I had to go to the other place to get a gist for your story. So I pulled some of your relevant posts.
Second DDay was two nights ago. Got another oppty to sync her phone. Another gut-wrenching blow-up. This time, the messages are about how much she loves him, and how good he makes her feel. She writes of how she goes to sleep thinking of him and waking up the same way. ****ing mushy love notes. And a whole web of lies. They have met numerous times. While it is clear that there was no sex, I am not sure how much physical contact there was. She had clearly doubled down during the interim weeks.
She's VERY deep in the fog of the affair, I mean really. They met numerous times but no sex? How sure of that are you? By reading the texts? Maybe she gave him BJs and maybe he went down on her. But it's clear this is a PA, you just don't know the extent because of the TT.
She has realized that she has to give up OM and is actively working on it. She is in the bargaining phase. Today, she wanted me to mail him a gift that she had bought for him. She asked this as a favor in return for giving him up!! Like all other stories here, this is just insane - except to her. She said she wasn't going to MC, but then this morning agreed to. She says she will never give up her freedoms and will not comply with my "nazi" demands for information. She really thinks she can set this up on her terms. She still really cares for this guy. She doesn't want me to contact his wife because she feels it will destroy their marriage. All symptoms of the fog, I am sure you will agree.
Amazing! She wanted you to mail to the OM a gift that she bought for HIM? Yeah, that's absolutely crazy. It shows just how far gone she really is.
As of today, my wife says she is on day 5 of her NC. She seems to have genuinely turned a corner. But I know your experience screams that she is just lying (even if, perhaps, to herself). She says she doesn't care if I tell the OM's wife - that it will be his problem. She talks about how she feels taken advantage of. She says she still has feelings for him, but can see how she may have been in the fog too deep. She says she is now 100% committed to our marriage. However, she continues to disparage counseling. I told her in no uncertain terms that we need to resolve the issues in our marriage that preceded the A. She understands that..
She was bluffing you and felt you really wouldnt do it because you have been so beta to her before and given in to everything. So that when you really did it, she went ballistic.
She has no respect for you or the marriage and she's till very deep in the fog. The only thing she did after DDay#1 back in October was take it further underground and even deeper with the affair - which by the happens every time the BS rug sweeps the affair.
Now, seeing how concerned she was about protecting OM and his marriage, this may not have been an exit affair. But she definitely wanted to cake eat for as long as possible, and maybe hold out hope that OM will leave his BW.