So here's the skinny. I've been together with my GF for 7 years, then on Xmas I pop the question (we always considered ourselves married, just never got around to it) and she was hesitant. Then a week later she calls it off saying that she doesn't feel the spark anymore. She suggests that she goes to counseling. I suggest we go to couples therapy, but she prefers to go by herself as she says it's her problem.
She has made appt's that have fallen through and it's been 2 months of living as "friends". I've tried everything to make things better, but no help. Then it comes out that she has had an emotional connection with a guy at work, because he's a fellow christian (I am not, but not opposed to Christianity). She says he's just a friend, and it's a friendly connection.
After her being very weird and secretive for the past month (texting constantly and never letting her phone out of her sight, or if I get near her unattended phone, she swoops in and grabs it) my curiosity got the better of me (mind you, before the pst 2 months I would have layed down my life for her, and NEVER would have mistrusted her....such a blindside this has all been, we were the perfect couple people compared themselves to) I check her txt messages.
The txts were around 40-50 per day and the male friend would constantly say that he has undying love for her, and that he wished she would be with him. She would never agree with him, nor would she stop him or chastise him. The male would say that he hopes things work out with us, but would always tell her that he wanted her.
I have a strong leaning towards cutting her loose as advice. Maybe Im just a jaded old divorcee of a ten year marriage with a 10 year old girl in the middle of it all, but my wife exhibited the same signs especially cell phone related and by then it was too late, their relationship had already been developing. you will be surprised as the swiftness with which she moves on with that guy.
It would hurt far more, if you had dumped your lifes desires and goals to support and sacrifice, plan and set goals for, work and love and keep safe, a family between you and that girl for any extended period of time.
Personally, I don't think you've got a lot to worry about. The guy is a beta male, coming on too strong with the "love" and is not a challenge to her. She is basking in this cat's fawning all over her but her romantic interest level in him seems near zero. The only caveat is if he tones down the "I'd die for you" and starts ignoring her, it may become a problem. but I doubt this will happen.
Ironically the beta male thing worries me. I met the guy, hell I wanted to meet him and went to dinner with him (a while back mind you). He's very beta, and my GF always comments negatively on how I'm alpha. She literaly calls me alpha all the time. I'm a bodybuilder, former cop and a pretty strong personality so I can see how it might be a negative after a while.
I get how she could be in a mood where she doesn't feel appreciated and someone telling her how great she is all the time and courting her could be appealing. I just don't know how much staying power it will have, and how do I handle it?
I tried romancing her, she doesn't want it. She stops me and has kept me in the friendzone. She says she's been waiting to talk to a therapist, but it's been 2 months.
Your GF is having an emotional affair (EA) with this other man (OM). Right now, she's preferring to cake-eat. She wants to pursue things with him. But, if they don't work out, you're her backup plan.
I recommend that you cut her loose. I assume you're young and can easily start over. The facts that her feelings for you are waning and she is developing feelings for another man before marriage are huge red flags. It would be terrible for you to work through this, marry her, have children, and then find out in five years that she's cheating on you, or has been the entire time. Imagine the pain of raising another man's children for years before you learn the truth.
The single most valuable trait in a spouse is loyalty. Your GF isn't loyal to you. So bail.
Please dont let loose of your dignity though. No one is worth being strung along and kept on the shelf for casual use.
Shes either with you or with him.
I should also mention, she is the most indecisive person on the planet and is owned by her OCD. I'm sure that her mental weaknesses are having some effect on the situation.
Ironically the beta male thing worries me. I met the guy, hell I wanted to meet him and went to dinner with him (a while back mind you). He's very beta, and my GF always comments negatively on how I'm alpha. She literaly calls me alpha all the time. I'm a bodybuilder, former cop and a pretty strong personality so I can see how it might be a negative after a while.
I get how she could be in a mood where she doesn't feel appreciated and someone telling her how great she is all the time and courting her could be appealing. I just don't know how much staying power it will have, and how do I handle it?
Check out Married Man Sex Life for information on the alpha/beta dichotomy. Basically, alpha behaviors create attraction in women. That's great for short term relationships where all you want is sex. And beta behaviors build comfort for women. That's great in long term relationships.
But you need a mix. If you're too alpha, then your GF isn't comfortable with you. She isn't sure you would be a good father, or a good partner when you're both old and gray. If you're too beta, then she knows you'll be a good provider and father, but she isn't attracted to you sexually. So, you get married and see your sex life steadily dwindle down to the point that you're just roommates raising children together.
It sounds like you didn't give her enough beta, so she's getting her fix somewhere else.
Yeah, my exwife had spent some time as a teenager in a "special" place for help...
I was so giving and making excuses for her when she acted out.
Yes, the longsuffering husband was I, committed to the core!!!
then she met an old highschool "just a friend" on FB, and it was SaYOnara!!
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What's going on here? 
