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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-26-2012, 09:38 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm Ready To Own What I've Done

Well you have committed one of the biggest sins out there and will be heavily judged by god for it. You can only be saved if you truly devote your life to god and except Jesus Christ and even than you will be heavily judged for what you have done and it is not guaranteed you will be forgiven for your sins.

You need to tell your husband i think you have already shown you are incapable of a consummate love and that you are to pleasure driven, and exhibit characteristics found in hedonistic and narcissistic people. You allowed another man inside you while you were in a marriage it is unacceptable the only thing you can rightfully do is try to get one with god. (if you do not believe in god) than that is fine however none the less you need to tell your husband of what you have done. I suggest you see a psychiatrist and a marriage counselor as your behavior is one that is not "healthy" or "normal" you are a cheater and you have the type of personality in you. Some people would never cheat no mater what it is not in their character. Other people all they need is justification to cheat and they will do it you are that person you needed to justify it and so you did.
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Old 02-26-2012, 09:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Comingclean View Post
Hi everyone,

I will not go back to him. I love my husband too much. I love my family too much.
^^ that is very hard to believe seeing how you engaged in the affair to begin with. I will basically tell you the straight up truth some people are incapable of living happy lives some people are incapable of being committed. I really think you should tell your husband you two should probably divorce honestly but that all depends on how he takes it. I am not sure how you two are but there are just a million reasons why i can explain and give you reasons hell i could find you stats and give you a number of other info in regards to why and how marriages always fail after one partner has cheated. If you two do manage to stay together after you tell him that is the very rare instances. However none the less you need to tell him it is not fair that you cheated on him.



You need to divorce your husband he likely does not deserve this unless he himself was a cheater. If he never did than he does not deserve the pain you caused. Its is absolutely disgusting how people take advantage of others and than commit wrong and than act as if it can all be better. It is not right that so many people feel they can live a life of sin and be corrupted by the devil's poison and than act like they are "done" and can all of a sudden change and deserve things good things to be done to them and deserve the old way things were. Your husband needs to know and i think you should divorce the statistics of marriages that are healthy and last after an affair prove my case and point my point can be further proven if you talk to any marriage counselor or lawyer who deals with divorce cases let alone people who cope with helping people through infidelity. Your need to divorce your husband because he does not deserve this and he does not deserve the pain you have caused and a cheating unfaithful wife who at the sight of a "attractive male with quick words" will give it up and betray her husband, mock her marriage, sin before god with one of the worst sins of all, and than return to her family as if it never happened. There is so much wrong that you need to see a marriage counselor and a individual counselor for your mental health. You are not stable if you think as you did think its okay to commit such acts. The lying the cheating the pleasure seeking and driven seeking lust filled ideology you harbored is just a repulsive insult to the intuition of marriage. Not only have you exhibited lack of commitment, lack of compassion lack of "True Love" lack of morals, lack of character lack of control, lack of what forthcoming would be you showed a lack of interest in your marriage.

How you managed to convince yourself to go along with such acts is what is really astounding and shows an obvious lack of a healthy mind. I highly suggest you see a psychiatrist and work out what your issues are. Also you did not "become" this person you have always been this person. The sooner you realize that you have always been this way the sooner you can get past it. One of the biggest mistakes people make is they try to act like they were not "really themselves" when they did wrong doing actions. That is preposterous you have always been like this and capable of such actions because if that was not the case than you would not have DONE set actions. Thus it leads me to come to the utter realization that you are not mentally healthy however do not blame these problems of your's your sinning on your mental health this is all 100% you. You 100% did this and you 100% did this through the same person you have been all these years. One does not simply because corrupted and filled with the devil's poison. A person does not simply cheat all of a sudden if they were truly a "loyal and good loving person" they do not simply cheat. It has to have a spark of past corruption past narcissistic behavior can spark it and allows you justification for your cheating affair. You let your out of whack and clearly twisted emotions and mind to lead you to infidelity which commenced through your previous behavior.


What i am trying to say in short is that you have always been this person and it needs to be addressed. A person of truly good faith does not do this they do not wake up and commit adultery they see the warning signs they see the corruption and they turn away from it. You embraced it and found justification for it that is what is truly unhealthy and is unhealthy to those around you as they likely might be learning and feeding off your energy. Narcissistic behavior is truly a problem you exhibited you found that your own importance was better than others and your pleasure lust driven among other things drive you to infidelity.

Last edited by Goldmember357; 02-26-2012 at 10:03 PM.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Goldmember357 View Post
Well you have committed one of the biggest sins out there and will be heavily judged by god for it. You can only be saved if you truly devote your life to god and except Jesus Christ and even than you will be heavily judged for what you have done and it is not guaranteed you will be forgiven for your sins.

I hope this is fake.

You need to tell your husband i think you have already shown you are incapable of a consummate love and that you are to pleasure driven, and exhibit characteristics found in hedonistic and narcissistic people. You allowed another man inside you while you were in a marriage it is unacceptable the only thing you can rightfully do is try to get one with god. (if you do not believe in god) than that is fine however none the less you need to tell your husband of what you have done. I suggest you see a psychiatrist and a marriage counselor as your behavior is one that is not "healthy" or "normal" you are a cheater and you have the type of personality in you. Some people would never cheat no mater what it is not in their character. Other people all they need is justification to cheat and they will do it you are that person you needed to justify it and so you did.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:11 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Lol its not

look i have seen much worst posts if you are not religious than that is fine and you can simply ignore that one post of mine. Nevertheless would you really deny that her behavior is the complete opposite of what a healthy marriage should be about?
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:22 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Here's the thing. You KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

When you first answered the email, first made the first phone call, you knew you would end up in bed together, because you wanted that so badly. You didn't listen to your husband, so now you are in a huge pickle, aren't you?.
I agree with Gab 100%. Personally Comingclean (interesting screen name btw) I think you're full of crap as evidenced by "So much had happened in my life and I needed to forgive him for the way I still felt about him." It's really like my Uncle Lonnie used to say, " The girl just couldn't forget how just looking at him made her wet her pants". What I believe you really want is to "confess" strongly suspecting he'll leave you and clear the way to your, "everything old is new again" boyfriend. I hate that most everybody believes he'll cave in and become a shell of a man. Hopefully, he's more like me and would help you be with the one you really want to be with; the boyfriend ( in the meantime, he'll be test driving a few newer models. )
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:33 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm Ready To Own What I've Done

Your betrayal was not a mistake but a series of bad choices. So if you choose to confess to your husband, don't you dare use the word "mistake" to refer to your betrayal.

Mistake: An act committed without any knowledge of a possible negative outcome.

Bad Choice: An act committed with awareness of the possible negative outcome but deciding to ignore it or hoping for the best.

Read the following to help you prepare to help your husband after you confess your betrayal.

"How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair"

#1 Stop lying or making excuses for your actions. If the victim spouse presents evidence of the affair, own up to it. You need to understand that the worst thing that could happen has already occurred. You were dishonest and unfaithful. Therefore, continuing to lie, twist, or deny is simply adding insult to injury. If you are looking your spouse in the eye and claiming to want the marriage to work then you cannot continue to lie about various odds and ends. You have been lying to your spouse for the entire duration of the affair; therefore, if you continue to lie now, it sets the reconciliation process way back. ''The victim spouse likely knows the answers to the questions they are asking, or can usually find out, so if you are interested in rebuilding trust in the relationship, '''STOP LYING'''.'' If your spouse discovers later - either on purpose or by accident - that you have lied about or left out salient details, they will likely never trust you again. Your only hope of regaining their trust is to give them the truth wholesale, and thus demonstrate your commitment to being honest with them, even about things that might hurt them. You are kidding yourself if you think you are protecting your spouse by "omitting" certain truths. If you had wanted to protect your spouse, you never would have allowed them to get hurt in the first place.

#2 Be around. While emotional availability in the days, weeks, and even months following the discovery of your affair is of the '''utmost importance''', keep in mind that ''you can only be emotionally available when you're around.'' Understand that, left alone, your spouse's thoughts will begin to eat away at them - they will have questions you are not there to answer, torment themselves with images you cannot dispel, and invent suspicions your absence will only worsen. ''Paranoia is only natural during this time''; in fact, it can hardly be called paranoia, as '''they are right to mistrust you - you have betrayed them deeply'''. Being around to answer their questions and soothe their thoughts will keep them from building up and causing future explosions down the road. If it is possible, this may be a good time to take some time away from your normal "alone" activities to spend with your spouse. If you can't be with them physically, keep your phone on whenever possible to answer their calls, and allow them as much access to you as they need. Depending on your spouse's temperament, you may need to respect their desire for time alone, but you need to keep ''yourself'' available to ''them.''

#3 DO NOT get defensive or assign blame. This is not the time to employ the old adage of “the best defense is a good offense.” This is the time to be contrite/regretful, remorseful, empathetic, compassionate, honest, and emotionally available. Do not say anything which will give the impression that the victim spouse drove you to cheat, or in any way contributed to your behavior. There will be plenty of time to pass the blame around later on during counseling sessions, or during times of productive conversation with your mate. Additionally, DO NOT waste time blaming the affair on anyone or anything else. DO NOT point the finger toward temptation, being under the influence or falling prey to a stalker or that he/she was someone that you came in contact with at work or via a friend. '''You should have no room for excuses anymore.''' Telling your spouse you did not realize what was happening is not only bogus, it devalues the victim spouse. The victim spouse will see right through these excuses and will view this as another attempt to keep them in the dark while you continue playing them for a fool. The best way to effectively deal with your spouse's anger, and start the process of rebuilding trust, is to ''take complete and full ownership of your own selfishness, immaturity, or basic destructive marital behavior.'' '''Remind yourself that it is quite possible that the victim spouse was enduring similar feelings of unhappiness or frustration, but instead made a conscious decision not to betray you.''

#4 Treat your spouse as if they are the very center of your world. While you should do this anyway, it is of ''monumental importance'' that you focus on this IMMEDIATELY following the discovery of the affair. This is a critical time in the recovery of your relationship; '''dedicate yourself to it.''' Being cheated on will make your spouse feel rejected, unimportant, and decidedly less than "special." Regardless of your reasons or given situation, your spouse will be under the rightful impression that you have chosen someone over them, which is a difficult thing for them to face after years of thinking they were the most important person in your life.'This is especially true if you were involved in a long term relationship.'Giving your spouse your full attention during this time will help them to regain the feelings of importance in your life, and will go a long way towards convincing them that you are unlikely to choose somebody over them again.'' If you can, also show and tell to other people and the world even more how much you care or love your spouse in order to help the victim spouse overcome all the humiliation and hurt this burden may have caused.

#5 CUT any and ALL possible ties with the other man/woman. Keeping a person in your life with whom you have had an affair is like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. Not only is this a confusing message to the other person, ''it is also EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL to your spouse.'' It does not matter if you have known this other man/woman since kindergarten, or have to see this person at work. It is time to break those ties. '''Do what you must to avoid any contact.''' Convincing yourself that you need to talk to them to 'break it off' only communicates that their feelings, not your spouse's, are what you are most concerned about. Once you have allowed another individual to permeate, invade or undermine your marital union, there is no place for this person in your life. ''You simply cannot expect your victim spouse to move past the affair as long as you continue communicating with, seeing, or having any type of relationship with this other man/woman.'' '''It is in fact an insult''' to the intelligence of your current spouse for you to say that you can maintain a professional, platonic, or otherwise innocent relationship with this ''destructive individual''. Furthermore, '''because this person had an affair with a married man/woman, most likely they have absolutely NO RESPECT for your marriage.''' Continuing to work with, hang out with, email or chat with this person is probably the single worst possible thing to do if you are wanting to repair your marriage.

#6 Your life MUST be an open book. ''You no longer have the '''luxury''' of coming and going as you please.'' Once you have ''abused'' that privilege, ''it takes a while and a whole lot of effort to get it back.'' Therefore, if you will be late coming home from work, or have had a change in plans, inform your spouse. Every time you leave the house your spouse is now wondering if you are going where you say you are going. The best way to ease their insecurities is to check in throughout the day. Invite your spouse places you usually go alone like to the game, the gym or the mall. Let your spouse know that you have nothing to hide. Additionally, do not hide your cell phone or set the ringer on silent. If your spouse requests, give them your email and voice mail pass codes. In fact, if you have nothing to hide then offer your spouse the codes without them having to ask. Don't lock your cell phone, call log or address book. Offer to let your spouse see your phone bills, and keep the credit card or bank statements in plain view on the kitchen table. ''Although your spouse may never choose to check these things, the simple fact that you made them available for his/her perusal will be a HUGE step in regaining their trust.'' Although you may feel as though some of these are a violation of your privacy, you need to know that these steps are absolutely NECESSARY if you are trying to rebuild trust. Saying that you are on the straight and narrow while continuing to hide your cell phone or spending is counterproductive to your stated goal of wanting to rebuild your marriage.

#7 Be prepared to answer any and all questions about information that your spouse has a legitimate right to know. Your spouse is going to want lots of details and ask questions about things you may not want to answer, but too bad. Your spouse is going to cross reference your prior stories and ask you to confirm if “this” or “that” was a lie. You simply need to fess up. ''The worse thing you can do is to conceal information because you don't want to hurt your spouse.'' Remember, they have already been '''hurt beyond belief''', so continuing to withhold additional information gives the appearance of an attempt to continue the ''deception''. Your spouse needs to get a general understanding of how intense the relationship was, and how long it lasted. Although this may be one of the most difficult steps in the process, it is one of the most important. It is extremely difficult for a betrayed spouse to know that there is another man/woman in the world who has more information about their marriage then themselves. That there are people that know about that relationship and may be talking about your marriage. Therefore, asking multiple questions helps the betrayed spouse get up to speed, thus obtaining necessary information to deal with feelings of being in the dark while their spouse was gallivanting or mooching around with their lover/relationship.

#8 '''Do not ever''' attempt to dictate the length of time the victim spouses recovery should take. You are the one who brought the outsider into the marriage, and therefore, '''you are in no position to dictate when the victim spouse should be “over it”.''' The truth of the matter is, the victim spouse will never fully be “over it”, but may simply learn how to mentally move past the affair. When a person is hurting, they typically share their pain with the closest person to them. As their spouse, you are the one they will vent to, even though it is you that caused the pain. Additionally, you may feel as though since you've confessed, apologized and vowed to remain faithful, things should now return to normal. That is simply NOT the case. '''One of the worst things that can happen is for the adulterous spouse to begin acting as though its “business as usual”.''' Deciding to remain in a relationship after your spouse has cheated is a '''Major decision''' and one which can be both '''very humiliating and enormously stressful.''' ''DO NOT downplay the GREAT MAGNITUDE of that decision by behaving as though nothing happened.'' '''For the next few years''', the adulterous spouse '''needs''' to periodically wrap their arms around their mate, kiss them, and THANK them for another chance. Additionally, 'acknowledge' how much you hurt your spouse, how difficult it must be for them to get over the pain, and '''vow to do whatever necessary to make things better…forever.''' Although it may seem as though such actions will revive the pain, that is simply not the case. ''Acknowledging the degree of pain you put your spouse through, and expressing appreciation for another chance'', gives the victim spouse the impression that you not only are mindful of their pain, but that as long as you are aware of their struggle to overcome the ordeal, you will be less likely to make such awful choices again in the future.

#9 Choose your battles wisely. Keep in mind that now is not necessarily the time to pick fights over certain topics, particularly those related to privacy and possessiveness. Your spouse is feeling betrayed and frightened; it is only natural for them in this state to project those fears onto situations that bear (in their mind) any resemblance to your affair. If a random stranger flirts with you, or buys you a drink at a bar, and your spouse becomes agitated, remember that your spouse has an '''understandable right''' to this possessiveness; you have shaken their feelings of security in the relationship, and it is openness and understanding that will gain this back, not combativeness and arguments. ''Rather than angrily asserting your rights, you will do much better to gain their trust by assuring them of their importance to you and soothing their bruised ego and wounded heart with compliments and understanding.''

#10 '''Do not''' behave inappropriately or create future problems. Don't put yourself in situations which will cause your victim spouse undue stress. Putting your friends before your spouse, joining singles website, spending time with friends of opposite sex, or available singles, and forming relationships with them, is certainly not wise. Even with work relationships keep the conversations to a minimum, remember that this is how relationships begin or cross messages are sent. ''It is extremely selfish and disrespectful to your spouse.'' Additionally, make your spouse aware when you anticipate coming into contact with the other man/woman. If you suspect the other man/woman might be at the holiday party, let your spouse know in advance. Also, if you run into, or have contact with, the other man/woman unexpectedly, let your spouse know as soon as possible. Nothing is worse than finding out about contact with the other man/woman that the victim spouse did not know about. It gives the impression of further secrecy and deception. Trust me, it won't hurt your spouse to know the other man/woman is contacting you as much as it will hurt them to discover you hid that information. ''Believe me, during this time of broken trust, full disclosure is always the best route.''

#11 Use this '''opportunity''' to create a new relationship with your spouse. Be open to opportunities to bring each other closer together. Remember that your spouse now views your relationship as broken, and they're right to think so. The key, then, is to forge a new relationship in as many ways as possible. '' Finding new places to spend time and share activities together will help this.'' Make sure that he or she and everyone around you (i.e.family, friends, children) can see that your spouse means the world to you and is NOW being put first in your life. '''Speak highly of your spouse in a genuine way, being careful to protect their reputation when you speak to others'''--talking badly about them behind their backs is ''not only a BIG MISTAKE but also BAD BEHAVIOR'' (it may also reflect badly on you as their spouse). You and your spouse (and your children) are one family that must always protect, support, and lift each other up all the time especially from strangers and NOT the other way around. This may even be an opportunity, in the fullness of time and once the recovery process is very well on its way, to renew your wedding vows. Help your partner to see that you have created something new, stronger, and therefore not threatened by the sins of your past or the likelihood of future infidelities.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:37 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Really - then tell your husband tonight.

tell your husband he can have the kids and the house - and that you are truly an awful wife, and you will take nothing from him in the divorce.

call the OM's GF and whatever and tell her.

call your family and tell them.


then ask your husband how you can begin to earn the chance to have a second chance at becoming his wife and second chance at becoming a good mom.

Right now you have given up any right to be with your family. That you will have to grovel and fight for.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:39 PM   #23 (permalink)
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^^ that is very hard to believe seeing how you engaged in the affair to begin with. I will basically tell you the straight up truth some people are incapable of living happy lives some people are incapable of being committed. I really think you should tell your husband you two should probably divorce honestly but that all depends on how he takes it. I am not sure how you two are but there are just a million reasons why i can explain and give you reasons hell i could find you stats and give you a number of other info in regards to why and how marriages always fail after one partner has cheated. If you two do manage to stay together after you tell him that is the very rare instances. However none the less you need to tell him it is not fair that you cheated on him.



You need to divorce your husband he likely does not deserve this unless he himself was a cheater. If he never did than he does not deserve the pain you caused. Its is absolutely disgusting how people take advantage of others and than commit wrong and than act as if it can all be better. It is not right that so many people feel they can live a life of sin and be corrupted by the devil's poison and than act like they are "done" and can all of a sudden change and deserve things good things to be done to them and deserve the old way things were. Your husband needs to know and i think you should divorce the statistics of marriages that are healthy and last after an affair prove my case and point my point can be further proven if you talk to any marriage counselor or lawyer who deals with divorce cases let alone people who cope with helping people through infidelity. Your need to divorce your husband because he does not deserve this and he does not deserve the pain you have caused and a cheating unfaithful wife who at the sight of a "attractive male with quick words" will give it up and betray her husband, mock her marriage, sin before god with one of the worst sins of all, and than return to her family as if it never happened. There is so much wrong that you need to see a marriage counselor and a individual counselor for your mental health. You are not stable if you think as you did think its okay to commit such acts. The lying the cheating the pleasure seeking and driven seeking lust filled ideology you harbored is just a repulsive insult to the intuition of marriage. Not only have you exhibited lack of commitment, lack of compassion lack of "True Love" lack of morals, lack of character lack of control, lack of what forthcoming would be you showed a lack of interest in your marriage.

How you managed to convince yourself to go along with such acts is what is really astounding and shows an obvious lack of a healthy mind. I highly suggest you see a psychiatrist and work out what your issues are. Also you did not "become" this person you have always been this person. The sooner you realize that you have always been this way the sooner you can get past it. One of the biggest mistakes people make is they try to act like they were not "really themselves" when they did wrong doing actions. That is preposterous you have always been like this and capable of such actions because if that was not the case than you would not have DONE set actions. Thus it leads me to come to the utter realization that you are not mentally healthy however do not blame these problems of your's your sinning on your mental health this is all 100% you. You 100% did this and you 100% did this through the same person you have been all these years. One does not simply because corrupted and filled with the devil's poison. A person does not simply cheat all of a sudden if they were truly a "loyal and good loving person" they do not simply cheat. It has to have a spark of past corruption past narcissistic behavior can spark it and allows you justification for your cheating affair. You let your out of whack and clearly twisted emotions and mind to lead you to infidelity which commenced through your previous behavior.


What i am trying to say in short is that you have always been this person and it needs to be addressed. A person of truly good faith does not do this they do not wake up and commit adultery they see the warning signs they see the corruption and they turn away from it. You embraced it and found justification for it that is what is truly unhealthy and is unhealthy to those around you as they likely might be learning and feeding off your energy. Narcissistic behavior is truly a problem you exhibited you found that your own importance was better than others and your pleasure lust driven among other things drive you to infidelity.
I fail to see how any of that is useful to the OP. Spewing hate filled messages with nothing but name calling doesn't bring anything to the table.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:43 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I've been married to my husband for 15 years and we have three awesome kids! I have a very good life. I know that.



Anyway, I couldn't let it die. So much had happened in my life and I needed to forgive him for the way I still felt about him. I needed to close that chapter in my book. I emailed him and told him I'd like to hear how he was doing.

I broke it off with him many times, because I want my marriage back, I want my family together. I want my life back. And then I'd go back.


I'm here because I want to be held accountable. I want to come here when I'm feeling weak and want to go back to OM and you to tell me to get my crap together.

I also need guidance on what to do. I don't know how to get through this, what to tell my husband, how to get back to my old self. I liked her much better than what I've become.
First be honest here - each step you willing chose to take. At each step you chose to toss your family into the gutter so you could cheat. You didn't love them, you only selfishly thought of yourself.

So what has really changed here? Why have you suddenly decided that the lovely lie you have been putting over on them isn't working out for you? Has your husband gotten wise and started pulling away and checking out other women? Have your kids seen the way you act and now treat you with contempt and disrespect?

Do these words make you want to defend yourself and your choices? To justify them? Because if they do - you honestly aren't going to come clean , because you do not yet own what you've done.

Instead of stopping the affair and coming clean to your husband - you've posted here, hoping that strangers could some how off a get out jail card that would make it possible for you not to suffer the consequences you are due.

sorry, but you need to talk to your husband, you need to humble yourself to him and you family.

you also need to expose the OM to anyone who will listen for the piece of living junk that he is.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:48 PM   #25 (permalink)
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a final thing - you're not weak towards the OM. It's not that you have a sickness, or an illness. It's that you continue to choose yourself selfishly over your so called family.

Look - I'm not trying to just be nasty here. I AM trying to get you to honestly look at yourself and your choices and own them. Don't hide behind romance and talk - own it like you said in your post.

If you truly own it - then tell your husband outright and throw yourself to his mercy. Be prepared for a h3ll of a ride and anger from him for a while - and realize that it is his right and due to very angry and even hateful of you and what you choose to do.

If you actual do love him - this is your chance, for the first time in 2 years, to actually show him that you do.

And DO NOT TRICKLE TRUTH him. Tell him the whole story the first time. Answer every question and every detail he asks.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:49 PM   #26 (permalink)
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And the OP hasn't come back
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:51 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I fail to see how any of that is useful to the OP. Spewing hate filled messages with nothing but name calling doesn't bring anything to the table.
I totally agree.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:18 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm Ready To Own What I've Done

Tell your husband. Real intimacy cannot abide secrets of this magnitude. It will also help you to get this man out of your system. Part of the allure is secrecy.

You have already hurt your family. Now it is time to let them know why and to atone. Your husband has a right to know and a right to decide if he wants to stay with you.

Tell him it is the only way. Get tested for STD's and have your husband do the same.

This man is a deceptive selfish person. It is likely that he has had other affairs and may even have had an affair while seeing you.

He apparently hurt you once why would you give him a second chance. If you think that he will continue with you if you divorce I think you fool yourself.

You are OK to stabilize his marriage but he will not leave his wife for you.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:32 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm Ready To Own What I've Done

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Originally Posted by CantSitStill View Post
Wow you sound exactly like me..I did the same thing..your story is my story, only difference is it never got physical but was definately emotional..i broke it off too, came back, same thing. It was like an addiction..we texted and talked daily. Well I finally blurted it out to hubby, he insisted I quit contact imediately. I refused and told him I wanna date him! Hubby kicked me out. I lived back and forth with my 2 sisters. Well a few days later I lost it..had a bad nevous breakdown..was really gonna check in the mental hospital. My husband rescued me..fed me, took me home after goin.g on no sleep. I've been back a month and we are working on. our marriage. Thank God! I blocked the ex from cell phones..did no contact letter and have been honest to hubby with all the hard questions..Got the ex out of my system, got that closure but boy do I wish I never would have facebooked the ex..What a rollercoaster and mess I made with hubby of 20 years!
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I agree with Can'tSitStill. Her posts seem to be the most encouraging on this thread. I would echo her in saying that you can do this!!! Complete honesty (from here on out) is what will eventually heal this marriage and help restore the trust.

Many marriages are destroyed by affairs, but there are also many marriages that are able to overcome the effects of an affair and be incredibly strong. You willing to talk to your husband and be comepletely honest is the first (and hardest) step.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:36 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm Ready To Own What I've Done

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Many marriages are destroyed by affairs, but there are also many marriages that are able to overcome the effects of an affair and be incredibly strong. You willing to talk to your husband and be comepletely honest is the first (and hardest) step.
Yeah, some marriages do survive, but its rare that they end up stronger.
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