Yeah, I'm back. Thanks for all the helpful input. I don't have anyone's names figured out yet or who said what, etc...
Update: I've been having the hardest struggle in myself the last few days. Yesterday I cried and I mean cried. I feel like **** for what I've done to my family, especially my husband. He's such a good man. The best, in fact. I am such a dirt bag and don't deserve my great life.
I haven't told my husband, yet. I guess that just proves what a ***** I am. I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday. I want to talk it out with her first. I think you are all right, though and I need to tell my husband.
I cut off all ties with the OM long before I posted here. I still haven't contacted him. I don't even want him back. Why? Because I want my family. I was being totally selfish. I was buying into what OM was telling me. I'm such an idiot. I don't know why I'm so fickle. I get this way with my friends, too, I buy into what they say and start following along. I've ****ed up so many friendships in my life because of that.
I don't want my kids to be from a broken home. I fear the worst when I tell my husband. I know what I've done is unforgivable. I know I don't deserve to be a wife and mother. But do my kids deserve to not have a mother? To not have a home with a mother and father in it????
Glad to see you back ComingClean. You are correct, you absolutely need to tell your husband, let him get tested for STD's as well as yourself, and it is in his hands then. There are some excellent tips on this site to help guide you through what you should be doing to help him heal, should be choose to remain married, or attempt reconciliation.
Don't be suprised if he doesn't seem to know. He may want to work it out one minute and the next he may hate you. It kinda rotates and spirals.
Your kids are definitely something you should have thought about before this, but you can't un-ring a bell. Don't use them as a reason to not be honest with your husband.
The more time you wait to tell him about this affair, the worse it will be on him. I didn't find out until 18 months later, and it was like everything that happened during that time was a lie. Because I was not an equal partner in my marriage due to his lying, the recovery was a lot harder on me. Be aware of that, and don't waste time trying to justify lying to him. Best of luck, and keep gathering information on what you can do once he knows.