First Post

AngryandUsed · 02-27-2012, 10:24 PM

First take care of yourself, OP.
When the thoughts of infidelity clog your mind, you are likely to get sick and depressed. The apetite will decrease terribly. The focus withers away.
Losing of weight is very much on the anvil.
Go and see your doctor, someone other than your family doctor.
Do a lot of workout, walk and spend time in reading good stuff.

Try to learn dealing with anger and depression. First.

Take care, buddy.

jnj express · 02-27-2012, 11:35 PM

Her demonizing of you, and putting the mge., down probably coincide with the start up/continuance of her A.

At this point she is almost like a bigamist

I think you would be best to move on thru the rest of your life w/out her----she surely isn't gonna get over him anytime soon, even if she did want to R---He is gonna be a cloud over your life---you don't need that.

ing · 02-28-2012, 12:16 AM

i can see myself in you. It is hard, if not impossible to believe that your wife has gone. It is soul crushing. All those years mean nothing. All that sacrifice and she throws you off the cliff. Your mind will/can't register it. It is not denial. You are aware it is happening, you are acting in the way you always acted. You are doing things, the way you always did to protect her.
She is counting on it. She is counting on you not being able to let go and will continue this affair for as long as she wants safe in the knowledge that you will take her back. This may or not be the case but that is pretty much what she will be thinking..

Entropy3000 · 03-01-2012, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go Time

Part 2

I started think that there was a good chance that there was someone else.

I want to remain vague about the details of my wife's work other than to say that she travels a lot with the same guy from work. I asked her about this and she said that it has to be him because he is an expert in the type of thing that they are working on. He is the person that I believe that she is involved with. I'll go ahead and call him the OM.

But how do I find out? I can't really say why but anything to do with computers or cell phones is out of the question. What I ended up doing is putting a GPS recorder in her car. After 3 weeks I took it out to see what was on there. It was an eye opener to say the least. It showed 4 trips to remote state game areas were the car was parked for hours at a time, one time 5 hours. One time as she was leaving the game area she sent me a text about how a bunch of people stayed to work late on a project and that she would be home in a little while. She then stopped at a bank, and then went to a restaurant X for a hour and a half. Nice.

I played it cool and acted like I didn't know anything was going on and put the unit back in the car. 2 weeks latter I took it out to read it again. During this two week time period my son and I had gone away for the weekend leaving her home alone. I was curious to see what had happened while we were gone. It showed 2 more trips to the same remote area and one trip to restaurant X but the real kicker was the weekend that she was home alone. She left our house Friday night and drove to a house on a nearby lake that used to belong to a relative of the OM until they passed away and now the house is vacant and for sale. She stopped there for 1 minute and then drove back home. Only one trip on Saturday to a nearby party store. Sunday morning shows a trip back to the same lake house with a 1 minute stop and then she drove back to our house, and then left a few hours latter and went into work. Wow.

I will read on but basically you have your answer.

Pretty much by the time someone gets the ILYBANILWY it is already far along. I would guess though that in many cases there is still something to be done about it. Affairs have to be engaged with urgency. It is chemical and can be escalated in days or hours dramaitcally. There is usually a lead up though to a critical mass.

Entropy3000 · 03-01-2012, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go Time

I drove out one night to restaurant X a few weeks ago when it was getting late and she wasn't home. It was dark when I pulled into the parking lot . I saw her car and a car that looked just like the OM's though I don't know his Lic # parked a few cars away. I drove back out and down the street to try and come up with a plan. I decided to drive past on the road again. When I did they were standing outside in front of there cars. Like I said it was dark but I'm 99% sure it was them. I continued down the road and pulled over to text her and ask if she was still working. She didn't respond. Finally got a text almost a hour and a half later saying that yes she was still working and was getting ready to leave.

My wife is currently gone on another work trip. I went to a lawyer and got the paper work started for a divorce. I want to confront her when she gets back in 2 weeks about it. Do you folks think that I have enough evidence? We are in a no fault state so it doesn't look like it would have any bearing on the divorce but I don't want her to come up with some wild story and leave doubts in my mind that I'm not doing the right thing.

I guess I would have engaged them right then and there. Yeah that would tip my hand.

Yes. Divorce her. She already told you she is not in love with you and the marriage is just a formality for the kids. You have no marriage. Let her go and move on.

Entropy3000 · 03-01-2012, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45

I utterly disagree with ya Momma. Cheating spouses and their APs need hard, tough sanctions for their infidelities. Exposing his wife to her workplace will send her a hard, embarrasing message that might just shock her out of her affair fog.

Like the others have stated, exposing the affair is the only way to knock out the support structures that each partner has erected to hide what they are doing.

I am sick, sick, sick to death of affair partners walking away from the devastation and ruin their actions have caused without any penalties whatsoever!

Yes, this should be exposed at work. I guess I value marriages way more than jobs. This is coming form a guy that puts a huge emphasis on his job.

Not hurting their careers!? What?

Entropy3000 · 03-01-2012, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happyman64

Actually if you need more evidence call her up at 1am. Get her on the phone. Then have his girlfriend right next to you call him on his cell. See if you hear his phone ring.

If you hear it, ask her why his phone is ringing in her room?

It is worth a shot.
Posted via Mobile Device

Nice

the guy · 03-04-2012, 03:15 PM

I like it, take your cell, call the OMGF, introduce your self and explain you will have your WW on the house phone soon, and to wait for you WW to pick up the call, then have OMGF call immidiatly as soon as she hears the word "hellow".

I think if you plan it all out you can do it all over the phones. You won't even have to meet up with the OMGF.

Granted there is a risk, that WW won't pick up and OMGF contacts her guy and spills the beans.