You shouldn't threaten or bluff. You should be dead serious to follow up, it's not a game of chicken.
You can't make someone love you, especially if that place in their heart is already taken. Present her with two alternatives, either martial recovery on your terms, or divorce. I know it's hard to gather strength for it at first, but eventually you'll either become fed up with the kind of life you have, or turn into an emotional wreck.
You must verify her commitment to the marriage, by investigating her. If you do find out the affair is continuing then you have stated that it would be ground for divorce, correct?
Well then get busy, the 1st order of bussiness is finding out if your W still wants you or just a marriage of convienence. See you are not completely sure were you are at with you wife. Get rid of this doubt, by getting the confirmation that will lead you to the next step. This step could lead to MC and working on a healthy marriage or it could leed to distancing your self from your new "room mate" and protecting your self from furthure emotional pain.
Get a keylogger, plant a voice activated recorder in her car, look for a secret cell phone, and check you statements for cell, creditcard, and bank. This information will help see if you still have a wife or just a roomate. This information will help you give you direction on your next course of action.
You need to know what she is all about right now so you can act accordingly.
We r not doing well. Nov 11 I find out about om and she takes 3 months to ditch him after divorce threats, house sale threats and arguments. The decider is she is going crazy at being torn in two so ends it with om. I've declared undying love etc all the usual for the past two weeks so she stays. I estimate another 4 weeks before she recognises anything I say or do. Trying to book a holiday for then but all is getting thrown back at me. We have had massive arguments the past two days and I have nearly had enough. Is it really this difficult? We've got a 2 year old and been married for 3 years. Last 12 months have been bad as our son plays us off each other. My wife goes crazy when he cries and this is always the start of any argument. Any helpful tips?
3 months after discovery to drop the OM? Not showing you full remorse even now? My gosh when will you man up and file?
If you think that I am not being helpful then you are wrong. You need to stop being a doormat. No one loves a doormat. He is not a doormat. He dumped her years ago and that is why she still loves him. Once you dump her and mean it. Once you move forward with your life without her, she can always try to win you back. Only with full remorse by her and her willing to do the heavy lifting will this ever have a chance at working long term. The odds are not good no matter what you do, but the odds and the quality of the marraige are better when you act with self respect.
3 months after discovery to drop the OM? Not showing you full remorse even now? My gosh when will you man up and file?
If you think that I am not being helpful then you are wrong. You need to stop being a doormat. No one loves a doormat. He is not a doormat. He dumped her years ago and that is why she still loves him. Once you dump her and mean it. Once you move forward with your life without her, she can always try to win you back. Only with full remorse by her and her willing to do the heavy lifting will this ever have a chance at working long term. The odds are not good no matter what you do, but the odds and the quality of the marraige are better when you act with self respect.
True remorse would be her being completely devoted to repairing the relationship not getting angry at you for stopping her from seeing her ex. She has no respect for you by first of all cheating with a guy who dumped her and second by bearing resentment towards you for asserting marital boundaries. She definitely has feelings for the ex and you're wasting your time to be honest.
I know she is in love with om. I tried to file but cannot bear to only see my son once a fortnight which would be the outcome and yes I have had this checked by a solicitor. I still love her and know she has had no contact in over 2 weeks. Will her feelings towards him fade so that the gestures I'm making will eventually be recognized. Since I found out we have gradually drifted further apart. She won't let me show affection as she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea. We have a good week while I'm at work and then its arguments at the weekend. Always the same one. She doesn't have love for me any more as she loves om and she is trying by staying in the house with me and our son. I've read it takes 6 weeks of nc before my gestures are noticed. If anyone tells me to man up and lose access to my son, then this is not the helpful site it claims to be. Divorce is not an option.
Your wife dont want you, so she is in love with OM. How can you steel her from OM? Think with a clear head man, how can you live in love with a person who abandoned you. who dont want you, dont you have a bit of self respect?
Get-thru-this, there were a number of people here in your situation, who were also claiming that D was not an option. I don't know what kind of advice they really expect, to "win back" their spouses. Write them a love poem? Buy them gifts and flowers? Quite a few have actually tried all that, yet I can't remember a single case here where it worked.
Yes, filing is a tough medicine, and there is no guarantee whatsoever that it will change your wife's mind. Showing your strength and willingness to move on, however, are among the very few things that ever tend to work.
the posters aren't here to tell you what you want to hear. they're here to give you their opinion, and some their personal wisdom, as they've gone through this before.
if you don't like what you hear, don't take the advice. just don't say you weren't warned about the costly mistakes you are commiting.
I'm giving it 2 more months. If no improvement then the papers get filed. I'm getting advice from other sites that all my efforts are fruitless for the first 6 weeks of nc.
I'm giving it 2 more months. If no improvement then the papers get filed. I'm getting advice from other sites that all my efforts are fruitless for the first 6 weeks of nc.
Try fruitless forever. You're not going to win her back or make her love you by being a doormat. Come back in a month, I bet things will not have changed. Correction, it will have changed for the worse because now its just underground and you will have been played. When your WW leaves you for the OM, don't say you weren't warned.
you say the fights start after the 2 yr old starts crying.... what triggers your child from crying in the first place? Is wife getting mad at the crying or how you are responding to the crying?
Arguements are arguements, are these agruements from your 2 year old crying or about her cheating past?
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Re: 2 weeks since she has had no contact 
