the advice you are being given is not "a dare". it's wisdom. It came at a very high price and is being given to you freely.
Our hope is that the mistakes that many of us made, and a few of us follwed may somehow aid you in saving your marriage and giving you the gift of true reconcilation.
Your fear is that same exact fear and weakness that stopped many of us from doing what we prescribe you do.... We learned the hard way, now some of us are virtually cursed. Possesed by a need to teach the lesson we couldn't learn, and advise action some of us didn't take....
One way or another you will get the wisdom of the advice we are sharing.
I Did. I called OMW, and told her of the affair. I said I would mail her texts and phone logs if she needed. I am told she has been giving him the third degree. There is apparently something very incendiary in the messages and my wife, who never really signed up for proper NC with verification, feels her safety is at risk. Or OM's.
At this point, I am trying to use this leverage to get as much defogging I can. Yes, it isn't that absolute capitulation, but I can still sen the texts, and I can still test NC later. I can trickle truth too, if you will.
I know this will rub a lot of you the wrong way. And I may be super naive. But I am going to do this a couple of weeks and see if she is really ready to put this behind her and start working on us. Posted via Mobile Device
I think you did the right thing. It isn't necessarily wise to shoot off all your ammunition at one time. You wife and the OM know you have more to loose on them. Your number one responsibility is to protect your family.
You have given the OM's wife a good heads up and you still have the option of bringing more guns to bear.
Even more serious however, is whether or not your wife has been threatened. Are you sure she is not using the hospital to hide in? You need to get all the info you can and talk to the police, its your responsiblity to your family. Do not wuss out on this.
Do what you need to do. But don't get your hopes up.
Your wife is a piece of work.
Ain't that the truth! No, hopes are firmly in check.
To the other poit about trickle truth to OMW. I get it. I didn't realize that it would be cruel. I agree. I think enough has been revealed. He has confessed some too. Posted via Mobile Device
Thr, 1st off, i would be checking up @ the hospital and make sure she really is there. Dont take anything for granted here.
As far as fogging goes, your WS will not start to defog as long as the afair is still going on. It just does not happen.
Never reveal your sources, never reveal when you disclose or what was disclosed to the OMW and finally, you have to draw a line in the sand and hold it regardless of what is said, cried, threatened, flirted, promised, admitted to, omitted or offered.
I'd like to know what ya'll mean by "defog". Tell me it's not like you believe the WS started having an affair because they're in some type temporary form of insanity, didn't know what they were doing, and defogging is coming out of it.
When you're in an affair, you get a natural high. That high, like any other drug, trumps all reason. You may KNOW you're doing wrong, but dammit, it feels so good you don't CARE!
Defogging is when the smoke in your eyes starts to clear away, day by day, action by action, realization by realization, of how you have harmed your partner when you cheated. It rarely happens overnight.
Ain't that the truth! No, hopes are firmly in check.
To the other poit about trickle truth to OMW. I get it. I didn't realize that it would be cruel. I agree. I think enough has been revealed. He has confessed some too. Posted via Mobile Device
Yet there is sonething which is really setting her off. Makes you wonder that perhaps its sonething that would set you off too if you connected the dots with the OMW. Perhaps some deeper sleazy stuff that she has done that the OMW might tell you about. Posted via Mobile Device
When you're in an affair, you get a natural high. That high, like any other drug, trumps all reason. You may KNOW you're doing wrong, but dammit, it feels so good you don't CARE!
Defogging is when the smoke in your eyes starts to clear away, day by day, action by action, realization by realization, of how you have harmed your partner when you cheated. It rarely happens overnight.
That's about as good an explanation as I could hear. The biggest problem is that most are forced into "defogging" because they got their azz caught. With that, I'm not sure how sincere the defogging is. I know that once you cross that line, its gets much easier the next time and its damn hard to stop. Something in your life caused you to cross that line, and chances are that "something" is still going to haunt you.
I Did. I called OMW, and told her of the affair. I said I would mail her texts and phone logs if she needed. I am told she has been giving him the third degree. There is apparently something very incendiary in the messages and my wife, who never really signed up for proper NC with verification, feels her safety is at risk. Or OM's.
At this point, I am trying to use this leverage to get as much defogging I can. Yes, it isn't that absolute capitulation, but I can still sen the texts, and I can still test NC later. I can trickle truth too, if you will.
I know this will rub a lot of you the wrong way. And I may be super naive. But I am going to do this a couple of weeks and see if she is really ready to put this behind her and start working on us. Posted via Mobile Device
Sad , I see a husband protecting the man his wife is cheating with. Carry on as you are making excuses why you will not share the information after all it is as much the OM's wife's right to read the texts as it is yours. Shame, your not naive you looked for the one set of advice to give you an out.
What happens in the OM's household is his issue , his wife will decide what to do with the information . Posted via Mobile Device
That's about as good an explanation as I could hear. The biggest problem is that most are forced into "defogging" because they got their azz caught. With that, I'm not sure how sincere the defogging is. I know that once you cross that line, its gets much easier the next time and its damn hard to stop. Something in your life caused you to cross that line, and chances are that "something" is still going to haunt you.
That is exactly why the betrayed spouse HAS to be firm, strong, and unyielding in what the cheater has to do for the betrayed to be willling to 'keep' the cheater. For the immediate future, the cheater HAS to do what the BS says in terms of transparency, until the fog clears. And if the cheater refuses, the BS needs to be willing to end the marriage. Think of Tough Love for kids on drugs. It's the only way to get them clean.
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Re: Told the OMW, update 
