Given the seriousness of your wife's deception I think divorce is a completely reasonable reaction. when I discovered my ex wife's affair I divorced her and I do not regret it. But at the same time reconciliation is possible but it depends a lot on your wife. Is she remorseful, has she offered transparency, did she explain to you how/why the affair started, has she taken steps to make sure there won't be another one down the line. If she hasn't done these things and done them "enthusiastically" then odds are she's just trying to run sweep and will just do it again when the heat dies down. You also need to ask yourself are you capable of moving past this. Recovery is a two-way street and will take just as much hard work from you as it does from her. You will have to deal with years of triggers (Events that trigger a mental flashback to the affair) and mind movies (replaying the images over and over again in your head) it will not be easy, nothing about this situation is. I wish you the best of luck follow the advice on this site it will help a lot and remember this was not your fault you didn't deserve this no one does.
Is she remorseful, has she offered transparency, did she explain to you how/why the affair started, has she taken steps to make sure there won't be another one down the line. If she hasn't done these things and done them "enthusiastically" then odds are she's just trying to run sweep and will just do it again when the heat dies down..
She is remorseful, and has offered transparency (I know her email and Facebook passwords, and she leaves her phone unlocked). She said that she enjoyed getting compliments from the OM, and felt like she was going down a destructive path, but couldn't stop herself. I know that I didn't handle the sexting situation properly. I let her off too easy, and I think that came back to haunt me.
As far as being enthusiastic about taking steps to prevent future occurrences, it doesn't really seem like it. She said that she would delete her Facebook, quit traveling, quit Words with Friends and all of that IF I wanted her to. She has been very apologetic, but gets upset when I bring it up. It's like she expects me to move past it as fast as she can...
Its over - move on. Get better with sex. Simple. Sorry no point pitying yourself. Take control, there are many gorgeous women who would like a sensible guy. She sounds like a demanding woman (sexually) and you were far too 'well behaved', she might repent or might never. Anyways, be a man and stand tall (naked).
She has been very apologetic, but gets upset when I bring it up. It's like she expects me to move past it as fast as she can...
RED FLAG WAVING. You must convey to her that IF you choose to stay married to her that it may take YEARS for you to recover. If she can't handle this fact, then she's only wasting both of your time and might as well call it quits.
Chaparral has some info on the things shr must do if she's serious in working hard to regain your trust and help contribute in your personal recovery. You may also want to click on my links below to access info that can help you no matter what you decide.
Gets upset if you bring it up huh? Well that's something she will have to get over if you are going to work this out. Not talking about what is hurting you does not make it go away . IMO if she really wants you and your marriage then she will have to do some heavy lifting. Posted via Mobile Device
Doesn't care about the marriage. She didn't stop with guy number one even after you caught her, and easily started up and affair with number two.
You wife is an easy pickup , obviously there have been a bunch of other guys in between.
She's not interested in sex with you, because she is getting it continuously from these other men. Mshe likely still is, but she has moved off of FB and the phone you know about. She went underground.
Think about her actions and her emotions during all these years she has been actively cheating. She has done it right at the table in front of you without batting an eye lash.
You wife has zero guilt or remorse and she will stop cheating.
Want proof, have her take a polygraph.
Leave het ASAP, let her use some other guy who will believe her.
This isn't about being married young,it's about her being a tramp. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh and get an STD test immediately. She's likely been with a lot of guys and there is a very very high chance you are already infected by her. Posted via Mobile Device
She is remorseful, and has offered transparency (I know her email and Facebook passwords, and she leaves her phone unlocked). She said that she enjoyed getting compliments from the OM, and felt like she was going down a destructive path, but couldn't stop herself. I know that I didn't handle the sexting situation properly. I let her off too easy, and I think that came back to haunt me.
As far as being enthusiastic about taking steps to prevent future occurrences, it doesn't really seem like it. She said that she would delete her Facebook, quit traveling, quit Words with Friends and all of that IF I wanted her to. She has been very apologetic, but gets upset when I bring it up. It's like she expects me to move past it as fast as she can...
Have you exposed her affair to any one? I ask because your wife sounds like someone who would be very image-conscious especially given your christian conservative background. And I can't help but wonder if her "remorse" is more about getting caught then actually having the affair and hurting you. It all comes back to enthusiasm in my opinion. Think back to all the "positive" things she has done since D-day (discovery day) and ask yourself were these things done because of a legitimate desire to make up for the hurt and pain she's caused you. Or a fear of the shame that will come from being divorced because of an affair.
She is remorseful, and has offered transparency (I know her email and Facebook passwords, and she leaves her phone unlocked). She said that she enjoyed getting compliments from the OM, and felt like she was going down a destructive path, but couldn't stop herself. I know that I didn't handle the sexting situation properly. I let her off too easy, and I think that came back to haunt me.
As far as being enthusiastic about taking steps to prevent future occurrences, it doesn't really seem like it. She said that she would delete her Facebook, quit traveling, quit Words with Friends and all of that IF I wanted her to. She has been very apologetic, but gets upset when I bring it up. It's like she expects me to move past it as fast as she can...
Her words do not mean a thing at this stage. Actions do.
She said that she would delete her Facebook, quit traveling, quit Words with Friends and all of that IF I wanted her to. Tell her that this is a start and just do it.
She said that she enjoyed getting compliments from the OM, and felt like she was going down a destructive path, but couldn't stop herself. She is telling you the why. She needs to get into IC to deal with these issues and the sooner the better.
She has been very apologetic, but gets upset when I bring it up. It's like she expects me to move past it as fast as she can. Typical responce. She needs to stop getting upset. It is insulting to you and disrespectful. She brought this into the marriage. She needs to do the heavy lifting. She has no right what-so-ever, none to get upset. I repeat, no right to get upset. She gave up that privilege when she cheated. She is showing partial remorse not true remorse. And of course she wants to move past it as fast as she can. But it is pure stupidy. She broke you, destroyed trust, and she wants to move past this. Do not let her control this situation.
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
For my money, employers should be required to inform all employees and their spouses of the increased likelihood of affairs in traveling relationships, and to seek counseling and set boundaries before accepting such a position. In a pefect world that would be the case, but I know it's wishful thinking.
My ex traveled for work as well and used it the same way your W is.
My decision, after much evidence gathering and waffling, was to expose and DUMP HER. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
You say she's offered to leave the road for your marriage? If you have any interest in R (which is your right to desire, but I think you know better given her history), just go ahead and CALL HER BLUFF. Just walk up to her and say, "So I've thought about what you offered. I've decided. Quit your job tomorrow. Then we'll talk."
I have a crisp benjamin that you'll see her backpedal like crazy.
Also, I'd presume she'd be terrified of her strict family knowing how their sweet little daughter has been conducting herself (unless you two have cut ties with her family)? Expose her, calmly and politely. Tell her folks you are leaving their daughter because she had "wandered" on the road and that was unacceptable to you and your vows. Even if you plan to D, this is important, because otherwise she can tell everyone anything she wants about what happened, and it will NOT be the truth. Don't go down being painted as the bad guy who "neglected her", beat her or cheated on HER, or whatever she'd come up with. Cut her off at the pass and get out.
Just thinking of your dignity and recovery here. Good luck...
You've been given the advice, now how are you gonna use it.
No kids, a house you could most likely walk away from or short sell if needed, still young to start over.
She grew up in a strict house, you were her way out. She's not done having her fun yet, not by a long shot my friend. Might be time to move on and away from someone who's toxic at the moment.
Maybe in 4 or 5 years when she's done spreading her legs and is ready to settle down you could get back with her again.
Seen and been with those type of girls, mom and dad never let them do anything. The minute they're out the door, it's an open house for almost anything that moves. Alot of fun to be with but not marriage material until later on down the road when they finally realize it's time to grow up.
Some of them eventually become great wives and moms but I wouldn't want to be with them when they're still aching to have their fun.
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Re: What to do? 
