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I am pissed of as never before.

104K views 284 replies 56 participants last post by  oldtruck 
#1 · (Edited)
SKIP TO POST #105 FOR A SINGLE POST VERSION OF MY STORY.




Wife and I are together for 22 years and married for 20 years

I am 46 years old, wife is 41.

We have two kids, age 5 years and 18 months (why wait for so long to have children ? anyways,,,,,).

We had an unplanned pregnancy 4 months ago. I was really excited and happy but not really being able to share it with my wife because of her being panicked and disturbed attitude about it.

I was happy for the prospect of having another baby and she was not.

Two months ago and two months into pregnancy, she had the abortion. I was surprised how swiftly she acted on having the
abortion and did it before I realised that it was really going to happen.

She didn't want the baby mainly because, according to her, she is the sole bread winner lately and she couldn't take more responsibility. I'd give it to her, if I didn't know her beliefs and where she stands for all those years. She (and I) continued to express guilt and sorrow for the abortion we had during the early times of our relationships 20 years ago.

Financially there wasn't any immediate concern. Where we live, a women continues to be paid in full and plus during the pregnancy and after the delivery while having the 6 months (or more) leave of work. We have the best insurance coverage, great doctors, hospitals. And having another sibling would'nt put our two kids future in jeopardy, for financial reasons at least.

She adores our kids. She values life so that she (would) put(s) her life on the line for others, animals' included. She menages to stay vegetarian despite of being a gourme meat lover inside. She supports charities for abondened, mistreated kids, donates and works for them, sometimes comes home crying for some of the kids she met and would adopt one, last year if I'd go for it (I think).

Well again, I was surprised.

If it was a well layed out movie it would lead to something extraordinary about her not wanting that baby. Don't get the wrong idea, baby was mine, I think.... And I don't think that she had any affair around the time of that pregnancy, I think........

The abortion was the turning point. Before, we were just back from a realy nice holliday and after we were crumbling into pieces in every meaning.

Next day after the abortion, late morning, she called me from work and blasted me about me not calling her to ask her how is she doing. She started preaching me about how I don't care about her well being and don't suport her on the phone.

I had cried and threw up twice already then. I lost it there. I gave her the whole nine yards. Started with reminding her how we celebrated our first two borns first scans, the whole graphics like baby already having the arms and legs, feeling the pain of being thorn apart, etc....We had the first (appearently last) ultrasound scan and images of the baby few days ago.

I hope I did'nt go against forum rules here. I don't want to start a debate about abortion and it is the least of my concerns right now. I can't cut it short to the point most of the time, still I want to come across with where I am, that's all.

She ended up visiting the closest shrink immediatedly after our phone conversation.

I know I'm posting to CWI, I'll come to infidelity and desperately trying to cope with it part soon. Now it is really late here and I need to listen to some music before I try to catch some sleep.

Thanks for reading. I'll continue, put things into focus and look forward for your opinions.

I too say, I wish I had TAM and you guys, 20, 18 and 12 years ago.

Did I say "Borderline Personality Disorder", we got that too, not an official diagnosis though, just my biased opinion.
 
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#40 ·
I am hoping to end this abortion saga with this last post, enough with abortion.

She had the abortion around middle of last November. Like I explained before, I wasted her on the phone next day. She found a psychiatrist immediately. I did'nt talk to her for the next four days and she would be dead by now if looks could kill. I was in very bad mood.

Then I started coming out. Just for starting the "dealing with it in dialog" process and releave my guilt a little bit, I approached her and asked;

"Would you not have the abortion if I were a little more adamant about it ?" I said nothing else.

She turned around, opened her mouth and gave me a tongue lash for about five minutes. She ended by saying "Divorce is fine with me, just make your mind up and let me know in a week"

I said WOWWW inside, nothing else, I just turned around and left the room thinking where the hell is that D word coming from ?

About three weeks after her ultimatum, I learned that a married woman can not have an abortion or any operation for birth control without written consent from her husband and the doctor or the medical facility is responsible to obtain it before such procedure.

Of course I didn't provide any consent to anybody in that subject, including the IUD she have had placed during her control visit without my knowledge.

It was sunday. I learned that when I was checking local law over the internet. I jolted up my seat and started cursing myself.

I have always had a great sense of justice, I am like a lawyer without formal education. I've never played the victim (except against my wife). When I had to stand for my or my wifes rights I did it without hesitation. They were mostly business and work place related. I always had one or two lawyers at hand. All my cases ended in my favour. What I am saying is I have always protected my legal rights, sometimes just for the sake of justice even when I know at the beginning that it will cost me financially at the end. And I never went for legaly isn't mine.

How did I let it slip this time ? I was gonna sue the doctors ass with every possible demand. And donate the money for charities. I was thinking to put my wife on to witness stand forcefuly just to see their faces against each other (doc's and wife's). And possibly sue my wife too.

Soon after my discovery I started showing the full symptoms of panic attack and hospitalized. Then I was referred to a psychiatrist.

I will never forgive her for the abortion. She is a baby killer. I forbid her to do any charity for kids anymore. Does'nt seem right.

That's all abaout the abortion.
 
#60 ·
About three weeks after her ultimatum, I learned that a married woman can not have an abortion or any operation for birth control without written consent from her husband and the doctor or the medical facility is responsible to obtain it before such procedure.

Of course I didn't provide any consent to anybody in that subject, including the IUD she have had placed during her control visit without my knowledge.
Is it possible that she forged your signature or possibly had someone else forge your signature? You won't know unless you see the actual papers.
 
#47 ·
As I was reading this, I wondered if "OneMan" was not back with yet another alter ego? When I first posted, the first thing I was told was to break up my paragraphs to make it easier to read... Hope all works out for S & S but it's a longshot.... Good luck...if this is real and you stay (or leave), you will need it.
 
#53 ·
"Jerry Springer show" and "married with children"....... my two favorites. I learned english and some ebonics watching them.

I used to do really deep hardware and software R&D for fifteen hours a day. I'd could'nt do it if I had'nt have my TV besides my oscilloscope and my six pac every other day.
 
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#49 ·
Rock,

I read your "Is it okay for a guy to have intercourse without having an orgasm?" Thread.

I would take you as being the wife on that story if you didn't say you are the man. Don't get me wrong many people say that I am the wife and my wife is the husband in our marriage. Our conselors said the same thing recently, and I don't have a problem with that.

My body and psyche works different then yours when it comes to sex and orgasm. I can come in 40 seconds if I'm in hurry and masturbating. I can hold it back as long as I want if I am having sex every other day.

I don't think my wife got pregnant with my precome. Yes, I am talking about the secretions from cowper's glands. Precum is not something only some man have. It is the male version of woman getting wet. It is very essential and necessary. Precum always carries some tiny amount of sperms. And those little bastards turns a young man's and women's world upside down sometimes.

That night, the night, I made my wife suppousedly pregnant went like this.

We were not having sex for a while. I was ready to explode in any second. While I was trying to bang her to the "O" I was also trying to hold my guys back. I am sure many of you had that experience. If I try to stop my ejaculation really hard, I don't get the rhytmic spasms that facilitates ejaculation. But after some point semen starts to ooze out without any definite spasm and without any orgasm. Thats what happend that night.

I pulled out as soon as I feel the ooze and let most of it come on her back. If some semen may have been left in her I would'nt be surprised. When that oozing starts is not as definite as regular cum and orgasm.

Still it is a very slim chance after all. It is more than a red flag.

I wish she was a smart girl, really I do.
 
#51 · (Edited)
Your question is very valid for a healthy person. She is ****ed up in many fronts so I don't know.

I would'nt be surprised if tomorrow she ends up in a monestery and become a celibate nune or join to a traveling brothel and **** million men and woman in brasil for the rest of her life.

Only if I am not in her life. She calls me my anchor. I make her to live like a normal person, she says.


**************BORDERLINE****************

EDIT:

I need to edit the thing I wrote above. No... she would'nt end up in a monestery or in a brothel. She is not that loony.

She has the capacity to still surprise me with her bad chocies, that all I was trying to say.
 
#48 ·
I may bring some light on the troll quality of my posts. It is easier then to start on another mega post.

I am a quite troll buster myself on other mostly engineering/science forums I attend. A hit and run troll just hits and runs, I am beyond that. A multiple personality repeating troll is always on a mission to get even with some long time contributers, am I like that ? Finally a troll defends himself as not being a troll as I do now.... ooops.. No I am not a troll believe me.

1.I started with a controversial subject, abortion.

2.It's been four pages on my own thread and I still haven't got to the infidelity part.

3.I seem to enjoy creating some suspens and attention created by it.

4.My story doesn't add up well.

To explain those, I'd say;

1.Abortion... I am not religous, in fact I am an atheist. Still I am as spiritual as jesus and more of a family man than he was, I should add moses, budha and mohammed to that to be politically correct. So that the abortion my wife had filled me with such anger that It is not even close to the anger and etc.. I felt when she had cheated. So I had to start with that part if I was going to open up here.

2.Instead of simply stating where am I, I detail what took me here. I contribute to some technical forums. I am the guy with the longest posts there too, I admire morituri here with his simplicity to the point.

3.I am not trying to create suspense. Writing that long is tiresome but I can not cut it to the point any shorter. About enjoying this... I can not really say that I enjoy it but I can say that writing here is definitly theurepathic. Saying it out loud in tears in a way. I ended up here like most of you did. A google search, finding TAM and than getting hooked on reading as much stories as you can. Feeling like you are not alone and then feeling like it is time to tell your story. Than dissepeare.... I guess.... It is all part of the process

4.My story does'nt make sense, my story doesn't add up, there is something off............

Hey people..... Nothing make sense, nothing adds up, everything is more off than on. Nothing is just, nothing is deserved.

We are in the twilight zone forever.
 
#57 ·
I may bring some light on the troll quality of my posts. Finally a troll defends himself as not being a troll as I do now.... ooops.. No I am not a troll believe me.
I never mentioned the word troll? The first time I ever heard it was in a fake post last week where the person ended up getting his account deleted. I don't know or care who you are but you sure went to a lot of time and detail trying to explain why you weren't a "troll"? Your business. If this is all really on the up and up....I sincerely hope things work out well for you but it sounds like you have a tough road ahead of you for sure!
Good luck S & S...
 
#50 · (Edited)
We were married for 1.5 years when she had her first affair.

We both were talking about not doing a good job as husband and wife, either of us, and considering to consider divorce. It was mostly a talk we engage sometimes after the problems we had during our (yet) short marrige but other than that we were living in the same house, cooking, eating good food, watching a movie with wine or beer and going to bed together, doing almost everything together at the time. Life was easy, no kids, no health problems, we were financially good. We were working on our second college degrees. We were mostly enjoying what we have than despiseing it.

Frequency of sex was once a week then. For a 23 years old woman and 28 year old man I call it a sexless marriage.

It was a friday or saturday night. A male friend of my wife showed up around 09:00 pm. I saw him once before and she talked to him twice before I guess. He was more of a new acquitance then a friend to her.

He had asked my wife early that day that if she (and I, for not being too forward I guess) would like to join him and his friends to go to a club/disco that night. She said OK and it didn't seem too far off to me since we were in a college environment and partying/socializing was a good part of it.

I didn't want to join in that group because I was too busy with my work around that time. And they left after last time she asked me to go with them.

After about 02:00 am that night I started getting nervous. She wasn't back, I didn't know the guy well and any one in that group of people. I knew that, that club was closing at 02:00 am. It was a time before we had cell phones.

All I could do is to find his phone (he was living with his family) from the directory and talk to his mom very early in the morning.


She came back around 07:00 am next morning. She hugged me and started crying. She said she had sex with him.

I was'nt ready for that even after it was so appearent.

It turned out, there was not a group of people, just my wife and him and the friend of his to give them a ride to the club.

I guess even the guy was'nt expecting to score so quick, he didn't made any plans for a **** place. My wife payed for the no tell motel, I guess she dragged him there.

Seeing her taking off her fancy lingerie, which she only wears for a special occasion, getting ready to get in our bad and crying at the same time....... That was 18 years ago...... Time doesn't heal you if you are on the wrong medicine.....
 
#54 ·
I am here to find some answers for myself too. It doesn't make sense.

You are one of my heroes here bandit. I put your story under the "that would have been me" folder in my favorites.

I was a fool for all those years. If we didn't have the kids now end of my story would be alot like yours.
 
#56 ·
This last abortion fiasco should be the deal breaker! This woman is toxic and amoral. You are doing your children no favors staying together with her. I recommend you file for divorce as soon as possible.

There is no happy ending to this. Stay with her and you get treated like trash for the rest of your life, divorce and you will go through a tough time of readjustment, but in my opinion divorce is the lesser of two evils here.

I would also hang her physicians out to dry and get as much money as you can. The hospital where this was perfromed will not want it to go to trial and they will settle handsomely. I would use that money to relocate as far away from that Valkyrie as you can, and start a new healthy home for you and your children.
 
#68 ·
Here It would.

Law says, "For married woman, husband's permission is required for sterilisation or termination of pregnancy"

I think birth control pills, foams, and few other simple things are sold without a prescription, here. That law should apply for permanent forms of birth control.

IUD, altough reversible, can be considered as a permanent form of birth control I think.
 
#71 ·
Why didn't you simply divorce her years ago for so cheating and doing it so blantantly?

Why don't you divorce her now for her cheating so many years ago?

you write way too many words and rationalizations. You write like a troll, (sorry, but true), you also analyze things until you take no action.

It sounds like years ago you rationalized why you shouldn't divorce her cheating worthless butt - and for that you suffered a deep personal humiliation from which you have never recovered?

Did the cheating continue - did you continue to be a cuckold with her dating other men, wearing her best lingere and coming home the next morning ? Also, with her pursing and paying for the hotel?

Honestly - It is beyond me to understand how you could have kept her after what she did. The only way it would have been worse would be you being asked to leave for the night because they wanted to use your bed and you being home made the OM feel awkward.

But each day is an new opportunity to divorce her - file for primary custody of the children and the home - and to share with friends and family how she has cheated.
 
#76 ·
Really? He to this day brings it up when talking about her AND she had to lie to him to go out on her night of cheating.

So it doesn't sound at all like cheating was acceptable.

--

I also don't believe that it's possible she got pregnant by him the way he describes. Especiallly her comment about being preg already. That sounds like she was knocked up by another guy, thought at the time she'd set her husband up to be able to think he was possibly the father.

Then the lover doesn't want her + the baby - so she gets the abortion so she can keep the lover.
 
#78 ·
My sister in law's husband is Italian American. He has family in Rome and Sicily and from what he tells me, several of his uncles and cousins have mistresses and lovers on the side while being happily married to their spouses. The spouses know and as long as the affairs are kept low key and out of sight, they tolerate it. Not saying this is the norm, but it does exist in some places.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#98 · (Edited)
Men are wired for the last couple of million years as being really pissed off when their mate is banged by another dude. There is not a cultural difference about that.

The thing you mentioned above is not europian it is just archaic.

Those man have no wives as we now. They just posses some peace of ass they call wife which they bang them when they are young and new, can bear their children and bang them on occasion when wife is old but husband is really drunk. And their wives are married to pigs which they call husband. I feel sorry for those women who are forced to accept this cultural s***.
 
#85 ·
Okay i would not be so inclined to think she Cheated if it was not for the fact that

1) she cheated on you before and had an affair before as you said

2) she has lied before

3) you accepted that it was okay for someone to cheat and have an affair and moved on.

Oh and you lived in a practically sexless marriage and than she said "heck i am probably already" pregnant.

^ that screams to me she had an affair got pregnant by another man found out about it than said "heck i am probably already pregnant" to make you think you got or will get her pregnant. Than all of a sudden she is pregnant. Her not telling you about the abortion till right after is likely do to her guilt and being unable to live with the fact its not your child.


^^^ this is just my take its very sad indeed corruption and the devil's poison has infected her but it can only infect you if you have that in you. I wish you best of luck and hope this is not the case but it all sounds very fishy.. I would not have assumed she had an affair until you mentioned all of that. At first i was just going to tell you that while i can understand you are sad it is her choice to get rid of the fetus and its not technically living until its born. I can understand lack of trust and all is now affected.
 
#97 · (Edited)
1. Yes

2. Unlike your assumption, she has been brutally honest. She trickled truth, didn't wanna talk, but she didn't lie much all those years. Lately though, our relationship can't handle the truth. So some lies are expected.

3.It is your assumption.

About the latest pregnancy; If you read again you can see that time line corresponds to the conclusion that it was probably my child. Yes we couldn't concieve even when we intentionally tried at our late years, but we had an unintentional pregnancy when we were younger and we recently had our second child in natural ways. It takes just one sperm, I didn't send the millions in but I sent alot more than one I guess.

More importantly, she could have the abortion in secret very easely. I wouldn't hear/know anything. Instead she started talking about missing her period, every morning, again, for weeks. When she sad "heck i am probably already pregnant" we both already knew that she was missing her period for sometime. I thought I wrote it like that.

Thanks for your best wishes, though,I appreciate it.
 
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