02-09-2009, 08:03 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
| | Re: A Turning Point
Mom of 2 – you sparked a different thought for me. I have always been a fighter, and came from a family of fighters (who drilled in me marriage was for good). My wife actually came from a family of runners – very few 1st marriages anywhere in her family.
As we were working through it, she never really believed I forgave her and was willing to move along. It did take me a long time to deal with what I had too, and her as well, but we did it in a healthy way with good support.
Well one night she broke down and shared that she fears being alone, and that she isn’t good enough, and lots of other things. Basically that she wasn’t worthy. I shared with her that she is and has been my best friend. I asked her as a friend, if she knew the situation, what advice would she give me. She told me if she was giving advice to me, it would be to get a divorce and leave her. I was a little shocked.
My response to her was, I appreciate her advice, but I am not willing to take it. I will continue to work on our marriage. That was the turning point for her. She finally realized that she could count on someone (she never had this opportunity growing up).
Once we both laid down our fears, it became even easier to open up and share everything.
I guess my rambling point is for the marriage to survive, both sides have to heal appropriately from an affair and reach their own turning point, or it never goes away.