03-07-2012, 10:37 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Chandler, Az
| | Re: Am I being hasty and cruel?
I have taken all of this into account. She is right about me though. I do work long hours, I did disappear into my PC and video games, I did ignore her, I even said some very nasty things to over the last year.
But that was in response to her lack of interest in doing/going anywhere with me. I wanted her to come get me, drag me by the hair kicking and screaming and force me to talk to her. And what did she do? Went out drinking and attempted to start up a love affair with someone. She basically took the easy way out and ran away. When the chips were down on my end and I felt her slipping away, I charged in like a mad bull and put her on the spot.
This thought process is really pissing me off. Really, I know she is being honest on most levels at this point, but what about later? What if these hours don't change, what if I get lost again? Will she be there or will I go through this again?
Life moves in circles, if you want to change, you have to change your circle/pattern. Drug addicts never quit doing drugs when they hang with their old friends, they have to find Jesus and hang out with holy rollers. People are usually to weak to change on their own and they need others pushing them along. That's when they learn their lesson. If I take her back, she will go back to the way things were before this whole mess started 7 months ago. The WoW guy was only 2 months ago.
I know that I am now completely changed and things will not go back the way they were for me. I will have boundries, I will enforce them. If I want to do something with her and she doesn't I will either go myself or drag her along.
Realize that I am still in love with her and want her in my life. But I'm not blind nor over the pain. I am a wounded animal and prone to lash out. How does one prove their sincerity to another in a situation like this?
Last edited by Postulio; 03-07-2012 at 10:51 PM.