File for divorce, do NOT move out if you have kids (don't know your story cos you are creating multiple threads). Follow calif_hope's advice. Either way it goes, you will be becoming a better, happier person. And read No More Mr Nice Guy.
I am starting to see some willingness to work with me, but all the classic signs are still there.
She doesn't want to give me access to her phone, because it is "her business".
She continues to minimize my feelings - suggesting that I am reading too much into the situation because I am reading too many online articles and books.
She continues to suggest that the affair was a result of poor communication between us.
She continues to be angry with me because I revealed to OMW.
I read a longish article from MarriageBuilders.com on how to recover from an affair. She says it is one person's opinion and that I am insisting on my path back, and it is too narrow.
She has escalated on several fronts - she took my computer, moved money around etc.
I am sure you guys will see no remorse in any of this. Any positive signs here?
Also, 180 has been going well, as hard as it is. I do keep failing the "don't argue, walk away" bit. I keep getting sucked into long discussions. I have learned to keep my cool while she has continued to be emotionally unpredictable. How do I learn to stay away from these discussions?
Nothing on that list shows a WILLINGNESS to work with you.
The sheer fact she won't own the affair, minimizes your feeling and especially NOT sharing her phone with you says she is not into your marriage.
hard consequences. That's the only thing that will work. Unless you want to tolerate someone who is prob not remorseful about betraying you/your marriage/your family.
And no. There are no positives in your list.
WHY THE F did you let her TAKE your computer? Move money around? This woman does not have your best interest. She sounds like a nut. An unrepentant nut.
Yuck.
Why are you putting up with this?
::SMACK:: This me me slapping some sense into you. Man up, dude.
She took my computer when I wasn't at home. Not sure what she plans to do with it - likely trying to get at what I know about OM's previous A. She doesn't want the OMW to know about them.
She is so irrational right now, she doesn't even have her own interests in mind - much less mine.
Is it ever too early to file? I know I sound like I am desperate to stay married, but I haven't found peace re. the kids. I am continuing to 180. Separating accounts. She says she is moving out next week. I said good. She equated my snooping on her and lying about not telling OMW to her affair.
LISTEN UP and listen well: DO NOT beg her to stay with you. AT ALL. It's the worst thing you could do.
She is saying she's moving out next week? You better freeze your bank accounts before she runs off w/ all of it.
Tell her: "Give me my computer back. If you want to leave, I won't try to make you stay. You have btrayed our marriage as well as someone else's. I am not sure I want to be married to you."
HARD CONSEQUENCES.
Never ever EVER chase a dog that is running away from you.
To be clear. I am not asking her to stay. I have said that I will not file for two months, just to give myself time. That doesn't mean I am waiting for her to come back.
As for freezing accounts - she really cannot do much. I have statements going back years. And she can take the cash, but there are physical assets that will more than make up for what she can move around. I have talked to an attorney about this.
I have made it clear that a complete NC, with full transparency is the only way to an R. She is reluctant to go there. I cannot make it any clearer. I have also insisted that R includes proper MC. I have told her that all these things still doesn't guarantee that I will want to stay married to her ass. We will see.
I have made it clear that a complete NC, with full transparency is the only way to an R. She is reluctant to go there. I cannot make it any clearer. I have also insisted that R includes proper MC. I have told her that all these things still doesn't guarantee that I will want to stay married to her ass. We will see.
If she won't do those things, then you have your answer.
I am sorry for your pain but can assure you, it does get better.
To be clear. I am not asking her to stay. I have said that I will not file for two months, just to give myself time. That doesn't mean I am waiting for her to come back.
As for freezing accounts - she really cannot do much. I have statements going back years. And she can take the cash, but there are physical assets that will more than make up for what she can move around. I have talked to an attorney about this.
I have made it clear that a complete NC, with full transparency is the only way to an R. She is reluctant to go there. I cannot make it any clearer. I have also insisted that R includes proper MC. I have told her that all these things still doesn't guarantee that I will want to stay married to her ass. We will see.
To be clear. I am not asking her to stay. I have said that I will not file for two months, just to give myself time. That doesn't mean I am waiting for her to come back.
I think you should file now and stop the proceedings if you wish later
I would suggest that there are times when its "too late" to file and get the desired result. (ie; fog clearing / power shifting / I mean business) but never to early...
This process is Loooooooooooooooong, at any point you can change directions and cancel or pause the divorce process if genuine reconciliation seems to be possible...
File.
*AR... great minds think alike but some type faster than others. lol. well played.
Quit spending so much time at home. Join a gym and work out until late three or four nights a week. Work later at your job. Take your son on field trips every Saturday and spend Sundays going through your belongings and getting rid of crap you don't need. As long as she is there taking care of your son I don't see why you have to be so accessible to her. The less time you spend around her the fewer occasions she has to back you up against the wall. Ignore her. Quit engaging with her. Posted via Mobile Device
i have been reading your post and i think iam a practical person. in my humble opinion your wife is not acting like she is truely sorry nor does she seem to fully grasp or care about your feelings she sounds gone. now my question for you is what do you want to do?
and the harder question is what do i need to do? i get the sense that she may feel that you will not leave her, i also feel that you need to do something drastic and pull that rug umderneath her so she can get off that high horse of hers. dont bluff just bluff make a plan for yourself and execute it.
dont tell her anything else you plan on doing you have to protect yourself this is survivor mode. i think either she should go or you can
should leave if you feel comfortable and only if it wont hurt
in the process. good luck. kris.
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Re: Told the OMW, update 
