I remember the night Hubs left (no OW) and I didn't beg or plead...I just said, "Ok, if this is what you need to do, then I support it."
The look on his face was priceless. I think that was the MOMENT that turned it back into something good even though we had to go through some shet along the way.
i was worried about him, worried about us, wasn't aware of MY issues at that moment, but...I knew if I dind't let him go, he'd run further and faster than he already was.
Thanks to everyone who posted (except those making landscaping jokes -- f' you guys).
Deep down I guess I knew the answers most of you have given me, I just wanted there to be some kind of hope that there might have been different answers.
It's so strange. When I consider by myself whether it makes sense to create a secret e-mail account and arrange a secret meeting in order to tell someone that you don't want them in your life anymore, I always say "Hell no. That makes no sense at all."
But I swear, when I tell her the same thing ("that makes no sense") she has this way of turning it around to make me question whether I am acting paranoid and making all of this up in my head. She has even told me that she is "not going to admit to doing something she didn't do just to just to make me feel better about the things I've conjured up in my own head."
Same thing with confronting her about intending to leave a marriage of10 years and four kids over a guy that she hadn't so much as kissed. She just says "Well, I didn't leave." and expects me to just accept what she says at face value.
When I asked her about what he still has of yours, I can feel in my gut that she would rather do anything in the world than tell me the answer to that question. Her response is ridiculous and I'm glad others have confirmed that I am not a "paranoid *******" for thinking so.
She tells me she loves me. I want to believe it but deep down my gut won't let me forget about these things.
I want more than anything to save this marriage for my own sake and the sake of my kids but you just can't have an intimate and meaningful relationship with someone who doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth.
If I file for D, she is going to tell everyone that I am crazy and I have no real proof otherwise other than my suspicion. This is terrible.
If I file for D, she is going to tell everyone that I am crazy and I have no real proof otherwise other than my suspicion.
You do not need to prove anything more to file for divorce. You can prove enough already.
You just need to tell them that she admitted to an EA. Admitted to going to his house, but claims no sex. Promised to cut off all contact. Broke that promise and setup a secret email account to continue contact with the OM. And finally scheduled a secret meeting with the OM. Tell them that based in this you have no choice but to file for divorce, because you do not want to live the rest of your life in a marraige where there is anther man and where you cannot trust your wife. Trust me, no one will call you crazy.
She is trying to gaslight you into thinking that you are crazy. According to Wiki gaslighting is when “information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory or perception”. It comes from a play later made into a movie where the husband manipulated his wife in this way. Trust yourself. You are not crazy and nobody but your wife will think so when presented with just the facts that you already know for sure.
You do not need to prove anything more to file for divorce. You can prove enough already.
You just need to tell them that she admitted to an EA. Admitted to going to his house, but claims no sex. Promised to cut off all contact. Broke that promise and setup a secret email account to continue contact with the OM. And finally scheduled a secret meeting with the OM. Tell them that based in this you have no choice but to file for divorce, because you do not want to live the rest of your life in a marraige where there is anther man and where you cannot trust your wife. Trust me, no one will call you crazy.
She is trying to gaslight you into thinking that you are crazy. According to Wiki gaslighting is when “information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory or perception”. It comes from a play later made into a movie where the husband manipulated his wife in this way. Trust yourself. You are not crazy and nobody but your wife will think so when presented with just the facts that you already know for sure.
The affair is not currently happening (as far as I know). We are working on our marriage but this latest episode has not helped my trust at all.
She tells me that I'm making all of this up in my head. I literally have no one else to ask about this stuff so I came here. I can't talk to anyone I know because I am just so ashamed.
To answer your question. When the affair was happening there was no sex. Zero. None. During the NC period, sex has been frequent and good.
This is called gaslighting.
She may or may not have had sex with him. But the key is that if she did not she was planning to and was choosing him over you.
Please tell me you did not agree for them to meet again. That totally invalidates going NC. Her withdrawal is not complete. Her commitment is not complete. She is willing to go underground. In facy if they met in the store and a message like this was passed where she is willing to eet him, she is back into again.
Quote:
Although she did admit to visiting his house on one occasion to "see the landscaping."
I missed this. Yes it went physical and it is called manscaping.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
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Re: What is the likelihood of a PA? 
