She's a serial cheater. Her remorse is really an act to keep you around while she is more careful about hiding things from you in the future. Can your marriage be fixed? I'd give it a 0.1% chance, at the most. It's possible, but unlikely that she will change. Read the link in Almost Recovered's sig. I also recommend buying the book from HERE.
I really appreciate everyone's advice, as I know that everyone on this site has probably experienced a similar situation. These have been the hardest 2 months of my life.
Sorry Clash. Most of us have undergone what you are going through. Hard. But you can and will come out of this. Stay strong. See your doctor as AlmostRecovered said.
Many in this forum will suggest (1) expose her to her affair partner, (2) test yourself for STD, (3) separate your finances etc.
Foremost is take care of yourself. Turmoil. Stay strong. We are with you.
For a different perspective - I have not gone through this and am more prone to suggest working through problems. But I agree with the commentariat. Your wife is not remorseful - remorseful people confess on their own, not after their crime is discovered and there is no way to deny. Sounds like she is immature and not ready for marriage. What if she gets pregnant? Have you gotten yourself tested for stds?
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
For a different perspective - I have not gone through this and am more prone to suggest working through problems. But I agree with the commentariat. Your wife is not remorseful - remorseful people confess on their own, not after their crime is discovered and there is no way to deny. Sounds like she is immature and not ready for marriage. What if she gets pregnant? Have you gotten yourself tested for stds?
Good luck!
Yeah, that's been the hardest thing. I had to find out every instance on my own. The sexting, and both instances of physical cheating were discovered by me, not by her admitting anything. She says it's because she didn't know how to tell me, and that she hated to see me hurt. But, I say, she put our entire marriage in jeopardy, so obviously, not hurting me wasn't priority #1.
No, I haven't gotten tested for STDs. That's something that I definitely need to do after reading all of the comments, instead of trusting that she didn't also lie about using protection.
you already know that she is a bitcch .. and she is the daughter of whoore. just divorce her. tell her that she is a bitcch and her mother is a whoore. you must not marry this kind of person. cheating wife is bitcch (worse than it)
Yeah, that's been the hardest thing. I had to find out every instance on my own. The sexting, and both instances of physical cheating were discovered by me, not by her admitting anything. She says it's because she didn't know how to tell me, and that she hated to see me hurt. But, I say, she put our entire marriage in jeopardy, so obviously, not hurting me wasn't priority #1.
No, I haven't gotten tested for STDs. That's something that I definitely need to do after reading all of the comments, instead of trusting that she didn't also lie about using protection.
Thanks.
good old trickle truth- she's only copping to what you have discovered- another very bad sign she is not remorseful nor will change
you already know that she is a bitcch .. and she is the daughter of whoore. just divorce her. tell her that she is a bitcch and her mother is a whoore. you must not marry this kind of person. cheating wife is bitcch (worse than it)
Mods,
OP did not mention anything about his spouse mother. And there are derogatory comments...
good old trickle truth- she's only copping to what you have discovered- another very bad sign she is not remorseful nor will change
Yeah, my biggest fear is that I finally come to the decision to give her another chance, then I discover another instance of cheating down the road. Then, I've just wasted my time.
I know, on paper, the smartest thing to do would be to leave, because we don't have kids, and we can both start from scratch, and be single for a while.
Usually I'm pretty pro trying to R, as long as the WS is remorseful and willing to do the heavy lifting. But this was already her second time getting caught. Maybe now that she will face real consequences for her actions (sorry, but it sounds like her inappropriate behavior with OM#1 was rug swept), she'll change but she's also incredibly young and sounds immature.
It's been 6 years and there's no children to consider, I wouldn't be sure it's worth trying to salvage the marriage. She has a lot of growing up to do and who knows if she'll be able and/or willing to do so. Marriage only gets harder once you have children. Once you start parenting together, there's so many changes in the relationship dynamic it could send her down the slippery slope again.
Only you can make the decision as to if it's worth the effort and pain. Recovery after infidelity is not easy, the 2-5 years mentioned are not exaggerated. Good luck and take your time deciding.
Yeah, my biggest fear is that I finally come to the decision to give her another chance, then I discover another instance of cheating down the road. Then, I've just wasted my time.
I know, on paper, the smartest thing to do would be to leave, because we don't have kids, and we can both start from scratch, and be single for a while.
That is correct.
She cheated on you because she knew she could get away with it and basically has. I don't worry about my W cheating anymore because she knows if she even thought about it I would divorce her and not give it a second thought. To this day she still fears me leaving her anyway and I'm like 3 years post dday.
If you roll over for her she WILL cheat again because she feels she has control over you. When you act beta, they don't fear losing you and without that fear then they are not motivated to stop. Her morals don't match yours and she doesn't appear to have any issues with adultery so you have to get out of face more of this later.
You married too young and to the wrong person, learn from this and move forward.
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Re: What to do? 
