sure how to overcome it.
I was a little jealous, but I never thought she would cheat. She had little or no boundaries with the opposite sex and it always bugged me because once I became a married man I let all my female friends drift away and stopped putting myself in tempting situations. Her views on this was always different. I should trust her. I did trust her but it always bugged me.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I am very fascinated by this topic because my sister was VERY jealous and controlling of her husband before he had an affair.
She is very much a type A personality - not that there is anything wrong with that. I'm just saying it might have exacerbated matters at little (keep reading). Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my sister very very much and hate that her worst fears came true but it's almost like she willed her imagination into reality... regardless it's no excuse for cheating.
She never cheated on him and as far as I could tell her never gave her a reason to think he would cheat on her either... At least when I asked her if she thought he was cheating she would just say, "It wouldn't surprise me". I never understood why she would say that & she never had a logical explanation. I asked her if she had ever caught him flirting, texting or emailing anyone and she said she hadn't but it didn't stop her from acting like he was.
My BIL always came straight home from work, picked up the kids, made dinner, did the dishes, bathed & put them to bed. Never went anywhere without her - they even went grocery shopping together on the weekends. I even asked her once when she thought he would have time to cheat on her or energy. She wasn't really happy with me for saying that so I learned to just listen.
Apparently he eventually found the time & energy because one day she told him that she wished he would cheat on her (to give her a good reason for a divorce) and ironically a few days later she found an email from a woman... Naturally she totally blew a gasket!
She threw him out immediately but then asked him to come back two days later and he did. Our mom was NOT happy... I'm still not sure what that was all about because I told her I was going to keep my distance unless she needed me but she hasn't brought it up since he came home.
I have been a little worried because she is acting totally normal, its like nothing ever happened... At first I thought it was just to make the kids see that everything is ok but it's not... The only difference I can see is that she is now doting on him in front our of family and especially in front of their friends and work colleagues... He seems the same, maybe a little more quiet around my mom than usual but he is also acting like nothing happened. It's like watching a live version of Pleasantville.
Sorry for going off on a tangent but I thought it was important to put all the pre & post affair behaviour together in case anyone else has had the same experience.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
Before DDay I would say I was normal as far as jealousy and suspicion goes. Now? I am freak. I am sure he is doing 90 year old across the street and I work hard every day to prove it.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I'm still thinking about this question, and in my case I never really cared about my marriage or my wife....it answers alot of questions on my end. Maybe if I was a little more jealous and gave just one second to be suspicious, thing may have been different way back when it all started.
Is there some sort of degree that having a small amount of these traits my be a sign of caring? Not that it matters, even the perfect marriage can have infidelity.
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I have always been a pretty jealous person, I have no clue why, I try to constantly work on myself to change that. I think maybe it's because I grew up with 2 parents that never went anywhere without the other, they never went out or anything, they never fought in front of me and my brother, I had no idea that they ever fought up until a few years ago and I"m 28!!! So whenever me and my H would argue or fight I looked so much more into it than I needed to.
Another factor is that I barely knew my H before we became parents, he wasn't somebody at that time that I would have necessarily saw as the settling down type, so that factor came into play as well....He also did a few things at that time to "rebel" against the relationship in a way, like hanging out with his girl friends, I had spies though so I knew nothing ever happened between them haha, but still he was ditching me sitting at home alone and pregnant to hang out with these people.....
Being that way did not change the slap in the face the EA was for me....I think I was able to handle it better because I guess I expected it (he had a habit of making female friends in the past so that's where that came from)...but it still hurt like none other....
Re: How many of you were jealous/suspicious people
I was never a very jealous person, always feeling that I couldn't control what my partner did and would just deal with it if they did something to betray me. I am naturally suspicious I suppose from my line of work so caught on early that something was going on but I never requested no guy friends.
I am even more suspicious and cynical now though I still don't know if I would say jealous in the purist sense of the word. I am jealous (or envious) of the good times W and OM were having while me and OMW were at home tending to our families and trying to make a marriage work that neither of them seemed to care about.
When we were first married I was really jealous and insecure. As the years went on I worked on my jealousy issues and insecurity to the point where they were no longer an issue. I trusted him with everything and would always brag about how although we were apart for the majority of the week, our relationship was strong because we had plenty of communication and trust.
Boy, was I wrong! I now feel like I should have kept my guard up so that the pain of infidelity wouldn't have hit so hard. I watch over everything and I feel like a babysitter. :/
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How many of you were jealous/suspicious people 
