First I want to say dont judge me quite yet. I have been the OW for several years. I have tried to end the relationship several times over the years and he begs me not to. We are very much in love, and several months ago he told his wife everything. She freaked out and who could blame her, I truley feel bad about the entire situation but I'm too much in love with him to end it. He told her the A was over but it's not, infact we're more in love then ever. My question is, should I tell his W that the affair is still going on since he's too scared to? Or should I just allow her to be in complete denial? Also, why does the W always hate the OW and forgives the H, the OW didn't break their vows the H did. I'm not suggesting we become friends but hate him too. Also Ladies is there anything you've ever wanted to ask the OW but couldn't?
I vote for tell the wife. Then you can have a guy that has no qualms cheating on his spouse all to yourself.
BTW...the wife usually hates the OW because she doesn't have the decency to not sleep with married men. Instead of finding their own available man, the OW goes in and tries to "win" one whom is already committed to someone else and possibly has a family with them.
I believe that's part of it, but I also think it's easier to blame and hate the OW. I have no problem taking some of the blame but should the married man be held responsible for his actions?
]First I want to say dont judge me quite yet. I have been the OW for several years. I have tried to end the relationship several times over the years and he begs me not to. Also, why does the W always hate the OW and forgives the H, the OW didn't break their vows the H did.
I believe that's part of it, but I also think it's easier to blame and hate the OW. I have no problem taking some of the blame but should the married man be held responsible for his actions?
They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.
But having some ill feelings towards someone who willingly participates in destroying a family should be expected.
[QUOTE=DawnD;609694]They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.
He is having to do all those things, but is still seeing me. I have suggested he work on his marriage but says he wants to build a life with me. Should I tell her everything, even if I end things with him?
They are held accountable in different ways. transparency, counseling, having to ask forgiveness, etc, etc. Most wife's don't expect an explanation or apology from the OW unless they know one another.
He is having to do all those things, but is still seeing me. I have suggested he work on his marriage but says he wants to build a life with me. Should I tell her everything, even if I end things with him?
You are speaking as if you don't have any choices in this. You are willingly participating in hurting his wife. You know he is married, and you are sleeping with him. You suggested he work on his marriage? So did you stop sleeping with him/contacting him so he could do that?
I would let her know, just so she can get him out of her life. But just out of curiosity, do you really think if he leaves her and you two get together, that you are going to trust him? Even when he has to "work late"? You already know that he does not honor marriage vows.
I don't know you. The following may or may not be true. I don't know. But this is how I usually imagine the "stereotypical" other woman:
You are not a bad person.
You are in love with him.
He is in love with you.
It just happened.
He loves his wife, but he is not in love with her.
He has a bad marriage, it was bad before he even met you, you were not the cause of his marital problems.
He told you his marriage was bad but he never told his wife their marriage was bad until she found out about his affair with you.
He likes being with you more than he likes being with his wife.
You are together a few hours each week.
Each time you meet, you make love.
His wife is a nag and expects him to help out around the house. They never have sex.
He never was in love with his wife like he is in love with you. He should have never settled and married her. He made a mistake. You are soul mates. You were meant to be. He is your one true love and he is yours.
His love for you is so great that he is trying to work on his marriage and keep having sex with you on the side. He likes the fact that he can fool his wife into taking care of the house and cook his meals and he can take you out to dinner a few times a week and have sex with you. On the nights he's not with you, sometimes he has to have sex with his wife, just to keep her from being suspicious.
His wife is not ashamed that she is married to him and can tell anyone she wants about it. You have to be careful who you tell about your relationship with him because, except for a few close friends, you would be ashamed if people knew about your relationship.
If he left his wife for you, you would lie to people and say you only started to see each other after he already decided to leave his wife. You wouldn't tell them that you continued to carry on an affair while he tried to work on his marriage or that he lied to his wife about it.
You are not a bad person.
This is not what you want from your life.
Don't be this person.
He is not a good person. He is not who you want to be with.
If you had a daughter in your position, who asked you for advice, what would you tell her to do?
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I'm not a bad person 
