I work technical support, 11a-11p on Mondays and 12p-11p the rest of the week. This has been going on for a year now and it has caused me a great amount stress and fatigue. I withdrew to my PC and became a bit cold.
My wife has been hanging out on Fridays with a single mom and her friends. I would come home late at night with strange people I have never met in my home and my wife so drunk it was embarrassing.
Well one week I had noticed my wife had not been wearing her wedding ring. She was on her way to Applebee's and invited me out and was quite rude about it. She sat with her back to me and made it a point to let me know she had locked cell phone. Now, I'm a very logical person and good at identifying problems. So, when I put the pieces of the puzzle together, I freaked out.
The next morning she had to take her friend to work and get her nails done then told me she may stop somewhere else but wouldn't say where.
That day I packed my things and started to leave when she came home unexpectedly. We had a long heart to heart and I agreed to stay and work things out. I promised I would not spend as much time on the PC and she would stop hanging out with the single mom drunkie crowd.
That night her friend came over and I was already on edge, I asked my wife to ask her friend to leave and she wouldn't do it. Well I already had it in my head that she was cheating on me, we walked out of the bedroom, she went outside to smoke and I found her friend laying on the couch just texting away. Well I blew up and stormed outside. Wife ran after me and it turned into this big mess where her mother came over and got involved.
During all this my wife had been hanging out with a friend from WoW on Friday nights. He is 42 yr old, divorced, single, fat, bald, half Asian male who is still "in love" with his ex-wife who dumped him for her ex-boyfriend. This guy had my wife out till 3am. I got home at 11:30 I got a text at 12:12 saying she would be home soon. 2am rolls around and she calls me telling me her single mom friend needed Childrens Tylenol and they had to stop at his place to get it since he has a son. I was ready to pulverize him and I couldn't figure out why since she was doing the damage.
Now we are in this tense state for the last 2 months where she keeps telling me she doesn't know what she want and I tell her I want her. Well this guy still comes over when I'm not home. I have told her I am not comfortable with it and she doesn't seem to care. She won't take responsibility for her actions and just keeps up with the "IDK" answers. She tells me she loves me and we have sex now several times a week. 5 times in the last 3 days.
Monday, I told her she has until April 1 to make her decision. Am I acting rash?
Lower sex drive OR more sex drive can be a red flag for an affair. Hopefully its more like hysterical bonding. Although that may mean she is getting over an affair. When she was giving yu the cold shoulder, who ws getting your attention. How does her posse treat you?
Monday, I told her she has until April 1 to make her decision. Am I acting rash?
No you are acting Beta. You set logical and normal boundaries and she ignores them. Why would you give her until April 1 before taking action? Do your enjoy suffering and want it to continue for another month?
She has a single OM at your home when you are not there even when you told her to not do this. She is out till 3am with this OM as you wait at home. She locks her phone and ignores your feelings. You believe that she is cheating on you. You have no children. What exactly are you waiting for?
Lower sex drive OR more sex drive can be a red flag for an affair. Hopefully its more like hysterical bonding. Although that may mean she is getting over an affair. When she was giving yu the cold shoulder, who ws getting your attention. How does her posse treat you?
she get's very excited around me and has been trying taboo things with me. she sends me nake pics at work and dirty pics of things she wants to try with me.
Yes I have my doubts they have been intimate. But then I want to believe she is innocent.
So I have been thinking about telling him to back off. But I am trying so hard not to play into his hands and be seen as a tyrant.
Where in the world is ****blocking your wife being a tyrant. There is not a chance in the world it should even cross your wifes mind to have male friends over when you are not at home.
You are uncomfortable, a normal reaction would be, What the f*ck do you mean there has been a man here. What's his phone number? Somebodies getting their a$$ kicked.
Let me guess, she might call you controlling. Its telling her she can do whatever she wants, just not while she is a married woman. Its not controlling to have boundaries.
If the roles were reversed would she be accepting as you have been? I would get tested for STD's. You are in complete denial. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Yes I have my doubts they have been intimate. But then I want to believe she is innocent.
So I have been thinking about telling him to back off. But I am trying so hard not to play into his hands and be seen as a tyrant.
You are not dealing with the behavior you know about. You are not dealing with conflict as a confident man.
In general you tend to just get mad and runaway from things. Stop that. Be calm. Be firm. Take action and do not back down. Do not argue. Do not yell. Be the man.
You should have told her friend laying on the coach that she needed to leave because you needed to speak with your wife. If she gave you cr@p you calmly call the police and have her escorted out of your home. You never lose your cool. Especially in front of the police. It does not matter if she is your wife's guest or not. You calmly tell the police she is not welcome in your house.
Why would you tolerate your wife disrespecting you? You need to learn to deal with issues in real time and not be a conflict avoider.
This is all about boundaries, calmness, assertiveness, confidence and action.
Why would accept your wife dating another man? Why would you allow another man to dominate you in your home with your wife?
You do not say. I am not confortable with this. You have a month to stop. You set the boundary and it starts immediately.
I have worked in IT my whole career so I know about this stuff. Yes you need to man up and stop neglecting your wife. BUT this is not a free pass for her to do this. You should have stopped this long ago.
At this point you may want to send her packing, get your life together, man up and find a better wife.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Yes I have my doubts they have been intimate. But then I want to believe she is innocent.
So I have been thinking about telling him to back off. But I am trying so hard not to play into his hands and be seen as a tyrant.
You are not serious. Oh my. Heaven forbid her OM might see you as a tyrant. That would make you controlling and not a cuckold. What would the OM think?
The OM thinks you are a wuss and that he can dominate you and bang your wife and that you are not man enough to stand up to him. He gets off on that and worse your wife is getting off on him getting off and humiliating you. Unless you want to be a cuckold your wife dating this guy is her being unfaithful, disrespectful and humiliating. That is not attractive.
Yes he is banging her. Reality has nothing to do with what we wish were true.
Now is that crude. It sure is. Wake up. You are so passive that it make me wonder if your are pulling our legs.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
she get's very excited around me and has been trying taboo things with me. she sends me nake pics at work and dirty pics of things she wants to try with me.
The sex is red hot right now.
Get tested for STDs ASAP. This is called histerical bonding.
What are you going to do if she gets pregnant? You will not know who the father is.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Where in the world is ****blocking your wife being a tyrant. There is not a chance in the world it should even cross your wifes mind to have male friends over when you are not at home.
You are uncomfortable, a normal reaction would be, What the f*ck do you mean there has been a man here. What's his phone number? Somebodies getting their a$$ kicked.
Let me guess, she might call you controlling. Its telling her she can do whatever she wants, just not while she is a married woman. Its not controlling to have boundaries.
They're telling you that you are are jealous, insecure and controlling. So stop interfereing with her having her toy on the side. In fact right now you are the guy on the side. Don't be surprised if he asks you to leave his home. You better learn to c0ckblock because this is just the beginning.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
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Am I being hasty and cruel? 
