I have a keylogger on our home computer. Thankfully I haven't seen anything really bad.
However.. I did see something that he was trying to do, against my wishes. Not cheating, but still. I tried to confront him on it initially, and he lied about it. He swore that was something he'd never do. Then he did it again.
So.. I'm kind of furious. Should I say something and risk him figuring out that there's a keylogger at home?
As far as I know, he hasn't cracked the password yet (so no changes to it or to the last modified date). So I don't know how I'd have any knowledge of him copying it to his work computer.
His story changes from time to time, or he has trouble remember things.. so we're both writing down our own versions of the affair, using bank statements, IM logs, timeclock punches, whatever.. to back up what we know. Then we'll compare them, see where he's lying or what he hasn't told me yet.. and so on. We may do a polygraph, and the examiner could test him on the timeline (I've talked the the guy, he suggested that).
First observation - he's still lying, and even still trying to cheat, by looking at your timeline.
Suggestion: copy your timeline to a disc or print it out and delete it, so he will not have access - then when you compare them it will be an "honest" comparison.
Me - I wouldn't say anything and see how much deeper he wants to dig. THEN I'd confront him...
That-Girl's suggestion of telling him about an email notification about the password may work, however, if he's computer savvy, it may backfire - as he may know that notifications would not be sent... It may be enough to scare him from trying anymore, though. :P Posted via Mobile Device
At this point it seems obvious he's not 100% in this reconciliation. This would be grounds for termination of the project for one, and the marriage, second. He just needs to be honest and not try to just reveal what he thinks you already know. Assuming responsibility and becoming transparent is what people who honestly want to reconcile do. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wonder what he would say if you told him you weren't doing the timeline anymore and wanted to separate? Posted via Mobile Device
deena, your husband is just about the sneakiest WS I've heard of. He's truly dangerous.
I'm not sure I follow. No, he's not the picture of a remorseful WS, that's for sure. But dangerous? Maybe I'm taking a different meaning from that word.
Yes, he is sneaky. That's a fact. FWIW, he did admit to it without me prompting him on the specifics (silence seems to work wonders to get him to confess). His very flawed reasoning was that he was worried he'd forget something, and didn't want me to 'trap' him in what wasn't a lie, but just a forgetting.. so he thought he'd look to see what I'd written. Wrong? Yes. Obviously the man has huge issues.
But I've heard of way sneakier WSes. Reconciliation was already off the table for another reason, but this has definitely made it very unlikely that we'd be able to reconcile any time soon. We were already planning on doing a polygraph to answer some issues, but I think I might move that forward so I can decide whether I want him out of the house NOW or whether he can just sleep on the couch for a few months. My main questions would be, 1) Still cheating? 2) Was the EA also a PA? and 3) Are there any OW I don't know about?