Finally, my WW has been very touchy about info about a prev A the OM had. She says she shared that detail with me in confidence, and that it would betray her trust in me (I know, I know) if I shared it. However, one or two of her texts to OM mention the previous A. Do I remove that part? Or let the **** fly?
Sharing the logs is not sharing what your wife told you in confidence. You got those on your own, so share them with the OMW without a second thought.
Also, ask your wife exactly how many times she has betrayed your trust in her over the last few months? You owe her nothing when it comes to the OM. In fact you owe her less than nothing.
Sharing the logs is not sharing what your wife told you in confidence. You got those on your own, so share them with the OMW without a second thought.
Also, ask your wife exactly how many times she has betrayed your trust in her over the last few months? You owe her nothing when it comes to the OM. In fact you owe her less than nothing.
And not only that, but if you think about it, in a round about way thrway214's wife is also protecting her OM's other affair partner... the other other woman!!!
"I have said that I will not file for two months."
She will not start to work this out with you until you file. She is used to you backing down and expects you to cave. You're just putting yourself through two more months of limbo than you have to. File right away and save yourself two months of pain. She is acting out like a child right now. First she tries being nice, then she tries screaming, then irrational arguments. Like dealing with your kids when they're trying to get their way.
She's not ready for you to file. She'd like more time to prepare herself or to try to find a way to preempt you. That's why the time is now. Don't give her two more months to figure out a way to play you. I think she's better at this game than you are.
Personally I would file if she moves out. Her moving is an excuse to make herself more available to the OM. If she want to stay and work on the marriage you might wait to file but if she moves have her served in her new apartment the next day or asap. That will show her you are serious and maybe snap her out of the fog she's in.
I am starting to see some willingness to work with me, but all the classic signs are still there.
She doesn't want to give me access to her phone, because it is "her business".
She continues to minimize my feelings - suggesting that I am reading too much into the situation because I am reading too many online articles and books.
She continues to suggest that the affair was a result of poor communication between us.
She continues to be angry with me because I revealed to OMW.
I read a longish article from MarriageBuilders.com on how to recover from an affair. She says it is one person's opinion and that I am insisting on my path back, and it is too narrow.
She has escalated on several fronts - she took my computer, moved money around etc.
I am sure you guys will see no remorse in any of this. Any positive signs here?
Also, 180 has been going well, as hard as it is. I do keep failing the "don't argue, walk away" bit. I keep getting sucked into long discussions. I have learned to keep my cool while she has continued to be emotionally unpredictable. How do I learn to stay away from these discussions?
Doesn't sound like you understand the 180 at all. You don't discuss the relationship until she wants to reconcile. The way you avoid arguing is you smile disdainfully ,turn your back and walk away.
She took your computer ? Take her car keys. Take her cell phone. Hell take her hair brush.
Think instead of react.
Read the 180 over and over until you get it. By now you should only be discussing kids, bills, business etc.
Man up or be a doormat in front of your kids. Right now she has you out gunned, out thought and out played.
I disagree with the other posters in that I would only give info to OM's wife about Om's affair with your wife. You want OM's wife to help you break up their affair NOT break up their marriage. If they divorce it gives OM no reason not to pursue your wife. You can always hold the other info over your wifes head.
I disagree with the other posters in that I would only give info to OM's wife about Om's affair with your wife. You want OM's wife to help you break up their affair NOT break up their marriage. If they divorce it gives OM no reason not to pursue your wife. You can always hold the other info over your wifes head.
Alls fair in love and war.
That is an idea, Chap. But there is NO future with OM. She knows that, even in her fog. She just wants his soulful companionship. She thinks they were made for each other in some other dimension. I am laughing as I type this. At this point, I put the chances of my marriage surviving at under 5%. So, why the f.ck not? I am going to send the whole package. Let him spend some time in the **** I am
living. Posted via Mobile Device
Please remember, that even as foggy as my WW is right now, I am hoping to kiss up to her enough that she will let me still hang around her and maybe get a kiss or two from her at some point in the future.
That is an idea, Chap. But there is NO future with OM. She knows that, even in her fog. She just wants his soulful companionship. She thinks they were made for each other in some other dimension. I am laughing as I type this. At this point, I put the chances of my marriage surviving at under 5%. So, why the f.ck not? I am going to send the whole package. Let him spend some time in the **** I am
living. Posted via Mobile Device
Always do what you think is best, unfortunately, we can't help you clean up the mess whenever the sh!t hits the fan.
I disagree with the other posters in that I would only give info to OM's wife about Om's affair with your wife. You want OM's wife to help you break up their affair NOT break up their marriage. If they divorce it gives OM no reason not to pursue your wife. You can always hold the other info over your wifes head.
Alls fair in love and war.
I'm shocked you said this
since when does fear of the OM/OW getting divorced from exposure become a valid point to not expose?
When I caught my wife and finally determined she was a serial cheater for years, I asked her did you ever ask about previous affairs with your AP. She said that is one of the first things that comes up. It kind of like some f--kedup "Red Badge of Courage" as in my marriage has been so screwed up for so long. Misery and company... WTF.
Pretty sick stuff, they will willingly spill their hearts to a "stranger" but not a word of truth to their spouse of decades.
Anyway, I had this bullsh!t dialogue in email text (damn old SENT BOX) and it was very telling where my wife's head was years ago.
I had know problem exposing all to the offended OW.
Just reverse the roles, if you were in the dark would you not want to know the whole truth?
Sometimes I just do not get people. This is one of those times I suppose.
She was/is trustful to her husband throughout their marriage so she can ask anything to her husband, its hard to believe that she is living in earth, she is living in the fantasy world created by herself and OM where her husband is only a doormat to do what she want.
That is an idea, Chap. But there is NO future with OM. She knows that, even in her fog. She just wants his soulful companionship. She thinks they were made for each other in some other dimension. I am laughing as I type this. At this point, I put the chances of my marriage surviving at under 5%. So, why the f.ck not? I am going to send the whole package. Let him spend some time in the **** I am
living. Posted via Mobile Device
Send all the information you have, there is no need for you to support his lies. At his age he will worried about his pension and the estate he is about to lose , time for him to man up and face the music. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Told the OMW, update 
