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I am pissed of as never before.

104K views 284 replies 56 participants last post by  oldtruck 
#1 · (Edited)
SKIP TO POST #105 FOR A SINGLE POST VERSION OF MY STORY.




Wife and I are together for 22 years and married for 20 years

I am 46 years old, wife is 41.

We have two kids, age 5 years and 18 months (why wait for so long to have children ? anyways,,,,,).

We had an unplanned pregnancy 4 months ago. I was really excited and happy but not really being able to share it with my wife because of her being panicked and disturbed attitude about it.

I was happy for the prospect of having another baby and she was not.

Two months ago and two months into pregnancy, she had the abortion. I was surprised how swiftly she acted on having the
abortion and did it before I realised that it was really going to happen.

She didn't want the baby mainly because, according to her, she is the sole bread winner lately and she couldn't take more responsibility. I'd give it to her, if I didn't know her beliefs and where she stands for all those years. She (and I) continued to express guilt and sorrow for the abortion we had during the early times of our relationships 20 years ago.

Financially there wasn't any immediate concern. Where we live, a women continues to be paid in full and plus during the pregnancy and after the delivery while having the 6 months (or more) leave of work. We have the best insurance coverage, great doctors, hospitals. And having another sibling would'nt put our two kids future in jeopardy, for financial reasons at least.

She adores our kids. She values life so that she (would) put(s) her life on the line for others, animals' included. She menages to stay vegetarian despite of being a gourme meat lover inside. She supports charities for abondened, mistreated kids, donates and works for them, sometimes comes home crying for some of the kids she met and would adopt one, last year if I'd go for it (I think).

Well again, I was surprised.

If it was a well layed out movie it would lead to something extraordinary about her not wanting that baby. Don't get the wrong idea, baby was mine, I think.... And I don't think that she had any affair around the time of that pregnancy, I think........

The abortion was the turning point. Before, we were just back from a realy nice holliday and after we were crumbling into pieces in every meaning.

Next day after the abortion, late morning, she called me from work and blasted me about me not calling her to ask her how is she doing. She started preaching me about how I don't care about her well being and don't suport her on the phone.

I had cried and threw up twice already then. I lost it there. I gave her the whole nine yards. Started with reminding her how we celebrated our first two borns first scans, the whole graphics like baby already having the arms and legs, feeling the pain of being thorn apart, etc....We had the first (appearently last) ultrasound scan and images of the baby few days ago.

I hope I did'nt go against forum rules here. I don't want to start a debate about abortion and it is the least of my concerns right now. I can't cut it short to the point most of the time, still I want to come across with where I am, that's all.

She ended up visiting the closest shrink immediatedly after our phone conversation.

I know I'm posting to CWI, I'll come to infidelity and desperately trying to cope with it part soon. Now it is really late here and I need to listen to some music before I try to catch some sleep.

Thanks for reading. I'll continue, put things into focus and look forward for your opinions.

I too say, I wish I had TAM and you guys, 20, 18 and 12 years ago.

Did I say "Borderline Personality Disorder", we got that too, not an official diagnosis though, just my biased opinion.
 
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#227 ·
I don't know, I don't care.

She is not in the fog of an affair. She is permenantly crooked.

There may not be anyone today but, she may be in bed with someone tomorrow after they just meet and know each other for only hours. As she prooved to be capable of before, time and again.
 
#229 ·
I was the alpha plus when first we met and years after that, believe me. I was the guy who made women drool around me even when their boyfriends are right besides them, boyfriends loved and respected me too.

If I can't be a beta in the comfort of my wife of twenty two years then be it so, I'll take it. I don't want to dance in a primitive mating game with a shallow women for the rest of my life.
 
#234 ·
So she reads what is written here? She cheats, lies, and betrays you without guilt, remorse, or even shame, and she then wants to review and edit the truth you write about your situation.

Wow. Why would you put with her telling you to edit the truth? There is no way to spin her cheating and betrayal in anyway that doesn't make it seem as awful as it is, including an abortion.

I forget did you ever find out who's it might have been?
 
#235 · (Edited)
She didn't ask me to come back and edit what I wrote here. She just let me know that it was'nt all true. I did the editing just for my consience. Yes I was 0.1% wrong this time.

I guess the aborted baby was mine but, I'll put another ugly spin on abortion. She has a crush on that gynocologist who performed the abortion, illegaly, murdered my baby, He is married with kids too. I read that out of her unspoken words during the first days of our reconciliation talks about ayear ago. When she started talking about him (you know the way a ...lets say...... an admiring woman talks about a next POSOM alpha male), He is smart, understanding, lovable, like how she was planning to take advanced biking classes with him, buying a bike and etc......
 
#244 ·
Today we gave our lawyers the go ahead.

For the last days, I was combing through our things to separate my things. I came across her letters sent overseas to me from the first days of our marriage from twenty years ago. They are hand written in real paper. Real letters before internet times.

They are all so sweet but two in particular touched me deeply. She was going to have a little surgery. It was going to be under full anesthesia and as always there was a small change of not waking back up.

She wrote two letters to me, one with a tiny positive, other with a negative sign at the corner of envelops. My brother was with her at the time. Letters were given to my brother before surgery. He was going to mail the appropriate letter, depending on her survival.

I had received the letter with plus sign at the corner, twenty years ago. On the letter, after saying she survived, she was painting our future as a dream slowly coming true, professing her love passionately.

Later, I found and opened the other envelop too, with the minus sign at the corner. This envelop was ticker. There was a recently bought life insurance policy on her name and I was the sole beneficiary. There was a letter from her too. That was a very loving an sad letter. She was telling me to enjoy my life after her and to finish my education with the insurance money.

I couldn't keep my tears from falling. That was the girl I was married. I was living or I thought I was living the first letter up until a year ago.

Then, a year ago the harsh reality started to set in. The girl I was married is dead in a way as in the second letter now and I am missing her dearly even if she was an illusion. I couldn't keep myself from replying to those letters twenty years later.

I don`t now. Was I torturing myself further or was it the part of my mourning/recovery process ?

I am really touchy today.
 
#246 ·
Well, this was a pretty depressing and pathetic read.

I am still waiting for some personal growth. The fact you needed to be cozened into this divorce, with a woman who cheated on you with what? 6? 10? 20? men

Who mistreated you, and denied you sex, according to you for DECADES. THIS is the woman you call 'your best friend'.

And I bet you haven' revealed the reason for your divorce.

If nothing else, you've made me feel MUCH more alpha. Thank you.
 
#250 ·
WOW.....just WOW. If found your thread an hour ago and read it all...... again wow. Im sorry what happen. good to see u moving on. This Wife is the most repulsive person i have ever heard from. There are 250k words but none can explain how she disgusts me. I ask myself what would happen if you had breaking up with her at her first ONS...... have to take a cigarette at my balocony ...... If my current or future GF or Wife will ever cheat on me, i will remember your sad story an will breaking up
 
#254 · (Edited)
Since it is half public, I'll add to that.

...................................................deleted

This guy has a role in why my family is here today.

He is one of the guys that my wife cheated on me with.

He knew that my wife was a married woman. In fact when we first met I was with my wife, and that was the first time he saw my wife.

Then, during his affair with my wife, I learned that, he was also with or engaged or married with that doctor girl.

Later I learned that he was married to a doctor and had three kids which I don't know if she is the same doctor girl but giving the time frame it is her.

During the first days of my time on TAM I learned that we have an obligation to let the wife or husband of OW/OM to know that their partner is/was cheating on them.

Would it make his x wife to fell better if she learnes now that scott also cheated on her before all hell broke loose on her life ?


EDIT : PLEASE READ.
I gave the news link above about one guy that my wife cheated with 20 years ago. I thought it is an interesting edition to my story. BUT by doing that I may be exposing that guy too. I am not sure if it is a good thing or bad thing for him and especially for his Xwife.
SO please delete out his name and the news link if you quote this post. I am deleting his name and the news link.
 
#255 ·
Since it is half public, I'll add to that.


He thought meth had taken all it could. But Scott Moyers still needed to hear from the judge. : News

This guy..., Scott Moyers of Cape Girardeau.....has a role in why my family is here today.

He is one of the guys that my wife cheated on me with.

He knew that my wife was a married woman. In fact when we first met I was with my wife, and that was the first time he saw my wife.

Then, during his affair with my wife, I learned that, he was also with or engaged or married with that doctor girl.

Later I learned that he was married to a doctor and had three kids which I don't know if she is the same doctor girl but giving the time frame it is her.

During the first days of my time on TAM I learned that we have an obligation to let the wife or husband of OW/OM to know that their partner is/was cheating on them.

Would it make scott moyers x wife to fell better if she learnes now that scott also cheated on her before all hell broke loose on her life ?
To hard to answer. If she is a spouse who has no clue why the marriage disintegrated it just might help.

If she knows, it may dredge up depressing memories and set her back.
 
#263 ·
Well you're on it.

If you go back to the beginning of this thread you will see my name at the first post.

This is my first and main thread. I also had started some other threads mostly about dealing with a narcissistic spouse and serial cheater and contributed to threads which mostly deals with those issues.

I don't expect you to go through all.

You can skip to post number 105 on this thread for a summary until then. It gets more interesting after that though.

Thanks for your more constructive interest.
 
#265 ·
S&S, did you say in one of your threads that you and your wife are originally from the Philippines but are now living and working in the Middle East ? Did she also live in the USA before?
 
#268 ·
To answer your question, no, I would not reach out to this guy's ex wife to inform her that her husband or fiancé or boyfriend may or may not have had an affair with your wife that you have also since divorced 20 years ago. A guy that she has since divorced, who blew upwards of $250k in drugs. This woman has suffered enough, wouldn't you agree?
 
#272 ·
I am not thinking to inform her. I hope she is over him and she is doing well. I don't know her but I feel like we are on the same side.

About three years ago after TAM has started to open my eyes, when I am still married to my wife and hoping to recover together from her past with her and that OM guy is still married to that doctor wife and he had'nt blown his life with drugs (at least it was hidden then), I seriously thought to inform his wife about his affair (even though it took place long time ago) with my wife and post him on cheaterville.

I developed a sense after I started TAM that if someone has a knowledge of a cheating affair and he/she is not sharing that info with the innocent but unknowingly abused party which are the unaware partners of the cheaters, should'nt dare to look themselves in the eye in the mirror.

Anyways, I didn't contact his wife then but I still, to this day, feel like I owe something to her. After I've got the news about his drug use and their divorce recently, things came back in my mind and I made my post yesterday after one and a half year hiatus.

I am still not sure if his current doctor Xwife is the same girl which he was involved in 1994 when he was having his affair with my wife.

All I know that when he was having sex with my wife in 1994 he also was having a long distance relationship with a medical student girl in another town for school.

I am not judging him for his drug use or what he has done with his life. I know much worst people, like my wife.

But he hurt me then and my children after 18 years later by knowingly choosing to have sex with a married and fragile/disturbed woman in 1994.
 
#269 ·
Ya I also wouldn't tell his wife anything unless you can provide concrete evidence of the affair.


Anyway just got through reading this entire thread. WS is fvcking vomit inducing.
 
#271 ·
OK got it - I only said that because I know quite a bit about the Philippino culture and thought you might be from there. Also you mentioned going back home to Asia from a mediterranean country that doesn't observe Saturday and Sunday as the day off (hence the Middle East sprung to mind where they have Thursday and Friday). And because of the many mixtures that exist in the Philippines you get different shades and you mentioned that you looked more North European whereas she didn't.
 
#275 ·
She looks slavic too. All I was saying that considering her looks too, anything mediterranean would be too obvious in our children. They don't have it.

When in america we were always mistaken as a russian couple because of our looks and how we sound in our native language.

I am not saying these in a racist way. I am not proud of having mostly slavic genes and I don't care. I may have used the words nordic and slavic interchangeably, cause I don't care.

I and my x wife are native to a country which borders mediterranean sea but our families are immigrants from ukrainia, balkans and caucasia with probably some little turkic input, we are very mixed slavics.

I myself don't care but I get questions about that.
 
#274 ·
The OM is now divorced, so there is not much reason to inform his XW of the old affair. If they were still married it would right to inform her.

The question which cannot be answered is whether the information would be helpful to her or hurtful. I tend to think it is more likely to be hurtful, so I wouldn't tell her.
 
#278 ·
It is nice to see someone from old times, I hope you are doing fine Thor.

As I explained before I am not going to inform his life. It is too late for everybody who involved.

In fact, I guess I am going to delete that news link which identifies who is that guy (the meth guy with a doctor wife) in my post.

As a reflex TAM is the first place that I come when I need some opinions in this issue but appearently there are not many people left here who are familiar with my story.
 
#279 · (Edited)
After 5 years since my divorce, thinking all is over, having a normal day to day life with my kids, at last, I am back. Even My TAM password was suspended after such a long absistence. I wish I was never back.

Now my covert narcissist exwife is married to someone in another country and wants to take my kids there with her to her new husband`s home.

My daughter is almost 8 and son is 11. We have fifty/fifty custody of the kids but kids stayed with me and mommy showed up only during weekends, despite all my efforts to make her spend more time with kids, taking kids to a mall for a movie and a fast food meal, before bringing them back , calling her style “fun parenting“.

I think me, my kids and,.... the new lucky...... husband of her`s are up to some serious s**t.
 
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