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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-29-2012, 08:50 AM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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He's a European. Completely different mentality on marriage over there. Polyamory is acceptable in some parts over there. They think nothing of it.
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Really? He to this day brings it up when talking about her AND she had to lie to him to go out on her night of cheating.

So it doesn't sound at all like cheating was acceptable.

--

I also don't believe that it's possible she got pregnant by him the way he describes. Especiallly her comment about being preg already. That sounds like she was knocked up by another guy, thought at the time she'd set her husband up to be able to think he was possibly the father.

Then the lover doesn't want her + the baby - so she gets the abortion so she can keep the lover.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:51 AM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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He's a European. Completely different mentality on marriage over there. Polyamory is acceptable in some parts over there. They think nothing of it.
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Well if that is the case why is he posting here? It certainly sounds like he is accepting of her behavior. He is affectionate toward her. He is willing to stay married to someone who blatantly cheats and probably even got pregnant by one of her paramours. So apparently he is happy enough with the status quo that he's not willing to do anything about it. All I can say is good luck and I hope he is happy with no sex and a disrespectful s!ut wife.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:04 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

My sister in law's husband is Italian American. He has family in Rome and Sicily and from what he tells me, several of his uncles and cousins have mistresses and lovers on the side while being happily married to their spouses. The spouses know and as long as the affairs are kept low key and out of sight, they tolerate it. Not saying this is the norm, but it does exist in some places.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:22 AM   #79 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

Anything going on with this yet? Made it to page 3, and had to give up...
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Old 02-29-2012, 02:40 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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So what you are saying is that you are incredibly pissed off. So pissed off that you are considering suing the doctor that performed the abortion. So pissed off that you admittedly would want to divorce your wife. So pissed off that you can't think straight sometimes. So pissed off that you needed to come to TAM to vent and ask for advice.

But...

You and your wife are affectionate toward each other and it's not fake???!!!

Buddy, there are some serious holes in your story. Or you are an incredible actor and consummate rug sweeper.

I used the wrong word I should'nt say affectionate, careing is more appropriate. Alot are lost in translation. What I meant was; We are really carefull in front of our children even though I shred her into pieces behind doors and she cries herself into sleep.

I haven't said all yet. It seems like holes in my story and people are eager to fill those holes by themselves. Then it turns to a patch work and it does' nt hold water.

Would it make more sense if I 'd said we were seperated immediately after her ONS 18 years ago? That's what was happened actually and I am coming to there.

I'm sorry if my pace is to slow and irritates you. But this is my story and my way of telling it.
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Old 02-29-2012, 03:02 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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Which part do you think that I am making up ?
I was just hoping for the best.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:23 PM   #82 (permalink)
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I used the wrong word I should'nt say affectionate, careing is more appropriate. Alot are lost in translation. What I meant was; We are really carefull in front of our children even though I shred her into pieces behind doors and she cries herself into sleep.

I haven't said all yet. It seems like holes in my story and people are eager to fill those holes by themselves. Then it turns to a patch work and it does' nt hold water.

Would it make more sense if I 'd said we were seperated immediately after her ONS 18 years ago? That's what was happened actually and I am coming to there.

I'm sorry if my pace is to slow and irritates you. But this is my story and my way of telling it.
I'm not irritated at all. I just don't understand what you are hoping to accomplish here if you will not consider divorce as an option. If she knows she can do whatever she wants and you won't leave what is her incentive to stop?
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:43 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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We were married for 1.5 years when she had her first affair.

We both were talking about not doing a good job as husband and wife, either of us, and considering to consider divorce. It was mostly a talk we engage sometimes after the problems we had during our (yet) short marrige but other than that we were living in the same house, cooking, eating good food, watching a movie with wine or beer and going to bed together, doing almost everything together at the time. Life was easy, no kids, no health problems, we were financially good. We were working on our second college degrees. We were mostly enjoying what we have than despiseing it.

Frequency of sex was once a week then. For a 23 years old woman and 28 year old man I call it a sexless marriage.

It was a friday or saturday night. A male friend of my wife showed up around 09:00 pm. I saw him once before and she talked to him twice before I guess. He was more of a new acquitance then a friend to her.

He had asked my wife early that day that if she (and I, for not being too forward I guess) would like to join him and his friends to go to a club/disco that night. She said OK and it didn't seem too far off to me since we were in a college environment and partying/socializing was a good part of it.

I didn't want to join in that group because I was too busy with my work around that time. And they left after last time she asked me to go with them.

After about 02:00 am that night I started getting nervous. She wasn't back, I didn't know the guy well and any one in that group of people. I knew that, that club was closing at 02:00 am. It was a time before we had cell phones.

All I could do is to find his phone (he was living with his family) from the directory and talk to his mom very early in the morning.


She came back around 07:00 am next morning. She hugged me and started crying. She said she had sex with him.

I was'nt ready for that even after it was so appearent.

It turned out, there was not a group of people, just my wife and him and the friend of his to give them a ride to the club.

I guess even the guy was'nt expecting to score so quick, he didn't made any plans for a **** place. My wife payed for the no tell motel, I guess she dragged him there.

Seeing her taking off her fancy lingerie, which she only wears for a special occasion, getting ready to get in our bad and crying at the same time....... That was 18 years ago...... Time doesn't heal you if you are on the wrong medicine.....
So you really could have started here. Anything in your marriage that had ocurred after this was based on this episode. This may or may not have been her first time cuckolding you.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:51 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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Well if that is the case why is he posting here? It certainly sounds like he is accepting of her behavior. He is affectionate toward her. He is willing to stay married to someone who blatantly cheats and probably even got pregnant by one of her paramours. So apparently he is happy enough with the status quo that he's not willing to do anything about it. All I can say is good luck and I hope he is happy with no sex and a disrespectful s!ut wife.
Maybe just entertainment value. Playing with the TAM folks. Maybe not.
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:05 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Okay i would not be so inclined to think she Cheated if it was not for the fact that

1) she cheated on you before and had an affair before as you said

2) she has lied before

3) you accepted that it was okay for someone to cheat and have an affair and moved on.

Oh and you lived in a practically sexless marriage and than she said "heck i am probably already" pregnant.

^ that screams to me she had an affair got pregnant by another man found out about it than said "heck i am probably already pregnant" to make you think you got or will get her pregnant. Than all of a sudden she is pregnant. Her not telling you about the abortion till right after is likely do to her guilt and being unable to live with the fact its not your child.


^^^ this is just my take its very sad indeed corruption and the devil's poison has infected her but it can only infect you if you have that in you. I wish you best of luck and hope this is not the case but it all sounds very fishy.. I would not have assumed she had an affair until you mentioned all of that. At first i was just going to tell you that while i can understand you are sad it is her choice to get rid of the fetus and its not technically living until its born. I can understand lack of trust and all is now affected.
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:09 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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Maybe just entertainment value. Playing with the TAM folks. Maybe not.
yeah after reading around i think that is the case. I think that is the case honestly with a lot of stories on here obviously not most but i think a lot are honestly to troll as they have far far to many holes and there seems to be no logic at all ever used by the TS generally.

I will quit replying because i think its an obvious troll post.
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:22 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

I think he mentioned her "first" affair. More to the story still coming.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:14 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

I think people are jumping to conclusions too fast here. Let him finish the story here..
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:16 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

I think this guy ought to get into wife sharing. At least he'd be part of her, what seems to be, an active sex life.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:21 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am pissed of as never before.

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I think people are jumping to conclusions too fast here. Let him finish the story here..
I'm afraid its going to take 18 years to get off the dime.
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