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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-04-2012, 08:02 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

Wow, what a turn around. Sorry for the directness, but it can help clear away the fog. No one here thinks less of you for going through the process. They've all been there. You are now respecting yourself, your wife has now seen the man you are. She was rubbing your nose in it, and now her fog has lifted too. Now you are in the drivers seat, where the BS should be.

You are not a failure in this relationship. I would suggest getting some meds from the doctor. Keep posting here, the others are on your side and will help you.
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Old 03-04-2012, 11:30 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

I'm not truly suicidal, I was just hurting. after some sleep I feel better. No I'm not drinking alcohol, or smoking, or doing any drugs of any kind. No doc is going to give me anything to numb the pain. I want it as keen and sharp as possible so I will never forget.

So what if she wants to come back to me? The point if her WoW friend had stepped up to take up my mantel she wouldn't want to. My decision is final. If I show an once of weakness now nothing will ever change and she will never have learned anything. Some people just need to take the hard road. In her case, she going to learn to be a good dog or she is going to learn to like the stick.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:14 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

I think you should take a break. No woman will come back to a man who speaks like you are now. For the moment I will put it down to you hurting.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:31 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Quote:
So what if she wants to come back to me? The point if her WoW friend had stepped up to take up my mantel she wouldn't want to. My decision is final. If I show an once of weakness now nothing will ever change and she will never have learned anything. Some people just need to take the hard road. In her case, she going to learn to be a good dog or she is going to learn to like the stick
Take your time and go dark on her for a couple weeks. Don't take her calls or e-mails. If you need to get info to her, go through her mom.

You need to rest and collect yourself. Read up on the 180 and work the program. Flying off the handle only gives her ammunition to use against you. She can turn everyone against you by making you out to be a madman. Don't let her do this.

Have you exposed her to family and friends? Have you told the other mans family?
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:35 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

You're in the initial rage and just venting, we get that. If you have to vent, then just vent here, not with her.
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:59 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Take your time and go dark on her for a couple weeks. Don't take her calls or e-mails. If you need to get info to her, go through her mom.

You need to rest and collect yourself. Read up on the 180 and work the program. Flying off the handle only gives her ammunition to use against you. She can turn everyone against you by making you out to be a madman. Don't let her do this.

Have you exposed her to family and friends? Have you told the other mans family?
Her mom and brother are pissed at her and the other guy is single and was using her as a way to get back at his exwife.

I really want to thank you all for giving me advice and validating my suspicions. It's good to know wasn't crazy or over reacting.
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:16 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

Divorce her. She will never be trustworthy. And this is the kind of woman you do NOT need if you are working night hours.

Get rid of her. Ask her family if they will take her in.
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:22 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Just go dark and give her time to come out of the fog. Kicking her out was a huge wake-up call and earned you a bunch of respect points.

Ask her family to keep the pressure on her. But don't talk to her. Let her come to you. Give it some time and don't make any rash decisions yet.
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:49 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Postulio, see if you can help Matrixd out. He sounds like he is in the same boat as you.
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Old 03-05-2012, 06:59 PM   #55 (permalink)
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I'll look for his post.
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:06 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

So, I let her borrow the car to go to a "job interview" and she went to his place. GPS tracker FTW. well she returned the car to me in tears. She came clean to me and told me what happened... over the last several months. She said nothing had happened, even though there was a mutual romantic interest. She went to his place to discuss moving in with him as his room mate and he told her no. He also told her the whole thing was some imagined situation in her head and he told her never to contact him again.

So she told me she was sorry she put me through that. She told me she was mad at me for working the long hours and for vanishing in to video game land and blatantly ignoring her. She doesn't care what I have doe with our wedding pictures or anything else. She wants me and has always wanted me. She was just trying to wake me up and to be the husband she fell in love with. I told her I would think about it and to get the F away from me.

What are your thoughts?
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:33 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Post, she just asked this guy to shack up, gets rejected, and holy cow she's in love with you again. She lied to your face where she was going. What's changed?
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:46 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

Agree. She lied to you and took your car to meet her online fake lover, probably offered him a piece of a*s, got unceremoniously dumped on her keester, and then came back to you... her safety net.

Ha! Then she had the audacity to blame her affair on you! Unbelievable!

This girl is an emotional infant not worthy to be called an adult. Getting dumped by two men in the same week should be a good lesson for her.

The answer you gave her was perfect. Sleep soundly tonight.
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:31 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Initfortheduration View Post
Post, she just asked this guy to shack up, gets rejected, and holy cow she's in love with you again. She lied to your face where she was going. What's changed?


If you take her back, the OM could change his mind and have her anytime that he wants. That is not a very strong foundation to build your life around.
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:34 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?

Actually, she probably had sex with him... and then he threw her out!
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