I am new to the forum but have been reading for a while. Wife had EA and I caught her six months ago. We have now been married for 20 months, together on and off for seven years. I almost left as trust is extremely important.
She downplayed EA and blamed my actions for pushing her towards it. She told me that EA was really nothing and they barely had contact, and they were only friends. The OM was a guy she met online before we got engaged (we weren't together at the time), and they never met due to distance, but had gotten pretty serious in their conversations about a relationship, having a baby and moving in together. She told me she had strong feelings for him at that time.
I understood some of he points, so I agreed to try and reconcile. We went to crounseling for last three months and things seemed pointed in right direction. She let me see her phone and FB page and I saw no further contact.
I felt like I still needed more to earn my trust back, so I asked to look at her cell phone account. I needed to be sure that her version of events regarding the EA was the truth. She said it was no problem. What I found was over 300 texts per month for the seven months prior to DDAY (thats as far back as the records went), including pictures, several phone calls (she said they only talked once).
I explained to her on several occasions during this process that she needed to be open with me about everything, and I even showed her posts from here explaining EAs and how much they hurt. She insisted she was more then once.
She was just tickle truthing (I am learning the terms) me the whole time. I should have demanded verification before agreeing to reconcile. At this point, I can never trust her again, and I am going to confront her about this tonight and be forced to start over alone!
There is great advice on here, so thank you to everyone and I wished I would have listened sooner. Thank you for listening.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
Quote:
Originally Posted by timeisup
I am new to the forum but have been reading for a while. Wife had EA and I caught her six months ago. We have now been married for 20 months, together on and off for seven years. I almost left as trust is extremely important.
She downplayed EA and blamed my actions for pushing her towards it. She told me that EA was really nothing and they barely had contact, and they were only friends. The OM was a guy she met online before we got engaged (we weren't together at the time), and they never met due to distance, but had gotten pretty serious in their conversations about a relationship, having a baby and moving in together. She told me she had strong feelings for him at that time.
I understood some of he points, so I agreed to try and reconcile. We went to crounseling for last three months and things seemed pointed in right direction. She let me see her phone and FB page and I saw no further contact.
I felt like I still needed more to earn my trust back, so I asked to look at her cell phone account. I needed to be sure that her version of events regarding the EA was the truth. She said it was no problem. What I found was over 300 texts per month for the seven months prior to DDAY (thats as far back as the records went), including pictures, several phone calls (she said they only talked once).
I explained to her on several occasions during this process that she needed to be open with me about everything, and I even showed her posts from here explaining EAs and how much they hurt. She insisted she was more then once.
She was just tickle truthing (I am learning the terms) me the whole time. I should have demanded verification before agreeing to reconcile. At this point, I can never trust her again, and I am going to confront her about this tonight and be forced to start over alone!
There is great advice on here, so thank you to everyone and I wished I would have listened sooner. Thank you for listening.
I'm so sorry you are here again. Love is nothing without trust. If she is proving you can't trust her you may need to consider moving on. Only 14 months and she was already looking outside the relationship. That is not a good sign.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
OP, did you change profile names? this is your first post using this name... what advice could have been given directly to you if you havent posted before?
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
Wow bandit, thanks for the response!
The EA has been over as far as I can tell since end of August. I only found one day in October with 40 text messages. From what I can tell, it never became physical.
The issue for me now is that I don't believe I can ever trust her. She had six months since DDay to come clean including three months of counseling. Everytime I look into things further, I find more.
How do I know she doesn't have another phone or he doesn't? How can I be sure it never was physical? I work all day while she is home most of the time. The OM was about two hours away, not impossible distance for a day trip.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
Sorry for not being more specific, as I am kind of upset right now. I never posted before, but I have been reading posts for a few months.
The general advice I was referring too was that if someone cheats, they can't be trusted to just give all of the truth when caught. Everytime she told me something, I found out it was not the complete truth no matter how much I tried to get her to be honest.
A lot of posts here talk about checking phones, keyloggers, etc and I felt like it wasn't right of me to do that to my wife. I was wrong!!!
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
If the OM is only two hours away, then you need to start telling yourself and absorbing the probability that the EA was consummated sexually. No way it went on as long as it did without your wife and him hooking up.
This is why she is clamming up. She doesn't want you digging any deeper.
If the OM is married you need to find and contact his wife and send her a zip file of the e-mail texts. Don't tell your wife you are doing this.
You need to go into stealth mode and tell your wife nothing about what you are doing. Consider buying a GPS and putting it in her car to track her movements, as well as hiding a VAR under her dash or car seat to hear who she is calling and talking to.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
Quote:
Originally Posted by timeisup
Sorry for not being more specific, as I am kind of upset right now. I never posted before, but I have been reading posts for a few months.
The general advice I was referring too was that if someone cheats, they can't be trusted to just give all of the truth when caught. Everytime she told me something, I found out it was not the complete truth no matter how much I tried to get her to be honest.
A lot of posts here talk about checking phones, keyloggers, etc and I felt like it wasn't right of me to do that to my wife. I was wrong!!!
Hope this clarifies.
welcome to trickle truth
if you havent already read the newbie link in my signature
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
I agree about the trust. She is trying to pursue a career in the arts. She teaches a few evening classes, but otherwise, has total flexibility with her days. I have always been the one responsible for all of our financial obligations. I have a good job, so I don't mind, but to think she was texting OM all day while I was working hard is sickening.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
She TT you for this long time, seven months with only test messages when OM is only 2 hrs away from her, can you buy that or swallow it. As Bandit said put GPS and VAR on her car, expose the affair to OMs wife or GF.
Tell your wife you wouldn't buy anything she told you so ask her for a polygraph.
Re: I should have listened to the advice given here!
had gotten pretty serious in their conversations about a relationship, having a baby and moving in together. She told me she had strong feelings for him at that time
I highly doubt that she is even close to telling the truth. She is minimizing the whole thing. Expect that. What are you going to confront her with? No one gets that serious with one phone call. So of course there is going to be hundreds and hundreds of texts and such.
8Likes
I should have listened to the advice given here! 
