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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » What's going on here?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-02-2012, 08:45 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

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Even if you cut this EA off now, do you really think this behavior won't crop up again if you stay with her and put perhaps put a ring on her finger at some point?

You aren't even married and you are in the friend zone?

Unless you are a masochist, Eject Eject Eject!!
she's been 100% perfect for the 7 years we've been together, this is just such a strange turn of events.
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Old 03-02-2012, 08:50 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

She is in a more learned and continuous learning mode on life...those times, she might have been naive and plain in her love or whatsoever..

now you are stunted in understanding human minds especially a woman's particularly this one, who by far has been an emotional being and now getting new ideas and thoughts and feelings that she has the SEVEN YEARS ITCH too in aid..!!perhaps..?
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Old 03-02-2012, 08:52 AM   #33 (permalink)
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I put forth several points...Now its your time for an entire analysis and inference on past,present and the probable future ...Good Luck indeed.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

So, your LT girlfriend turns down your proposal of marriage and ramps up an EA with beta boy immediately after.

Move on, why do you allow yourself to be put in storage?
Doesn't sound terribly alpha to me.
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Last edited by tacoma; 03-02-2012 at 09:29 AM.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:08 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

Agreed. Look for a new GF. She's not ready to commit.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:10 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

Clever,

7 years is a while to sit on the fence. I know your thinking of the investment in time and emotions... BUT!

She is telling you the future and you are not listening. After 7 years she is not committed enough to you and does not want to enter into a marriage. You can't force, teach, train someone to love you. Don't look at the loss think about the gain.

YOU GET TO WALK AWAY! No kids, No property, No Contract.

You think it's bad now... Oh brother, go ahead and patch this up and get married, have those kids... Find out she's cheating on you 5 years down the road. And you can rejoin us Poor Bast@rds at TAM with your sob story...

I just found out my Wife's cheating... by CleverNickName.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:18 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

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she's been 100% perfect for the 7 years we've been together, this is just such a strange turn of events.
Leave her for some time. If she chooses OM, then he will come in future to post here!
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:19 AM   #38 (permalink)
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I tried a date night, but she was strangely quiet and awkward. It's a weird position I'm in, because she want's no intimacy until she talks to a therapist.
When she talks to the OM she tells him that you and her are "just friends". You are no longer a couple. I am sorry for your loss.

You asked in your thread title "Whats going on here?" The answer is that she has put your relationship on hold as she dates the OM. You cannot let her cake eat anymore as she develops the relationship with the OM. The longer that this goes on the weaker your position gets. You have only one card to play and you know it. You must tell her that she must commit to you and your relationship right now and cut off all non-work contact with the OM or you will move on in life without her. You must do this right now and must be willing to back this up with immediate action. She may not give you the answer that you want, but every day that this goes on the less likely that she will pick you. Time is not on your side. The longer that you wait the worse it gets. Also, when she sees you walking out the door, the reality of it may wake her up and get her to remember why she use to love you. I am not saying that it is your best chance at saving your relationship, I am saying that it is your only chance at saving your relationship, because what you are doing now is clearly not working.

Last edited by TRy; 03-02-2012 at 09:27 AM.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:21 AM   #39 (permalink)
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mind you, the OM doesn't seem very Christian with his advances towards a woman in a long term relationship.....
Christianity prohibits advances towards married women. Women who are just dating other men are fair game.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:23 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I don't understand why any married man with an OM that isn't long distance doesn't just have a sit down or at least let the guy know he knows what is going on. If that doesn't stop it, maybe you aren't alpha enough for her.

Another man shouldn't be telling your wife he loves her, period.
The OP isn't married. He's talking about his girlfriend.
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:25 AM   #41 (permalink)
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She is in a dilemma..she is like 50:50 for several reasons reasoned by herself,as of now ..

and anytime she can be over to the otherside..

her faith can be a strong factor in the final decision or the dilemma itself...
If she is in an EA with another man because of religion now then I say cut your loses. This will be a continual issue through a marriage even if this guy goes away.

So let me get this clear. You guys are not married yet. You have had an ongoing sexual relationship for how long?
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:50 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: What's going on here?

She has shown you that threats of violence toward OM are not acceptable to her. I think she is the non-violent type (Christian). Any contact between you and OM will be seen as you threatening him. Not good.

As for telling her to choose you or OM - her OCD will cause her to feeling you are trying to control her - not good for you. He professes undying love while you try to force her into a decision.

The only thing left to do is to tell her that you love her but can not remain with her while knowing she has feeling for another man. Tell her you are choosing to set her free and that you will be leaving. No threats. No forced decisions. Nothing is required from her. No pressure for her to decide. You love her enough to set her free.

Then move out and wait for reality to hit her. Maybe she goes with him, maybe not. At least you will have an answer.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:35 AM   #43 (permalink)
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does it make me an ass if I lay down the "it's him or me"? I'm all for her having males friends, but IMO when they make advances, constant ones at that, they forfeit their friend card.
Let me suggest that we can all have opposite sex friends but it is unwise to have close opposite sex friends. Forget about waiting to somehow catch an advance.

These things are often very subtle and occur over time. EAs are forming a bond with someone. It can be very innocnet for a while. Even to the point where those involved are in denial about how close they are. Also it can escalate in the blink of an eye.

So if you are really Alpha why would you care if you were being an ass. Another male is after your woman. It is probably way past time for being an ass. I would contend while she calls you Alpha you may very well be. However, in this case you have been way more understanding than I would be. The ass my friend is this guy who is poaching your woman. She is bing an ass too because it appears that she is not comitted to you. That said, whatup with waiting seven years to propose?

If you were truly in an LTR or were married, you would be advised to stop this affair. She would have to quite her job and go full NC.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:38 AM   #44 (permalink)
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well, they were supposed to hang out this weekend and when I told her that I felt like he had feelings for her and that it would be a bad idea, she quickly said that she would call it off.
Hanging out together is dating. Is dating other people ok in your relationship? If not she is being unfaithful now.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:39 AM   #45 (permalink)
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mind you, the OM doesn't seem very Christian with his advances towards a woman in a long term relationship.....
Cheating is non-denominational. Forget all that jazz. This has nothing to do with being Christian or not. He wants in her pants.
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