sorry buddy, did it go physical?
Yes, everything changes after discovery, denial, trickle truth, blaming....
How are you now?
It's about 10 years now since D-Day but I'm pretty good, generally, but little things trigger sometimes.
How did you manage the aftermath?
Hi, AngryandUsed. I just noticed an error on my post. It should have read " . . .although there has been absolutely no evidence of anything since
I don't believe it went physical because I'm 99.99% sure that they never met.
I never really understood the mind of someone who's had an emotional affair till I found this wonderful website. Looking back, there was a lot of trickle truth after the initial denial and blame shifting also.
I thought at the time that I got all the truth eventually but, having spent a lot of time on this site, I wonder if she just told me what she wanted to tell me. I guess I'll never know.
As you've seen in my post, I lost it and screamed and shouted and so on. Then we had the trickle truth and blame shifting. I found it difficult to let it go and would hit her with a barrage of questions every so often. Eventually, I backed off because she used to become extremely upset and when I would draw it up. That said, there are times I still want to ask her things about it but I just bottle it up because of not wanting to upset her. And many here will probably feel that I should be more concerned with my own feelings rather than hers. I know I should but I just back off.
Trust was shattered when it happened and I guess I will never trust her 100% again, although, as I said, she hasn't given me any reason to doubt her since.
I became obsessed with sneakily checking her phone for a while afterwards (about a year) and I have fairly free access to her work place and called there a few times in that period after she'd gone home from work, because I thought I might find some evidence of ongoing contact. I didn't find anything. I don't check her phone at all now. Never.
We moved on and things were great for a while and gradually we went back to the way things were. Currently, I feel we're more like housemates than a married couple. We rarely have sex and there isn't much hugging or cuddling either.
But I think that the EA is always there like an elephant in the room. When she gets a text, I won't read it, even when she asks me to. It's not discussed but we both know that we're both thinking about the other guy and his texting years ago. She'll tell me to read any text she'll receive if she's out in the garden, in the bathroom, etc. but I just say that it's her phone and that I don't want to read it.
I don't think about it at all as much as I used to. Time is a great healer, in many ways, but I don't think that full healing will ever take place for me. I hate admitting this (and others have said so in the past also) but spending a lot of time on this wonderful site sometimes provides a lot of triggers and makes me think much, much more about it than I might otherwise do. And that drags me down a bit, as you can imagine.
I have numerous friends but no close friend. I have nobody with whom I can discuss personal issues. A few years ago I confided in a friend about something and he told at least one other friend of mine about it. That experience even put me off going for counselling as I feared that the counseller might mention it to someone I know. Silly, I'm sure many of you will say, but we live in a fairly small city where everyone seems to know everybody else and I'm pretty well known to many people due to my involvement (and past involvement) in a number of organisations. I'm sure counselling would benefit me greatly but I've never been able to take the first step in that direction.
Thanks for taking the interest and time to reply. I feel a bit better having posted this reply.