1) She cheated on you, got knocked up by the other guy and aborted the fetus.
2) She got pregnant by you and killed your child.
Both scenarios are divorceable offenses.
Your wording is interesting. When it's the OM's child, it's a fetus. But when it's OP's child, it's a child.
The child was not guilty of anything.
I am sorry, OP, for what you're going through I couldn't imagine. When Hubs' got snipped, it was a mutual decision...I couldn't imagine if he just went and did it (we weren't married at the time but living together..we have a child)...
I mean, my wife and I weren't financially set when she got pregnant, but it was like "Oh well! You want to play adult games, sometimes you pay adult prices." Abortion was never and option for either of us, because we created a child together. If we ever thought about abortion, then I KNOW it would have been a deadly serious decussion for the BOTH of us.
Now, I know that not all people are the same, and how they react to things are different. HOWEVER, for her to quickly abort without ANY input from you what-so-ever? Kinda raised my eyebrows a bit.
Upper limit for selective abortion is 12 weeks here. Our doctor suggested to do it before 8 weeks to keep things medically less complicated, if it was going to be the case.
8 weeks were up in few days, that is way she suddenly got up to speed and finished it in the following days after the exam. In fact, for the last three weeks, after she missed her period, she was'nt in any kind of rush.
We've been talking and joking about the possibility of her being pregnant. One of the jokes was, me not having a real sex life and still being in the position of having to deal with the complications of sex after having one lousy session. I never meant I didn't want the baby. I was just playing the role of a high school kid for a joke. I always made her (and myself) laugh even during the worst times we had.
Another thing I should mention is that we are able to conceive via natural way. First it happend 20 years ago, with our mutual decision. We ended it at second week of pregnancy. She was so upset immidiately after that first abortion. She had been through all common and healthy symptoms. The guilt, feeling of loss, crying when she saw a pregnant woman or a baby around, for months. And we both have regreted what we have done, ever since.
We started to try for a baby, around 2001, two years after our false reconciliation and totaly sexless marriage, what a fool I am. We had sex once or twice during that certain time of month and never mised our vitamins and suplements.
Nothing happend for the next five years. Then we decided to see a fertilisation specialist. Guess what, during her first exam Doctor saw a baby, around one months old in her womb. Unfortuanetely we lost the baby at 12 weeks into pregnancy.
Then two years later we had our first baby via invitro fertilisation.
Then it happend again. When we decided to have our second baby, we went back to our invitro doctor. He planned to start her treatment after her next period. We had been having dutyfull sex (duty for her) for the last few months for our next baby. When we showed up at doctors office for invitro, after delayed period, he saw the baby already in place. Smart baby saved us spending thousands of dollars, won herself a free delivery. That's how we had our daughter.
What I am coming to is, we are used to have unexpected pregnancies when chances are slim after so many years of drought.
My invitro boy and oldschool girl both look exactly like me and behieve like me, it is unbeliavable. I don't think a DNA test is necessary. We live in a mediterranean country, there are not a lot of guys around looking like me. I have a nordic/slavic complexion. I am not going to say "you never know" this time, kids must be mine.
Now, she hasn't expressed any remorse for the second abortion yet. She still maintains that she did the right thing. Let alone killing the baby, after seeing the change in our marriage which her selfish act triggered, she should damn be sorry and say I did a bad thing, very bad thing. I know she is already there inside but she is still trying to keep her guard up by showing a contend face.
He's obviously going to assume a prostrate position and ask forgiveness from his queen for being angered by her actions. He'd rather be a mouse with her than a lion without her. No wonder she treats him like crap. He's a low T kind of guy.
I am hoping to end this abortion saga with this last post, enough with abortion.
She had the abortion around middle of last November. Like I explained before, I wasted her on the phone next day. She found a psychiatrist immediately. I did'nt talk to her for the next four days and she would be dead by now if looks could kill. I was in very bad mood.
Then I started coming out. Just for starting the "dealing with it in dialog" process and releave my guilt a little bit, I approached her and asked;
"Would you not have the abortion if I were a little more adamant about it ?" I said nothing else.
She turned around, opened her mouth and gave me a tongue lash for about five minutes. She ended by saying "Divorce is fine with me, just make your mind up and let me know in a week"
I said WOWWW inside, nothing else, I just turned around and left the room thinking where the hell is that D word coming from ?
About three weeks after her ultimatum, I learned that a married woman can not have an abortion or any operation for birth control without written consent from her husband and the doctor or the medical facility is responsible to obtain it before such procedure.
Of course I didn't provide any consent to anybody in that subject, including the IUD she have had placed during her control visit without my knowledge.
It was sunday. I learned that when I was checking local law over the internet. I jolted up my seat and started cursing myself.
I have always had a great sense of justice, I am like a lawyer without formal education. I've never played the victim (except against my wife). When I had to stand for my or my wifes rights I did it without hesitation. They were mostly business and work place related. I always had one or two lawyers at hand. All my cases ended in my favour. What I am saying is I have always protected my legal rights, sometimes just for the sake of justice even when I know at the beginning that it will cost me financially at the end. And I never went for legaly isn't mine.
How did I let it slip this time ? I was gonna sue the doctors ass with every possible demand. And donate the money for charities. I was thinking to put my wife on to witness stand forcefuly just to see their faces against each other (doc's and wife's). And possibly sue my wife too.
Soon after my discovery I started showing the full symptoms of panic attack and hospitalized. Then I was referred to a psychiatrist.
I will never forgive her for the abortion. She is a baby killer. I forbid her to do any charity for kids anymore. Does'nt seem right.