Entropy3000

This is an excellent point. Much easier to rug sweep I suppose.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

Entropy3000

This may or may not be true, but I confess I believe this to be very possible. The old take it to the grave. Like NOT coming clean is protecting the BS. Like what they do not know cannot hurt them. But of course it does.

I do think that women are much better at cheating than men. All anecdotal however.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

that_girl

I am a horrible liar. I cannot lie to save my life. I will admit lying right after I lie.

So, don't group all women together. My father was a FABULOUS liar. He had FOUR different families!! My mother doesn't even know about his first wife. She thinks she's his first wife and I'm his first child. WRONG. I don't have the heart to tell her and he's dead so...whatever.

The fact is, people can lie well. Not men or women. People. period.

__________________

gpa

river rat

Having traveled this road years ago, I'd like to offer some encouragement. You will make it thru this, no matter what the outcome. Right now it feels like your hide was ripped off. That won't last forever. You'll go thru the normal emotions experienced w/ any great loss, such as death of a loved one. Right after I found out, I felt like my whole marriage had been a sham. It wasn't, though. It's hard to keep that perspective during the acute phase of discovery. Hang in there. You'll make it.

bandit.45

Sucks though... that she would hit him with this news right when he's grieving for his granddad.

Talk about insensitive timing.

love1u0

updated op.

Shaggy

So what do you want to do? She cheated and has has ten years to integrate this into who she is, and how she views you fior being the clueless guy who she cheated on.


Will you be able to move on from her betrayal? It's not required.that you accept this and forgive her. She did choose to cheat, and she did choose to lie for a decade.
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love1u0

Well, I would really like to salvage this relationship. I have been feeling a little better about it, but of course I still have my moments. She loves me and I love her and it was a long time ago.
She really hurts and hates herself at the moment. I just need to figure out a way to move on...time heals?

warlock07

Is this the same guy? She slept in our house with this guy? I am not sure if you realize this, but that is the greatest humiliation she can put you through. I am definitely sure that there are more skeletons in the closets. You won't randomly let other people sleep in the martial blood. This is definitely a long term or a deep affair. Keep pushing until you get the full truth. It is the same naivety that made it easy for her to cheat on you.

If I were you, I wonder how much she cheated to make a confession out of guilt. Some cheaters make partial confessions to get the guilt off their chests. This might well be a partial confession.


And when she says the time is right, I guess she meant that the son turned 18 and the divorce won't affect him as adversely(as it might when he is 8 or 10)

bryanp

I am afraid that Warlock07 is absolutely correct. There is great symbolism involved in having a wife bringing her lover into your marital home and bed. She was symbolically defacating on your marriage, relationship and you. I am sorry but if she was so blatant to bring her lover into your home and bed I doubt this occurred only two times. There has been and was a great deal going on here that you do not know about. Sorry but this has enormous significance.

love1u0

Yep, same guy in my house. And yes, I feel humiliated to say the least. When she first told me it was just kissing one night. I questioned her for 4 days or so and she admitted to sex once in the bar parking lot. A week goes by with me questioning her again and she admits to sleeping with him twice. A few more days go by and she admits the second time was on my old couch. She says she lied to protect herself and me and that she has now told me all.

I have asked her point blank several times if the reason that she told me was to end the relationship. She has assured me that this was not the case...who the **** knows really though..besides her.

bryanp

I seriously doubt that you have the full story. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have been so accepting and forgiving as you have been? How special you must feel that she would have no problem screwing her lover in your house and in a parking lot of a bar. She sounds very classy. I would think about checking about a paternity test on your child. Check the blood types or a piece of his hair and get it tested. Something sounds so out of wack here.

What gave her permission within her to say this was acceptable? Clearly she was willing to throw away her marriage. The whole thing sound sick and incomplete. I could be wrong butI don't think that you really know your wife. Do you?

love1u0

I know my son is mine, he looks exactly like me


She was not happy in the marriage at that time she says. She wanted out but ended up being afraid to be on her own....she says. The other guy was married also at that time.

love1u0

when she told me this stuff my jaw hit the floor. She never EVER acted like what she had done. She was always prudish in a way..