finding out
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-29-2012, 07:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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i'm new here and got some good advice.just wondering how you other post found out your spouse was cheating ?
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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for me it was a combo of facebook and twitter.gotta love social network.also got the cell phone bills.btw if you could see what the text say on the phone bill, im sure that would be very very interesting
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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purely accidental- went to see if my wife had sent an email to my son's teacher and she never thought to delete her outgoing messages, good thing she is so bad at computers- I caught it in only 2.5 weeks of an affair

(I was gaslighted for 2 days but I kept snooping and found phone records and facebook chats)
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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The first time was by total mistake. It was Valentine's Day and I was clearing out the internet history when I came upon a dating profile for him online where he had, that very day, sent out numerous message/banter to numerous women.

The second time, he sat me down and told me he had sex with someone else several times. That hurt.

The third time I found him, again, on dating sites. I confronted him and he admitted to being on 2 more of which I knew nothing about. See, he thought I was talking about one site, but in fact he revealed himself to be on more! Imagine his face when I told him "What are you talking about?" (That is 3 in total). When I showed him his dating ads he got flustered & said "Jelly, you are a very unhappy person." Um, ok. He also told me "I dont need the internet to meet b!tches."

I also, a long time after the fact, found out that the entire time we were in marriage counselling (after he'd finally agreed to go), he had been flirt/chatting wtih this chick on his FB, one of who always made me suspicious. He told me several times he would never remove her from his FB cause she was his "friend" and it would be "rude," essentially choosing her over our marriage. She had even sent him invites to parties saying "There will be lots of girls there! Bring your friend (his best guy friend)!" Who says that to someone on a public forum unless they think they are on the market?

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Old 02-29-2012, 07:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
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i suspected her first ons after 2 days but didnt act on it for 2 months right after her second man.its amazing how much you can learn on a computer when you know how and where to look.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'll go back years...living with a guy, he went on vacation with our roommated, and when he came back, there was women's stuff in his suitcase. I confronted, and of course, he denied. But when our idiot roommate had the photos developed (pre digital age) there were pics of the two of them with 2 girls. In one of the pics, my bf was making out with one of the girls.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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My wife sent a text msg to me that was intended for her AP. I realized what was happening, went home and got on her computer and dug up 3 months worth of EA emails and sexts.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Oh gosh, Bandit. What did the text say?
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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She had left her Yahoo messenger open one day I was off work. Don't know why but I checked it. Found everything.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:37 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
My wife sent a text msg to me that was intended for her AP. I realized what was happening, went home and got on her computer and dug up 3 months worth of EA emails and sexts.
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That would be awful!!


My H was talking to my daughter about her xbf and made a simple comment jokingly ---"once a cheater always a cheater"---
and something went "ding" in my head.
The next day , I looked through our cell phone bill online,,found out about 2 women he was talking to.... but have a feeling there's been more, since our phone bill only goes back 1 year.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
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My husband was working out of town, I made a surprise visit and found a woman and three kids with him. But that wasn't the only woman. Through FB, removing me from bank accounts after I confronted him and refusing to allow me the view cell phone records the pieces of the puzzle started coming into place. The confirmations have continued for the past 7 months.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:56 AM   #12 (permalink)
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What was his reaction when you found him with the OW, Lone?
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:08 AM   #13 (permalink)
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His jaw dropped to the floor. He explained her away as someone he worked with that had just come by to drop something off that was left at the office. The next day he sent me packing, claimed that he had lost himself, was upset about a Christmas tree that was put up without him 20 years ago. Lots of other stupid reasons as to why he was lost. Total lies, but then there was another woman he was 'close friends' with, they 'hit it off' the first time they met. As time passed the 2nd woman was more in the picture and is still there. She is even friends with H's son from his first marriage and his sister that lived with him for a couple of months but now lives in another state. What are the odds that his son and sister would be friends with this woman if there was nothing going on? I demanded he cut ties with this woman and he flatly refused. I filed for a divorce.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:17 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear that.

What did the OW do when you found them? Are they still together?

Was your divorce finalized already?
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:33 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I read my wife's text messages to her friend after she came home really late from a "girls night out". Not sure really why I thought I needed to do that, but there was something in my gut that told me to look.

Her last text to the friend was a detailed description of her encounter with the OM from the night before. I ended up waking her up at 4 AM to confront her. That text is still emblazened in my head.
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