Good, when she ask the big question "what can I do" then you responde to this by informing her that she has made an unhealthy choice and she needs to find out why. And its not about you, she didn't grow up think and telling her self, as a little girl that she was going grow up to be an adultor and a cheat, some how she got sucked into something that she lost control of. An individual behavior that *she* needs to address. its really as simple as " why do I have a lack of boundries in my marriage and why do I put my self in a unhealthy situation for my marriage?". I wonder if she will ever ask this question of her self?
You really can't control this, it an understanding....a self aware ness that she must make to have healthy relationships in the future...with or with out you.
Your job right now is letting go of the marriage and let her make her own choice in what she want to do to fix her self. Bottom line is she can't fix a damb thing until she fixes her self.
You can forgive her and you can stay with her, but right now its about her and what she wants to do to own this and what she wants to do to fix it. Its my opinion that the step you took was the final straw and yes you knew this was going to finish this marriage, it is her that can make the healthy choice in getting her marriage back! See were I'm coming from? See the perception you could have? The exposure to OMW is a staement that tells your WW that you will not tolorate this behavior and he the marriage is done if she continues.
This is just something to think about and at the end of the day it is only just my $0.02 and an additude I have that has work for me and a few other guys here at TAM/CWI.
You will get your wife back, if you want her back---Hold your line---once she starts thinking about life on her own, she will dance to a different tune real quick---she doesn't wanna be labeled as a divorced, single, mother of 2, out on her own----but you do not roll over for her
She does all the heavy lifting---it is she that has to work her way back into the family---stay strong, stay tall
guys they could be hunchback and ciclops, its what they say and validate to our wives that make them attractive. Get it?
I'm talking about a weak person that can be munipulated when they are at ther lowest.... a person with out boundries. But a person that can be validated by the stinkest, ughlest, unemployed, lots of baggage kind of person that can be with a married person b/c " they understand them"
That how it is...it not you its our spouse, our weak spouses!
If OM is 63 and your WW is 41 and she knows she has no future with him, then:
OM will throw your WW under the bus in an attempt to save his marriage.
That's usually how it plays out in these situations. She may try to come back to the marriage, or she may not. Only time will tell.
But I would say if she tries coming back,, it would be hard to take her back knowing she is only there because OM didn't want her. I sure wouldn't want to feel second choice.
But I would say if she tries coming back,, it would be hard to take her back knowing she is only there because OM didn't want her. I sure wouldn't want to feel second choice.
I know. That's the most difficult decision, how do you know if they are coming back because the OP didn't want them anymore and you are the back up plan, or if they come back because they really want to make it work. That's why I think no one should rush into R.
Very true ,, I've been struggling for almost 6 months to see if I could forgive my H,,, and in light of new information I just heard 2 days ago.. I am now posting in the "considering divorce forum". I'm sure in a few months I will graduate to "going through divorce"
No R for us.
I wasn't so much as second choice as much as I guess when he met me I had "sucker" wrote on my forehead.
It isn't about age, guys. It is about a warped sense of reality. She thinks he is her soulmate. There is absolutely no physical attraction here, an she wouldn't be picking me as a second choice, she has always been clear that she wants to stay in the marriage. She says they are friends and she "cares" for him. Posted via Mobile Device
It isn't about age, guys. It is about a warped sense of reality. She thinks he is her soulmate. There is absolutely no physical attraction here, an she wouldn't be picking me as a second choice, she has always been clear that she wants to stay in the marriage. She says they are friends and she "cares" for him. Posted via Mobile Device
Ah. The "soulmate" crap.
You ARE the second choice. You should be her soulmate, the man she MARRIED and VOWED to spend the rest of her life with, forsaking ALL OTHERS. That's what marriage is, becoming one individual. There is no room for a 3rd party in any marriage. Of course she wants to stay in the marriage. She's a typical cake eating cheater. She wants the security of marriage, but be able to love someone else.
If she thinks OM is her soulmate, then it's only a matter of time before she starts fishing for renewed contact.
i'd dump her for screwin' an old geezer, alone.(no offense)
Dang folks, old geezers need love to. Anyway you cut it though a 63 yo guy and a 41 yo girl sounds better to me than a 41 yo guy and 63 yo girl. Hell, at my age, a 55 yo woman is a young chick.
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Re: Just told OMW 
