She is in a more learned and continuous learning mode on life...those times, she might have been naive and plain in her love or whatsoever..
now you are stunted in understanding human minds especially a woman's particularly this one, who by far has been an emotional being and now getting new ideas and thoughts and feelings that she has the SEVEN YEARS ITCH too in aid..!!perhaps..?
7 years is a while to sit on the fence. I know your thinking of the investment in time and emotions... BUT!
She is telling you the future and you are not listening. After 7 years she is not committed enough to you and does not want to enter into a marriage. You can't force, teach, train someone to love you. Don't look at the loss think about the gain.
YOU GET TO WALK AWAY! No kids, No property, No Contract.
You think it's bad now... Oh brother, go ahead and patch this up and get married, have those kids... Find out she's cheating on you 5 years down the road. And you can rejoin us Poor Bast@rds at TAM with your sob story...
I just found out my Wife's cheating... by CleverNickName.
I tried a date night, but she was strangely quiet and awkward. It's a weird position I'm in, because she want's no intimacy until she talks to a therapist.
When she talks to the OM she tells him that you and her are "just friends". You are no longer a couple. I am sorry for your loss.
You asked in your thread title "Whats going on here?" The answer is that she has put your relationship on hold as she dates the OM. You cannot let her cake eat anymore as she develops the relationship with the OM. The longer that this goes on the weaker your position gets. You have only one card to play and you know it. You must tell her that she must commit to you and your relationship right now and cut off all non-work contact with the OM or you will move on in life without her. You must do this right now and must be willing to back this up with immediate action. She may not give you the answer that you want, but every day that this goes on the less likely that she will pick you. Time is not on your side. The longer that you wait the worse it gets. Also, when she sees you walking out the door, the reality of it may wake her up and get her to remember why she use to love you. I am not saying that it is your best chance at saving your relationship, I am saying that it is your only chance at saving your relationship, because what you are doing now is clearly not working.
I don't understand why any married man with an OM that isn't long distance doesn't just have a sit down or at least let the guy know he knows what is going on. If that doesn't stop it, maybe you aren't alpha enough for her.
Another man shouldn't be telling your wife he loves her, period.
The OP isn't married. He's talking about his girlfriend.
She has shown you that threats of violence toward OM are not acceptable to her. I think she is the non-violent type (Christian). Any contact between you and OM will be seen as you threatening him. Not good.
As for telling her to choose you or OM - her OCD will cause her to feeling you are trying to control her - not good for you. He professes undying love while you try to force her into a decision.
The only thing left to do is to tell her that you love her but can not remain with her while knowing she has feeling for another man. Tell her you are choosing to set her free and that you will be leaving. No threats. No forced decisions. Nothing is required from her. No pressure for her to decide. You love her enough to set her free.
Then move out and wait for reality to hit her. Maybe she goes with him, maybe not. At least you will have an answer.
does it make me an ass if I lay down the "it's him or me"? I'm all for her having males friends, but IMO when they make advances, constant ones at that, they forfeit their friend card.
Let me suggest that we can all have opposite sex friends but it is unwise to have close opposite sex friends. Forget about waiting to somehow catch an advance.
These things are often very subtle and occur over time. EAs are forming a bond with someone. It can be very innocnet for a while. Even to the point where those involved are in denial about how close they are. Also it can escalate in the blink of an eye.
So if you are really Alpha why would you care if you were being an ass. Another male is after your woman. It is probably way past time for being an ass. I would contend while she calls you Alpha you may very well be. However, in this case you have been way more understanding than I would be. The ass my friend is this guy who is poaching your woman. She is bing an ass too because it appears that she is not comitted to you. That said, whatup with waiting seven years to propose?
If you were truly in an LTR or were married, you would be advised to stop this affair. She would have to quite her job and go full NC.